The L Word(s)

An Aqua Girl's dispatch from the front lines.

 

Aqua Girls carry on at Karu & Y (Photos by Dale Stine)

Below is a report from a friend who did Aqua Girl in style and is lucid enough on Monday to tell the tale. Who is she? Sorry, she wants anonymity:

I went to all the major parties. Did not like The Fifth, although that's where I met my Big Butch Latin Daddy (and Dom Perignon supplier for the weekend.) I was getting ready to leave and went up to the bar to grab a bottled water and she asked me, "Wouldn't you rather be drinking this instead?'' (Gotta love the lines...) Anyway, she had just popped open a bottle of Dom and, well, not wanting to be rude or anything, I accepted her invitation.

Elegantly dressed and with a very attractive personality (champagne did not cloud my judgement whatsover), she had a really nice vibe to her and reminded me of a very dear Puerto Rican friend of mine who died a few years ago, and with whom I took personal Boricua-style salsa lessons. Daddy & I danced salsa (Boricua-style) and she recounted how she had lost her (also gay) sister a few years back, in a tragic accident. Tough story. Still, she is making the best of her sister's passing and celebrating life (and her sister's memory) with lots and lots of bubbles and smiles. She was muy caballerosa [gentlemanly], and greeted me at every event thereafter with a glass of champagne, them muy respetuosamente [respectfully], went on her merry way back to her posse (with the champagne flowing so freely, her posse was growing in size daily.)

Also met some California-based Britney Spears-looking babe who wanted to (innocently, but annoyingly) kiss on the mouth whenever she greeted me at parties. I know it's the city of Free Love but I'm pretty averse to swapping saliva with strangers. Still, can't help being just a little flattered by her attentions ... that is, until she spilled her sticky sweet fruity drink on the back of my shirt late on Sat. Luckily I was on my way out of the party anyway - and it was not cranberry or anything red. A girl's charm factor has a way of diminishing when bad stains are caused to happen to good fashion.

The Karu & Y party was REALLY, REALLY nice, I have to say, particularly in its early hours. It was outside by the gardens and fountains, with this cool, resort vibe and sounds...It was quite pleasant and enjoyable...until it got so crowded that it wasn't either of those two things anymore. Inside, DJ Kimberly S. started off spinning some really cool tunes early in the eve, but because everyone was outside, the room was somewhat sparsely visited. She eventually gave up trying to impress her small audience and played crap most of the rest of the night. Truly a waste to pay for these "big name" DJs when there's such a magnificent outdoor space, that no one wants to be inside (star DJ or not.) Another plan might be to move the star DJ. Faux pas - hopefully Kimberly S's ego will survive.

Tea dance was fun enough. I took my mantourage of gay friends (after all, we support plenty of their causes) and we hung out upstairs on the sundeck dancing and hanging over the rail to ogle the gyrating bodies below (the most pleasant hang over this particular weekend produced.) The steamy girl parties are over...as locals we still have the scenery. For everyone else, they'll have to content themselves with a lot more time to sleep.

Sarah Shahi is smokin', but the bad high is ours.

OK. Maybe I did too much partying at Aqua Girl. Because there I was finally chilling, watching the Sopranos, when all of a sudden I swear I saw Carmen. Doing Tony. And I mean, she was doing all the work. (Which is a good thing because we probably wouldn't have seen too much of her if she had been under all that crime boss.) But that's not all. They were getting stoned together. And tripping on peyote together. Shane, that coulda been you. But you know what? Best to keep your narrow ass away at this juncture. You know what happens to peeps who mess with Tony (Yo, Christopha.) We have spent a year clamoring for Sarah Shahi and this is finally where she pops up? Well, good for Sarah Shahi. Not so good for our delicate eyes.

Beach. Blanket. Bingo.

(Photos by Carl Pascuzzi/Queerstock.com)

Even the weird, smoky, gray skies couldn't put a damper on the Aqua Girl Beach Ball Saturday, around the pool at the Surfcomber Hotel and spilling out onto the actual beach.

We're talking an estimated 2,000 girls in bikinis, surfer shorts, thongs, sarongs -- one girl strutted in boy briefs and little electrical tape xs over her nipples, a few others didn't bother with tape.

