American Idol judges stop judging 8 finalists

 
Were it not for the generally superior -- but far from perfect -- finalists compared to previous seasons and the astute and strongly worded mentoring sessions from uber producer/label head Jimmy Iovine, American Idol Season 10 would be as worthless as American Idol Seasons 6-9.

The problem: Three overpaid, useless judges. Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez should all face trial for taking Fox's money under false pretenses. They are paid millions -- Tyler alone gets $18 million for the short season -- to judge the talent and yet, all three, but especially Tyler, have offered no guidance, no constructive criticism, no judging for weeks now. Everyone is "perfect" in J.Lo speak, everyone is "beautiful" in Tyler-ramble.

As such, these three have done a disservice to the contestants and to viewers. For all the outrage over Pia Toscano's early dismissal last week (and she deserved the boot) why not focus on how the judges failed her? Instead of offering constructive criticism, Pia was fed lies every week about how perfect she was. So, given her lack of experience, she just blandly coasted along, singing ballads without any emotion, with poor phrasing and a complete lack of performance because she was told she was doing the right thing all along.

Jacob Lusk and Casey Abrams are two others who initially had potential but who are now unlistenable -- and unstoppable. Both are always egregiously out of tune, especially Casey, but the fawning judges, when confronted with something they've never heard before, ascribe what they've heard to some miraculous discovery and heap praise on the contestants. This was never more obvious than last night's Nature Boy performance from Casey. Since he did a jazz rendition, with standup bass, the ridiculous judges credited Casey with all sorts of amazing things. You'd have thought he created a whole new music form called jazz. Not one of the judges called Casey out for singing the entire song offkey, feebly and with affected, creepy facial tics. Jazz doesn't have to be out of tune.

Jacob, similarly, was laden with pitch problems on Man in the Mirror last week and was allowed to sing a 41 year old Simon & Garfunkel classic on "movie" night simply because some obscure movie 40 years later might have had the song running in the background. That's the producers' fault.

But his Bridge Over Troubled Water was a woeful mess. But you didn't hear the judges say that. You did hear Iovine slam Jacob for his arrogance last week when, after his awful Mirror performance, the obnoxious, self-entitled lad had the gall to tell America that if they dared vote him off the show it certainly was through no fault of his performance but, rather, it was all of America's fault for not taking a collective look in the mirror.

"Don't preach," Iovine blasted. Glad one of the Idol adults had the stones to put this young man in his place. Iovine cares. No one else does.

Meantime, J.Lo is so determined not to have another girl cut from the cast she refused to call out Haley Reinhart for her screechy, hysterical and out of tune mawling of Blondie's Call Me. That was one of the most tone-deaf, worst performances in Idol history and should guarantee her a ticket home tonight. But the so-called judges refused to earn their paychecks and the Crypt Keeper next to JLo called it "beautiful."

Sadly, this wasn't quite the case as Idol began this season. Tyler has always been a dissapointment. He's another feckless judge like Ellen DeGeneres, but aged 100 years and benumbed by decades of drug abuse. JLo, however, started the season giving terrific constructive criticisms and she elevated Randy who suddenly found a few words to add to his vocabulary beyond "dawg" that he'd been using for the nine previous years.

I didn't miss Simon at all. Frankly, I still don't miss Simon. His forced barbs had become trite and unfunny and he did nothing but punch a clock that last couple years. He was bored with the show and so were we. The only difference is we didn't get $40 million or so to roll our eyes and offer a quip. Remember, it was last year's judges, including Simon, that picked that lackluster cast that led to the sorry likes of talentless and charmless Lee DeWyze winning the title over sloppy and forgettable Crystal Bowersox.

