Well, you’ve gotta give it to the L Word. It truly is a lesbian show. And not because in the finale we got a steamy and tender TiBette sex scene that to every L word insider felt like a nod to an episode in Season One when Bette emerged from under a different sheet and wiped her mouth just like she did last night.
It’s a lesbian show not because it gives us lesbian sex , but because the show itself acts like a lesbian. Here we are six years in and fed up, ready to say good riddance to the series that, yes, turned us on, even connected us with new friends, lovers and communities, but ultimately made us insane with its astounding lack of cohesiveness. Why won’t it allow us to make a clean break? The damn thing is supposed to be over. We were supposed to start moving on.
But you heard Ilene Chaiken last night in that self-congratulatory but sweet pre-L special. She doesn’t think the L Word is over. We were so ready to break up with her and her show, but she just isn’t taking no for an answer. She’s gunning for that spin-off about Alice in chains. Or in prison or whatever. She’d also like to do an L Word movie that would catch up with the gang a little later, a la Sex and the City. Even if she can’t get either of those projects done, she’s left us with a maddening Who Shot J.S.? scenario that forces us to watch these new webisodes on Sho.com, the Interrogation Tapes. Supposedly we’ll learn the answers to burning questions like, how did Shane’s business burn down and who stole the film negative. Wait, don’t we already know who stole the damn thing?
The real question is, will we ever come close to knowing who the f*ck killed Jenny? Or, did she just pitch herself off Bette and Tina’s new second-story terrace in a moment of clarity about how hateful and annoying she was? What we do know is that Alice may come back if Showtime picks up the spin-off. And she’ll be in the slammer. But did she actually do it? Everybody had a motive to do Jenny in. But are any of these glamour dykes really killers? I’d be pissed about the loose ending, but does it really matter who killed Jenny when it simply never made any sense all season, and still didn’t after the finale, that any of these characters would kill anybody? I mean, when did this show stop ripping off Sex and the City and start ripping off Desperate Housewives?
Anyway, finally, the L Word was on the verge of cutting us loose after six dysfunctional seasons. And in the end, it decides to string us along a little longer! For the sake of sucking us in to future projects, no doubt. But Chaiken didn’t have to be so manipulative. We would have tuned into her next project, even if she had given us a decent ending last night.
Hell, we stayed even when the show got so bad at the end there that we cursed it and cursed it and then fell into lesbian bed death with it. It didn’t turn us on anymore, but we were just unable to leave it. And I still say you’ve gotta give it up to Ilene for that. The show really was a first for us. It really did mean so much to so many lesbians around the world who were seeing themselves reflected in the first mainstream TV show to focus on lesbian lives. Finally, at least during its six-year run, we were no longer invisible.
Let’s also give Ilene credit for giving us a happy surprise at the end. We were sure the finale was going to blow, but it actually was pretty good . Shane and Alice having that sleepover and connecting like two friends who go way back and really know each other? Brilliant. Some points to the way that threesome thing was addressed, with Alice having some balls and everybody dealing with the truth. We never expected anything half lucid to come out of that, did we? As for Helena and Dylan, I’m totally OK with them breaking up. Dylan is obviously still a lying ho. And even if we can forgive her for playing Helena with that Niki surveillance camera thing, and then playing her worse by acting all shocked and crushed when Jenny spilled the supposed beans about it all, I’m thinking anybody who puts a knife to my throat, even if just for fun and games, is somebody who needs to go.
And cheers to Bette and Tina and their “ultimately triumphant love story,’’ even if it takes them to New York. But are they gonna end up with Max’s baby? Never mind. Some things are better left unknown.
I just know that I’m going to miss the L Word, even if I enjoyed bashing it. I’m gonna miss JB and her arms and, well, everything about her. Like the starring role her ass played when she was on that ladder in the gallery recently. Come to think of it, I’m really gonna miss Helena, too.
We knew the finale wasn’t going to tie everything up neatly and satisfyingly. I mean, hello, it’s the L Word. But, now what? Is it over or not? Oh well, might as well stay with it. Not like there’s a new lesbian show in town to get all worked up about.
One more thing: Let’s give Ilene and company some love for finally getting rid of that screechy theme song. That instrumental rendition at the end, with nobody screaming at us about the way we live and loooove, proves there really is a God.
OK. I need to go and do some heavy processing about this damn show.
More later, I guess. Damn you, Ilene!