In this crazy election year, the St. Petersburg Times sent a feature reporter to get an inside take on the election. His conclusion: "That’s life on the 2010 Florida campaign trail, where things are so constipated with artifice and lip service, where men so rarely remove the grotesque mask of needy, ambitious pleaser, it takes a dude like Mr. Possum Pants to help illuminate the voting landscape. "
Read his take on the candidates below. And click here for the whole story and funny photos of the candidates.
On Kendrick Meek: Meek, as it turns out, suffers from Reverse Superman Syndrome: Put the Miami native in suit and tie and he becomes a cardboard politician, hemorrhaging charm, sway. But when he ditches the uni for khakis and a leisure shirt ... he talks in a hip, self-aware cadence akin to Bill Cosby coercing kids to eat their pudding: “I’ve had possum croquette. It tastes goood.”
On Jeff Greene: "His eyebrows arch in Mephistophelean pyramids; his patter is shell-game fast but oddly charming, as if he’s picking teams for stickball. He exudes the overconfident air of a guy who’s used to winging it, as if he’s had the answers all along."
On Rick Scott: "Never mind that the Naples millionaire looks like a postapocalyptic Cal Ripken: smooth pate, thin build, cyborgian eyes, body movements not unlike the Abe Lincoln robot in the Hall of Presidents. Scott is the closest thing this primary election has to a sex symbol."
On Bill McCollum: "Drying paint probably finds McCollum boring. McCollum has all the verve of a scientist in a 1950s B-movie explaining why Godzilla is about to devour the city. He’s a nerd, a dweeb."