This is always the hottest event of Aqua Girl weekend, and this year didn't disappoint. We're talking eye candy everywhere. Chains of girls grinding to hot beats, a pool brimming over with bodies and beach balls and floaty things, rows of girls sunning under palm trees.

In its seventh year, Aqua Girl lured about 4,000 women this weekend, from all over the U.S. (and even Latin America and Europe). Unlike other girl circuit parties, this one is a nonprofit, raising money for the Aqua Foundation for Women, which gives out grants and scholarships to students and organizations in South Florida's women's community.

And according to someone staffing the Curve magazine table at the pool party -- Aqua Girl parties are "a lot classier'' than the Palm Springs parties. So there.

Somehow, after all that steamy pool action, all that drinking (and all that whatever else)  the Aqua Girls managed to put themselves together and head out for a long night of more partying.

There was pretty much a full house at Lincoln Road's Colony Theater for a comedy show featuring headliner Rene Hicks. (Props to local funny girl Karen Brown for her excellent little film). And an even fuller house later at Karu & Y's Tottem Gardens, where the girls resumed their bumping and grinding.

A curious side note: We got to chatting with Aqua Girl founder Alison Burgos at the comedy show (Alison, where DO you get all those hotties?) and she confirmed what we had sort of figured out from some random poolside interviewing. 

A good number of strippers and exotic dancers come from all over to party at Aqua Girl. It's a well-known fact (at least the lesbian community knows) that a lot of the women who strip and dance for men are actually lesbians (sorry to ruin your fantasies, boys). And it seems a bunch of them take time off from their j.o.b.s to attend Aqua Girl weekend.

Alison says several are local. She knows them from a recurring party for lesbians she has promoted over the years at usually-straight strip joints.

"What's funny is that we've always had a hard time getting some of the strippers to dance for the girls, because their girlfriends get jealous and don't let them do it,''  Burgos says.

OK, so wait -- there are three more parties today? Hope all you girls are hydrating and taking your vitamins.

Paying it forward at Aqua Girl

  Pa'ella party

Girls Rock at Score

(Photos Dale Stine)

Friday night's Aqua-ing began at Pearl, where a scary number of butch-femme couples enjoyed dinner in the orange glow of the trippy Jetsons-era space that has seen every celeb you can name and now -- well, now it really is crying out for help. Hello? Can somebody please do something about all those gauzy curtains that once were a pristine white?  Like launder them. Or get new ones. Just saying.

Anyway, that didn't seem to bother the couple dining next to us. They  spent $275 on a bottle of Veuve. They must still be trying to get into each other's pants. And yes, they both wore pants. Unlike the sea of couples  that featured one girl in a dress and the other in something from the men's department at Macy's.

What's up with that? A little role playing can be fun, sure. But this is the kind of butch-femme deal where only one girl ever goes for manicures and puts out and only one girl pulls out chairs, opens doors and takes out the garbage.

On to Score for the Girls Rock party, featuring three bands and a whole different crowd of girls favoring the rocker chick tank-top look. No bubbly here, but certainly lots of brew.

Moving right along to The Fifth and its Latin-flavored Pa'ella party. Pa'ella, get it? Translation: "For her.''

Nice party, posh club. Hundreds and hundreds of sexy girls on the dance floor proving their salsa skills. But then the DJ had to go and play something cliche by Shakira and we were out.

You know that old Grateful Dead thing where a group of hippies stood around begging for "miracles,'' as in free tickets to get into a show? Well, I was certainly no Deadhead. But as we were leaving The Fifth, I took our silver VIP bracelets and handed them to a couple of random girls waiting in a ridiculously long line to buy no-frills tickets to the party.  They were speechless. Or very rude.

No matter. At least last night, I was good with the Aqua gods. Make that goddesses.

 

 

 

Aqua Girls and Girls and Girls

(Photos by Dale Stine) 

Things heat up Thursday night at Score's Traffic Jam party, the first of the Aqua Girl sweatfests.

Aqua Girl Weekend. You're soaking in it.

(photos by Dale Stine)

Who needs the L Word when you have the A Word? As in, Aqua Girl. It's Miami's version of the Palm Springs lesbian bacchanal and it just kicked off last night with a "Welcome to Paradise'' cocktail party at South Beach's host hotel Surfcomber, quickly followed by the first bump-and-grind of the weekend at Lincoln Road's Score.

