I had a breakthrough watching 607! The secret to watching the L Word is partaking in enough mood-altering substances to make the whole thing feel like one big gag with sophomoric, funny(ish), sometimes even sexy visuals. Forget the story. There is no story. There never really was a story. The series is finally crossing over into So Bad It’s Good territory. And now it's just about over. Bummer. But, hey! Somebody spark one up and pass it.
All the better to enjoy Pam Grier’s nod to her own Blaxploitation past. She is a bad mofo in a fro! Who cares that in six whole seasons, Grier was barely given one set of decent lines to string together? Her ghetto gab is all dat, gurrrrl. So what if her character was nuthin' but Ebonic comic relief? Let me pour another Goose and soda, cuz this is all such a gas! And Kit with Sunset Blvd.? Who can be mad at two queens cut from the same cloth and made for each other in caricature heaven! Love indeed is grand.
Look! Now the gang is line dancing all groovy like! In funky costumes, yet. Wait a minute. Why the f*ck is Jodi telling Bette that Kelly confirmed Jenny’s stupid gossip about Bette creepin’ while Tina was in New York? When would Kelly have told Jodi jack? They don’t hang out. And it doesn’t look like Kelly is in the club right now. Plus, why would Kelly tell Jodi a stupid lie? Jodi can only be making that sh*t up. Not that any L Word writer thought to follow up that idiotic exchange with anything valid at all. We’re just supposed to get caught up in the drama of Bette’s ex confronting her to say she’s glad she dodged the Cheatin' Porter bullet. Just for fun. So let's just go there!
How about Alice, Tasha and Jamie working out their three-way sexual frustrations in their Salt-n-Pepa gear? Ahaha! Seriously, Tasha did bring it. Gotta give her that.
Hey, this is all so camptastic! It’s time to start shouting sh*t at the screen like it’s the lesbo Rocky Horror Picture Show. Why not? It’s not like the powers behind the L Word were even pretending to worry about character development, plot, continuity, anything at all but giving us some sight gags to giggle at.
Too bad the camp is too little and too late.
Check out Marlee Matlin’s character doing her Dancing with the Stars routine. But on the L Word! With a girl dance partner instead of a guy dance partner. How cool is that? Who cares that they probably built this whole episode around a dance contest to show off Marlee’s dancing skills and to get out of actually writing something half reasonable about anything at all to do with the story the rest of us have been trying to follow. And after Jodi wins the dance contest, she says something by way of a b*tch slap to Bette: “We all start every day and promise ourselves blah blah blah. The problem is the execution.’’ Which Bette, because she all of a sudden is the most dense b*tch on the planet, takes as a moment of happy closure with her ex. Aww, look, Bette wants to hug it out even though Jodi is continuing her insanity about Kelly. Yes, that’s a bizarre reaction from Bette in that moment. There was nothing prompting a hug there. But, then again, I'm being a stickler for reasonable writing again. My bad.
I guess it doesn’t matter that JB was directed to act like these two have just worked their shit out when THAT”S NOT WHAT WAS HAPPENING ON THE SCREEN AT ALL. Not when this episode cranked some cool retro tunes and we got to see Shane hotly pushing Niki against that bathroom wall and…huh? If you stop to think about it, it’s totally out of character for Shane to be getting nasty with Niki of all people, and when Jenny is right there in the club. I mean, sure, Shane was established as the Don Juan of the gang. But she was also supposed to do right by her friends and loved ones. That’s why we all loved the character. She was a player but her heart was in the right place. There was a certain emotional elegance to her. Even when she left Carmen at the altar, she did it out of misguided decency. But this thing with Niki, well it doesn’t make any sense at all and…
Hey, Bette and Tina doing the tango in glitter gowns was pretty sexy. Though it would have been cooler of they could actually DANCE. But that doesn’t matter, because they sure do look hot together. And lord knows we’re not getting much more by way of a steamy love scene between those two. Not ever again. Unless you count the blink-and-you'll-miss-it scene coming next week. So let’s be glad for the little things. Like, the lack of pirate blouses this episode. Though like I said a couple of weeks ago, I finally got over my hate for the pirate shirts because in the end, Bette’s pretty damn PILF.
Honestly. How hot is Jennifer Beals? She’s so hot I almost forgot to worry about the fact that the powers wasted a whole episode, the next to very last episode, on bullsh*t costumes and dance routines and did almost nothing to actually move the story forward.
Only the finale left, people. Don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to think Jenny pitched herself off Bette and Tina’s new second-floor terrace just to exit the whole mess of this show. Nobody’s been shafted worse than her character. Who can blame her for wanting to end it all?