Remember Season Five? Remember when Bette grabbed Tina at the club, kissed her, then sobbed because she so missed her soul mate after their heart-wrenching separation? Remember how we sat on the edge of our seats through that, through Stir Fry Sex, through Honey Sex, through Elevator Sex, through the Dance of Hotness? Yes, Bette cheated again. But can you call it cheating when Bette stepped out on Jodi to be with the woman who never stopped owning her heart? And did Tina really do any wrong? Or was she just taking back what was rightfully hers? It was all so hot and heavy last year, wasn't it?
Well, hang on to the memories folks, because it's not looking so good for the Couple With The Best Chemistry Ever. No, I haven't watched Season Six all the way to the finale. I don't know for sure what goes down. But if you believe all the spoilers -- Oh, wait. I guess I should let you know now that if you're trying to stay unspoiled you should STOP READING NOW. Just...SHOO!
OK, where was I? If you believe all the spoilers, you got all the TiBette sex scenes you were gonna get. There ain't no more. Not ever. So start dusting off those previous seasons because Six is gonna suck for TiBetters especially.
Now, as always, it's possible the spoilery out there is full of sh*t and TiBette is gonna burn the house down before it's all over. It's also possible, as some of the rumors go, that Ilene Chaiken still has a little something up her sleeve and she's going to edit the end of season six in such a way that even her stars will be shocked and awed when they see how the story resolves.
But I've been worried since I interviewed JB a few weeks back. It's never been like JB to give up even a tidbit of spoilery. But, for some reason, she was letting it all hang out this time.
"I certainly would have liked it to have ended differently...Knowing what I know,'' she said.
So what does she know? Are Bette and Tina going to be OK? I mean, it would be pretty terrible if after everything those two have been through -- and everything they have put US through -- they wind up breaking up in the end.
"That would be terrible,'' Beals said. "Did I mention that I'm sad about the ending of the show?''
Gulp. I mean, did JB really mean this? I had been holding off on sharing this little tidbit because, well, I didn't want to be the one offering bad news. I suppose it's possible JB was just joshing. But she repeated this bombshell a couple of times during the interview. She didn't say it was off the record. Maybe her guard was down. Or, maybe she wanted all the ardent TiBette fans to brace for the worst. I don't know.
But I do know that we moved on to talking about the L Word convention in Blackpool back in November and I asked her about that moment when she told the crowd that there was no big cast good-bye because everybody wrapped at different times. She was on stage with Laurel Holloman and she broke down and cried as she said to her "I just never had the opportunity to say thank you.'' It was so moving, watching the women stand and hug and cry. Check it out on Youtube.
"Because she and I wrapped on different days, we didn't have a moment to say good-bye,'' Beals told me. "You draw your own conclusions. And because we were in front of 1,900 people, I had to start sobbing. It's a definable illness.''
All I know is that I'm having a hard time watching the final season because I keep hearing those words from JB. Well, I'm having a hard time watching this season for a lot of reasons, including that the shark-jumping sh*t is just a giant, repeating WTF.
That whole thing with Max at Lamaze class with a full beard and a belly? My hands were covering my ears and I was LA LA LAl! Sorry, I can't deal with this pregnant man story any more than Tom could deal with those vagina stretching exercises. I mean, give us one break one time!
I know many of you are still dealing with your eyes bleeding over Shenny sex. But, really, compared to Max with child (the beard looks even more fake-ass than the belly) , almost anything will work for me.
The Shane and Jenny closet editing stuff was fun enough. But if I came home and found that my roommate, who I started f*cking just a couple of days before, turned my bedroom into an office for herself, I'd torch the place with her in it. But, I guess Jenny has to die in Bette and Tina's pool and Shane has to play whipped.
Hey Shane, why don't you two gals leave the closets for another day and clean out the ATTIC? You might find some disturbing stuff up there, but if it speeds up Jenny's demise, I'm all for it.
I had high hopes for the possibility of an Alice and Tasha threesome with the new girl. But who the hell wants to live through more vegan food and board games?
Helena and Dylan? I'm there. It's possible this couple is our last hope for hotness. And you would never kick Miss Peabody out of bed for eating anything, not nutloaf and not caviar.
As for TiBette...maybe there is somehow still hope?
Whatever happens, just don't shoot the messenger.