American Idol Season finale: Lee DeWyze wins

 Photo: AP
 Just two hours and seven minutes left of American Idol's ninth season. Lee or Crystal? Eh, that's not what we're tuning in for. Rather, we want to see how the show bids farewell to its top judge, Simon Cowell. Follow along and on http://twitter.com/HowardCohen for one more time.

• Does Lee know where he is or have the zombies eaten his brain? He looked so dull during Ryan's blustery introduction.
• Alice Cooper joins the contestants to sing 1971's School's Out and the Top 12 are all wondering: Who is this old guy and why's his mascara running down his face?
• Barry and Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees reunite to ask the musical question, How Deep Is Your Love? Mine's deep enough to forgive the worn voices (especially Barry's) -- mostly cuz I'm hoping these two reteam to write some new songs. RIP Maurice. The Gibbs were joined by the season's most likable finalist Aaron Kelly (prematurely booted) and Siobhan Magnus.
• Yacht Rocker Michael McDonald joins Michael Lynche to sing the Doobies' Takin' it to the Streets which, four seasons ago, became Taylor Hicks' song. Given how ragged it sounded tonight, one has to wish Taylor would have come out of his seat and grabbed the mike away from the Mikes and sing the tune. That's how bad McDonald sounded.
• Alleged comedian Dane Cook did an aborted roast to Simon. Aborted, because a commercial popped up right in the middle. Humourous Interruptus. Several Idol audition rejects -- including my favorite in the cape -- return but don't do anything.
• Can someone get Amber Riley from Glee to take the mike on this Beautiful remake?
• Christina Aguilera bailed on her summer tour so she could promote this tuneless ballad she just sang? Talk about bad career moves. And, sweetie, Gaga called and wants her hair and eyelashes back.
• The guys start off singing Hall + Oates I Can't Go For That (No Can Do). I can't go for that, no really. No can do. Daryl and John turn up to rescue the performance. Of the grizzled vets so far none of these kids have heard of, Daryl Hall sounds the most passable.
• Then, Alanis Morrissette joins Crystal to sing You Oughta Know and I'd have loved to hear her sing that line. You know the one I'm referring to. But, alas, no lyric malfunctions.
• Bret Michaels is one tough dude. And, thank you, Apprentice winner for rescuing your Poison oldie from Casey's goat throat. Bret earned the night's biggest hand, thus far, it appears.
• So THIS is why Peter Cetera quit Chicago so long ago: the prospect of having to sing his oldies with Lee DeWyze on Idol.
• What's it tell you about this season of Idol when Gen. Larry Platt & William Hung, singing the former's Pants on the Ground, shows more flair and personality than the two finalists?
• Best moment of the night; the return of Paula Abdul. The return of Paula reminds us what Idol has missed all season on judge's panel: chemistry. She jokes about the real reason she left the show: A shared love child. "It's your turn to feed him," she quips. "It won't be the same without you but it will go on," she says. Simon, almost emotional, responds: "I didn't think I was going to be this emotional but the show goes on. Whoever's going to replace me, the truth is, you are the judges and you've done an incredible job,'' he says as every Idol winner except David Cook and many finalists sing a song in his honor. Was very nice.
• The return of the living dead: Joe Cocker sings With a Little Help From My Friends with Crystal and Lee.
• Lee wins. The fix was in. He's choked up. "I don't know. It's amazing. So happy. Never been happier. No words to describe it." After Lee once again butchered his band's Beautiful Day, ailing Bono pressed the button on his hospital bed asking for more morphine.
• I have some words, but am on deadline now for print column. Thank you Idol Watchers. Simon out. Howard out. Have a great summer.

Comments

[MrsEvans]

Howdy All! Alice Cooper on Idol? Sell out!

[HoCo]

I think Alice Cooper sold out 35 years ago.
(That said, I do dig Alice at times.)

[Lesley]

Oy. Simon Cowell is probably counting the minutes...

[MrsEvans]

This is going to be a long night.

[Lesley]

Oh that's who is the reigning American Idol? I forgot . For a sec I thought it was David Cook still.

[MrsEvans]

I see lots on similarities between Kris and Lee. They will both be the winners due to fraud. Both lack personality and are tone def.

[MrsEvans]

I am just happy to see my favorite Idol, COnstantine, tonight. :)

[Lesley]

I couldn't stand Adam but Kris was right up there in my just as bad book just now. Oof.

[MrsEvans]

Lesley, did you see that Ellen started her own record label?

