Don't pull a Shane and pitch yourself into the sea quite yet. Episode One was about tying up loose ends and affording another cameo to Joyce Wishnia's uterus dart board thing. Episode Two is much more fun. And it seems to only improve from there.
But first old business.
Bette didn't skip off to Mexico with Baby Angelica. Tina didn't have Bette's ass thrown in jail for kidnapping. Child Services didn't swoop in because Bette went on the road with Baby A and no sippy cup. (Wait, was meditation-and-yoga freak Bette feeding her one-year-old fries?)
And Tina and her lawyer never clued in that Wishnia, having been Tina's divorce lawyer a couple of seasons ago when TiBette broke up, was in all kinds of conflict representing Bette in the child custody thing.
But, whatever, it's just a TV show. Just keep reminding yourself of that, it will be of much use later on.
Saw the first episode at Bongos with a crowd of girls. By far the biggest applause went to Marina, who sauntered into The Planet just to f*ck with Jenny's head. As if Jenny's head needed the encouragement.
Well, wait. Maybe the biggest applause actually went to the HRC video before the show that offered a quick clip of Carmen telling her mom in Spanish: "Shane es mi novia. Yo soy lesbiana.'' Or something like that.
Then again, it was a mostly Spanish-speaking crowd at Bongos. And that means too many girls who would never do like Carmen and tell their moms what time it is.
Come on girls, let Carmen lead you to your own out-and-proud moment at home. Repeat after her, "XX es mi novia. Yo so lesbiana.''
Speaking of Carmen. Hello? Shane leaves her at the altar last season, runs back into the arms of a coked out Cherie Jaffe, then takes Cherie's car and swerves all the way to Carmen's house, where a hoodie boy cousin of Carmen's knocks Shane to the ground and runs her off. Great. But where the hell was Carmen? Was she in the house telling her mom, "Shane no es mi novia...''
Or was she still back in Whistler, walking around like a zombie, a wrinkled wedding dress under her ski jacket? Seriously, did they write Carmen off the show without a single word of explanation about what happened to her after she got kicked to the curb?