Miami's version of anything is always hotter, fresher, more decadent. Don't believe me? Come on down. If you can stand the heat, the glam South Beach backdrops and the blinged-out, lipstick-happy, bikini-and-stiletto-wearing girls.

Sure, Aqua Girl draws standard-issue dykes, the kind who blanket the Palm Springs parties. But we also get a sea of glitzy J.Lo lookalikes, Lil' Kim wannabes and everything in between. Trust me, there's no other place with this high a concentration of lesbians rocking the Chanel, Gucci and Prada.

And hey, I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing. I'm saying at least it ain't same ol'-same ol' Palm Springs. I'm saying it's fresher eye candy.

But really, what's most cool about Aqua Girl is that it brings together girls -- and women -- from all walks.  A little somethin' for everybody.

Aqua Girl runs through Sunday night and features several late-night events at some of the Beach's and the mainland's hottest clubs. Not skank gay joints (sadly, we don't have too many of those left on the Beach these days), but the glam clubs that typically feature Paris and Diddy and them.  Among the girl-on-girl blowouts: a dinner at the sleek Pearl, a comedy night at the Colony Theater, kayaking on Biscayne Bay, a slammin' salsa night at The Fifth (no, not a soul there will be as trite as Papi, but some will be hotter). And an eye-popping beach bash on Saturday afternoon that is not to be missed.

So see you there. Or check here for updates. And eye candy.

What's your L Word fantasy?

OK, OK, so it's taken me a while to get back to posting. I've been busy. I mean, there are only so many times you can watch an episode of The L Word and find something to go off about. Well, only so many times I can, anyway. I know folks on some boards have endless scenes seared into their brains – and they can go on and on about every sideways glance Bette ever gave Tina.

But I don’t get stuck. I move on. Why keep replaying and rehashing old episodes? Especially when you can be reading L Word fan fiction instead?

If you haven’t spent quality time on l-word.com, I strongly urge you to check it out. But beware. You can get lost there for days and days, fulfilling every single fantasy you have ever had (and some that you didn’t even know you had) about Bette and Tina and Bette and Helena and Bette and the Senator and Bette and – OK, so maybe all my fantasies revolve around Bette.

But there are endless stories about the other gals, too. Stories where Shane and Carmen never broke up, or are back together. Stories where Dana never died. In fan fic, anything is possible. The writers over at l-word.com have taken several whacks at the framily as high school and college buddies. They’ve done mysteries, westerns, fairy tales. Some go on for chapters and chapters.

There are stories were Bette and Tina never had drama. Stories where they’re just meeting and getting it on for the first time (that whole earring bit at the gallery seems to come up over and over again). Stories where they’re reuniting after Candace, after Helena, after Jodi.

And get this: a lot of them are rated NC-17. Meaning none of that  simulated softcore crap we suffer through on the actual show. Who knows, you might even learn something from all the play-by-plays. And there are LOTS of play-by-plays. Check out a little ditty titled "Toys'' (Bette and Tina involved in all manner of play) if you’re old enough and you don’t blush easily.

You know what you won’t find a lot of? Stories where Bette and Jodi are living happily ever after. Hmm. Guess that pairing just didn’t catch on. Ms. Chaiken, we hope you’re taking note. But you will find “The L Wing.’’ Yeah, Bette’s the prez and Tina is first lesbian and they get their freak on all over the White House. There’s even something called “Super Hero High.’’ You guessed it – the L girls all have super powers.

Oh, and do check out the Adventures of Bette Porter and Sissee Gardner Schmidt over at sho.com. In its third year, the writer offers a fun new chapter every couple of days or so to keep readers going during each L Word hiatus.

OK, so now you understand why I haven’t been keeping up my blogging duties. I know, I know – it’s a cry for help.

But I’m not the only one who is frittering away my life reading L Word fan fic. You know who you are. Wait -- maybe you're not just a reader, but a writer, too? Come on, share your favorite stories. Tell us about other fan fic sites. Maybe offer up some clever new scenarios. Bette as Richard Gere and Tina as Julia Roberts in a tale of lesbian tycoon-streetwalker love? Sorry, that one’s been done.