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Presidential hopefuls seeing green

Florida is crawling with presidential candidates, but unless you got $1,000 bucks to shell out, your chances of seeing them are slim. Read Beth Reinhard's column here.

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anonymous

US President Tim Kalemkarian, US Senate Tim Kalemkarian, US House Tim Kalemkarian: best major candidate.

The Legal Beagle

(AFD WIRE): Washington, D.C.: Aside from these fundraisers complete with not so fine quisine, reports from inside the belchway indicate something fishy going on in The Nation's capital. If you tried the salmon at the correspondent's dinner, a great liklihood exists you have entered the toilet zone. Food poisoning from unclean Brittany Spears fans who were preparing the meals on the cheap. Other followers of the Brittany Cult prepared meals at fundraisers as well.

Ice Cube has reportedly criticized the Herald for possibly writing the worst rap parody of all time... (see Hillary's Rap above). Fortunately, rappers at Hillary's event brought in food from Tom Jenkins. They only hurled upon reading The Herald's rap lyrics.

In other news, Iran has voted to become part of a global democracy and become The Fifty-First State of our Great Nation. Bush allegedly pardons Libby, but blames his quote, "Pardon Libby," on some bad wind he had while dining with him in the Big House on the same food from the correspondance dinner.

APRIL FOOLS!

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