TAMPA -- The official theme of day three of the Republican National Convention was “We Can Change It.” I believe this is a reference to our underwear. It’s hot here, and the humidity is 19 jillion percent, and most of us have to do a lot of walking outside, because the convention zone is surrounded by a vast security perimeter guarded by police, soldiers, Secret Service and — the outermost line of defense — angry shouting men brandishing RON PAUL signs.
Here’s something that bothers me: The Secret Service people wear vests that say, in large letters: “SECRET SERVICE.” Doesn’t that pretty much defeat the whole purpose? Shouldn’t they be more clandestine? At very least, the vests could say “NOT SECRET SERVICE.”
But getting back to the state of our underwear after we finally make it past the security perimeter: Yuck. When you watch the convention on TV, and the camera shows the delegates sitting in their chairs and frowning thoughtfully during a speech, it may appear as though they’re thinking, “This speaker is certainly making a good point about the national debt.” But what they’re actually thinking is, “It feels like frogs are spawning in my drawers.”