The L Word(s)

Get your L Word screencaps.

Anxiously awaiting the video streaming party over at OurChart.com today? Can't wait to get a gander at the first episode of Season Five? Well, here's just a tiny bit of eye candy to get you through.  We'll process the episode later. And whether or not the video streaming thing worked smoothly, or turned out to be web-based hell.  (All of the images below belong to Showtime.)

Henry who? Fresh from her dalliance with a dude, no longer dissed by her dyke family, Tina is back in the fold.

Orange may be the new black. But when it comes to Helena, skin will always be in.

Don't they all look cute and relaxed on this sunny afternoon by the pool?  Just don't take your top off, Tina.

See, now you've gone and flustered your baby mama. Who really has no business getting flustered when she's still supposed to be hot and heavy with Jodi.

See what I'm sayin'?

Don't blame me for this L Word spoiler.

The girls over at Television Without Pity are pointing out this little L Word surprise. But you really can't blame them for the spolier . Showtime offers this glimpse of (possible) things to come in a new On Demand teaser.

So for all of you asking me if it's really worth subscribing to Showtime this season, I would say: Um, duh.

But with a disclaimer: If you need to know up front that Bette and Tina actually do hook up and stay hooked up -- well, where's the fun in that?  Plus, NOBODY knows for sure where this is all going in the end. Could be everything you want it to be. Could be not.

My advice? Just chill and watch the thing. 

You know you're going there no matter what you say now.

To spoil or not to spoil the L Word.

(Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman. Image belongs to Showtime.)

I know how some of you feel. You need to know and you need to know right now how the entire fifth season of the L Word is going to unfold. You need to know if Bette and Tina manage put all the crazy drama behind them to fulfill that First, Last and Forever thing. Who cares what happened in the middle -- a carpenter slamming Bette against her office wall, a dude slamming Tina against her and Bette's bedroom wall --as long as First, Last and Forever wins the day?

And if they do hook up, how will it happen?  Will Bette just grab Tina one fine day, when Tina least expects it, and plant a passionate kiss on her? Will Tina fall to her knees and beg Bette to snap out of her denial? Because after all, Bette will always be in love with Tina. Tina, not Jodi.

Right?

Except, let's not forget that whole 17 Reasons Why  situation. I mean, Bette fended off scary dogs, climbed atop an abandoned building and wielded serious tools to rip off a huge sign. Then she had the sign shipped clear across the country, somehow put the thing back together (shrinking it along the way) and pulled it behind a tractor to bestow it on Jodi. Do you go through all of that for a woman who doesn't move you? 

Well, I could spoil some of the fun and tell you whether or not Bette and Tina go at it in Season Five. But if I did, you'd be in my boat, which is not a better boat than the one you're in today. I can tell you some stuff, which will take the fun out of being surprised by it when it hits your TV screen (I spoke to someone else in the media who saw the first 8 episodes and she said she actually screamed when a certain something happened a few episodes in), but I haven't watched the entire season. Nobody, except the powers at the L Word, knows how this is all going to end.

So if I tell you, for example, who it is that Bette throws onto that bed, it won't really answer any ultimate questions for you. It'll just ruin the moment when it does come. I will say this: Who she slams against the bed is not necessarily as crucial as what drives her to do the slamming. Plus, don't be so sure you know what she actually does once she has that girl, whoever that girl is, beneath her. Because what she actually does is WAY hotter than what you think she does.

Merry Christmas, girls!

We want our L TV. And our Bette and Tina.

(Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman in Season Five of the L Word. Image belongs to Showtime.)

OK, OK, I guess it's time to start obsessing on the L Word again.  Well, I never stopped obsessing on the L Word, but I thought it would be prudent to chill out on blogging about the obsession for just a hot minute.  Now I'm back to having visions of Bette and Tina and Alice and Tasha and Shane and...(insert latest trick here) dancing in my head. Sometimes Jenny sneaks in there, too. But I quickly stomp on her like a bug and then I'm good again.

In recent days, I took one for the team and, pretty much back-to-back (don't try this at home), watched the first eight episodes of Season Five. The promos don't lie. It's so on.

Certainly, by now you've seen "The Promos." Be honest, how many times have you hit play-pause-rewind?

So what happens right after Bette does that double-take when she walks out to the pool and finds a topless Tina lazily floating on a raft?  How will Helena, um,  make out in prison? Can Jenny really top herself in the annoying department? Could it be that Shane took everybody's advice and finally ate a sandwich?  Is Alice's soldier girl coming home in one piece? And who is that grabing at Bette's pants? You know what I'm talking about -- that scene where Bette remembers she's supposed to be the alpha lesbian on this show and forcefully rips somebody's hands off her pants and throws them on the bed. Is that Jodi getting roughed up by Dean Porter? Or Tina?  Or maybe some random new play thing?

Well, come on -- do you really think I'm going to spoil it for you by telling you what's up? I mean, what would you have left to live for (I already ruined it for myself) if I told you now, before the show even starts, whether or not Bette and Tina hook up in Season Five?

But I will tell you that I have done several interviews, with Ilene Chaiken and with a couple of the cast members, and that I'll be posting tidbits from those interviews throughout Season Five. Laurel Holloman gave up some stuff. And vows to give up more when Season Five is more underway. Jennifer Beals I'll talk to in the next couple of days, and with any luck, get her to give up a few hot morsels, too.

So stay tuned. Because the L Word returns to Showtime on January 6. It's on for our favorite TV lesbians. And for this blog.

Oh, yeah. So who's gonna plant themselves in front of the computer on Dec. 30 to watch the season premiere a week early on www.OurChart.com?