I don't always agree with the EW critics who write the Idol wrapups (this guy likes Jacob) but he nails Idol's problem in this week's PopWatch column when he insightfully wrote:

Right now, the judges on Idol aren’t enhancing anything. They’re just blurring the line — between the good and the not-so-good, between the performers we like and the ones we love. Their miscalculated early save of Casey Abrams was just one more instance of their refusal to make distinctions, shrewdly and soberly, coming back to bite them. They were so busy cheerleading that they threw away their one real act of power. (Hell, a week earlier, J. Lo had wanted to use the save on Karen Rodriguez!) The grandest irony of all is that without content, without criticism, in what the judges elect to say, the singers aren’t raised up high. They’re subtly diminished, all mashed together into a sweetly cloying marzipan of weekly good vibes. If there’s a lesson in the booting of Pia Toscano, it’s that criticism, when it’s offered by people who know what they’re doing, isn’t evil. It’s a force that enriches, an aesthetic helping hand, a declaration of reality that helps the best artists prevail. Let’s hope that tonight the judges remember what they’re there for, that they’re willing to be critics again. Let’s hope that they start judging.

Alas, the judges didn't listen, Owen. They only became more irrelevant and offensive Tuesday. Perhaps all three should be scrapped and Iovine and (who'd have thunk it?) will.i.am, who offer the only constructive and interesting opinion-making and mentoring, should be the sole panel.

For the record, I count three standout finalists this season: Scotty McCreery, James Durbin and Lauren Alaina.

Scotty and Lauren are immediately ready to be signed and set loose in Nashville where both should sell quite well. Scotty, especially, is poised and capable of anything. He's never hit a bad note. He's already won the prize, a career, no matter where he ranks come May.

 James is, refreshingly, the first metal contestant in Idol history and is proving remarkably consistent and self-assured and entertaining.

For more Idol critiques follow @HowardCohen on Twitter. I don't mince words. I've only 140 on Twitter.

 

Comments

[kissie]

I am with everyone whn they say Scotty got a place in Nashville .in my book he is the American idol already

[Jorge Blanco, Jr.]

Howard,

I thought that Leonard Pitts might be the worst columnist at the Herald but I believe that you may have surpassed him. It is obvious that Pitts was promoted from writing about Music due to Affirmative Action but there must be a dearth of critics if you are what the Herald has to resort to.

You are so wrong on so many levels that I will not even begin. You are to writing about music as Pitts is about writing on Politics as Obama is to being a President. All three of you suck the big one.

I am so happy that I have never read your critiques prior to this one and I assure you that I will never read another column by you.

Jorge

[Alexia]

James, Scotty & Lauren have been ruling the votes according to TMZ and have never been in the bottom 3.

I'm viewing from outside the US, and while Scotty will be huge in Nashville he will be forgotten elsewhere after the final. Lauren has a shot at being a successful crossover country solo artist, perhaps even on a global scale like Taylor Swift.

James is likely to be very successful fronting a band a la Chris Daughtry as opposed going solo a la Adam Lambert. This seems to be what he's actually aiming for which is smart. If he tries to go solo he'll probably be expected to make more compromises than he's willing to. Hence the differences between Durbin and Lambert - James is a real rocker, Lambert has always been more of a showman and is on his way to becoming the new Michael Jackson. James is the most likely of the 3 to achieve global success, he is the most popular out of the 3 amongst non-US viewers who don't care for country music.

I wonder if David Cook could've been more successful if he had gone Daughtry's route.

[Kal]

The show should not be renewed. There are enough talentless so-called singers out there running around. We do not need anymore, while those with true talent cannot get a break, and besides that, no-one in this economy is going to pay to see ANY OF THEM perform. Randy, J-Lo and Tyler are all just happy to have a job. Nothing constructive has come from their mouths yet. One again, they desperately need the job, and I'm not mad at them, but what do I know. I'm not in the business.
To get back to the show though, Scotty is the anointed American Idol. He will win!

[Andre V]

Pia deserved the boot?? Have you lost your mind??? That woman's voice is AMAZING!!! And yes the judges failed her only because after singing ballads they got her to do an uptempo song. Let's see..every week she did a ballad.....NEVER in the bottom 3......The one week she "listens" to Randy.......GONE......The fact that PAUL went further than Pia is an indictment of the so called "fans".