[Lesley]

I didn't see that !Is she taking all the Idol rejects? awww, simon and paula's chemistry was what made the show fun. It was so sorely lacking this year. MrsE., really? Constantine?

[MrsEvans]

OMG I am obsessed Lesley. MrE is taking me to NY in a few weeks to see him on Broadway. Don't judge!

[MrsEvans]

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20388495,00.html

You can't make this stuff up!

[Lesley]

mrse, my high school friend is the producer of Rock of Ages. Do you have good tix? You want me to try to get you backstage? I am so not judging but I so am. Hehehe.

They should have had Justin Timberlake as the third Bee Gee.

[Lesley]

Big Mike doing Michael McDonald? Sounds like a bar mitzvah band.

[MrsEvans]

I didn't get my tix yet. I held off because we bought second row tix ( $500 )in September only for him to announce 2 weeks before he was going on vacation. So I waited as long as possible this time around. If you are serious, I will take you up on that offer! I will owe you our first born!

[MrsEvans]

What audience are they going after tonight? I think I should call my parents, they would enjoy this!

[MrsEvans]

Hahahaha, WTF just happened?

[Lesley]

MrsE: F-book me the dates you will be going. I will totally ask for you. I may have to say you are my correspondent or something but you'll be ok w that right?

What is this show, American Bandstand or American Idol? I love Michael McDonald but come on. And Dane Cook? My dog is funnier than he is.

[MrsEvans]

Lesley I don't know what to say! I will send you the info on Facebook. Thank you!

Meanwhile, can I be frank and just say, this show sucks?!

[Lesley]

This is beyond bad. Is this an xTina tribute to her canceled concert?

[MrsEvans]

Poor girl forgot to put pants on!

[Lesley]

she has a great voice but that song made me want to get a razor blade.

[HoCo]

I love the Rock of Ages soundtrack. I wanted to go to the musical in NY last year but couldn't get to it. It's coming here this season and I hope to see it. Fun music. Constantine sounds good.

[Lesley]

omg hall and oates as mangled by Lee.

[MrsEvans]

Did we see what happened earlier when that guy wouldn't give Tatiana the microphone? I have to rewind the tivo later.

[Lesley]

I didnt quite catch it but I am glad they got rid of Dane Cook!

I heart Hall and Oates. Well Hall mostly but that was an aural defamation. Except Casey. Casey did justice..

[MrsEvans]

I told everyone to get me tickets for Hanukaah for the Rock of Ages tour because Constantine is coming with them. I know, I need a new hobby...

What is up with senior citizen night on IDOL?

[MrsEvans]

Yes Casey did. Lesley, rewind and check it out! Some random guy went crazy on stage.

[MrsEvans]

Nice, Alanis!

[MrsEvans]

It always amuses me that she wrote that song about Uncle Joey.

[Lesley]

That was awesome. Bowersox sounded so much better than alanis! mrse--i saw that but thought it was intentional!

[MrsEvans]

Maybe it was. I thought he was just crazy and ruined the bit. I am ooficially bored.

[MrsEvans]

I think we should start blogging Hell's Kitchen next week!

[Lesley]

So bored. carrie has come a long way from the hillbilly she was when she auditioned for this show..what a diva. i hear not so nice things about her too.

[Lesley]

OMG Mrs E--let's! i cant wait!

[MrsEvans]

Um, you just got a free car. The least you could do is fake some enthusiasm.

[MrsEvans]

I just fell in love with Casey again...Swoon!

[Lesley]

OMG bret michaels and casey. out of control. bret is insane.

[Lesley]

Mrs E--seriously, re the cars. they looked like they were going to traffic school. geez.

[MrsEvans]

This show just got hellagood!

[Lesley]

For someone who was near death, Bret Michaels sure looked good. I may start to believe some of those conspiracy theories.

[Lesley]

Wow, Crystal gets Alanis and Lee gets elevator music. I heart Chicago circa Peter Cetera but oyyyyyyyy

[MrsEvans]

Did I really just say "hellagood"?

[Lesley]

Holy hell is this bad.

[MrsEvans]

Haha, this actually is making me laugh.

[Lesley]

was William Hung wearing ed hardy?

[MrsEvans]

Goat throat? Careful HoCo. Lesley and I may attack! :)

[Lesley]

that's one fine goat throat, hoco

[Lesley]

MrsE--got your message. just emailed my friend. stay tuned. i hope it works. if not, i tried, i really did! but constantine? really? hehehe

[Lesley]

We missed you too Paula. Who knew?