As episode 602 opens, Niki is having a soap opera fit about Jenny's morning-after diss -- "You are dead meat Schecter! Dead!" -- and already, I've having that awful feeling. You know the one. It signals that the romance is way over and you're ready to move on. If only there were another lesbian show to leave the L Word for.
Because truth be told, I'm watching the L Word's final season out of a sense of duty and history. We've been through so much together, after all. But it's not really where I want to be anymore. I'm just not into this show the way I was when the relationship was all about discovery and promise. After six years, I know too much. There have been too many WTFs to just sweep them under the carpet. I can't pretend this show is something it's not. I can't keep hoping something is going to change. I mean, hello. Jenny is dead, we're going to be subjected each week to another L Word character saying some hackneyed sh*t along the lines of “Jenny Schecter, I could just kill you!’’ And Max is pregnant, which is something I really can’t even talk about because, I mean, are the writers f*cking serious? My eyes just might roll right out of my head before we get anywhere near the finale. And I hate to repeat myself, but what’s the point of a whodunit when you’ve already told us what’s up with Alice and that spinoff?
But what’s really tragic is that I’m so not feeling this show these days that -- well, I can barely get riled about Bette's ridiculous blouses anymore.
That half-sleeve Rumba Pirate situation she was rocking last night may have been the worst of the stupid blouses. And yet, I couldn’t muster any outrage. It isn’t just that I’ve suffered through one gay blouse too many and have lost my will to snark. It’s more that I made a terrible mistake recently. I actually asked Jennifer Beals when I was on the phone with her what she thought of those blouses we have all hated. She was saying how much she loved the wardrobe and how she has taken a bunch of stuff home over the years and I don’t know why I had to go there, but I did.
“What did you think of all those billowy blouses?,” I made the mistake of asking.
“I still wear some of them,’’ Jennifer said. “I love them. I think they’re great. They’re fantastic. Maybe I don’t wear a whole outfit, but I’ll wear one with jeans.’’
Great. Another bubble bursts.
But there is a little something to hang on to. In a recent interview with Ilene Chaiken, I asked her if she agreed Jennifer is looking more butch than ever this season.
“Bette was always convincing,’’ Ilene said. “I always would have said she was butch. She’s definitely into fashion. But she’s definitely a butch character and Jennifer really embraces it. But yes, she’s definitely more buff this year. When you see the finale, check out what Bette is wearing. It’s so indicative of how well Jennifer knows her character. She chose what she was wearing and it was just perfect. It was classic Bette for me.’’
So what did Jennifer pick from the L Word closet?
“I just wanted to get back to who Bette was at her core,’’ Jennifer says. “A power suit with cufflinks.’’
Moving right along to the WTFs this episode.
So Bette had a roommate in college she had the hots for. They made out even though the roommate was straight. Clearly, they were pretty close for a bunch of years. Now that former roommate is standing in front Bette and Bette has no clue who the woman is? WTF? I mean, they even establish that Tina has heard all the stories about the roommate. She’s not someone Bette never thought about again. She’s the straight girl who got away. But Bette doesn’t recognize her? OK. Whatever. Bette and Kelly might as well get it on, too. Why not? You know whack sh*t is bound to happen, even to TiBette. There’s no point in getting worked up about any of it.
As for Shane and Jenny, I don’t see why everybody is so scarred about this hook up. Shane and Jenny had one of those near-miss situations back in the Carmen days, didn’t they? Didn’t they flirt with the idea of threesome? Shenny sort of makes sense. I’ll buy it for a minute.
What I won’t buy is that Alice and Tasha go to a shrink and the shrink (even if it is the lame Dan, who never did a thing to help Bette and Tina with their issues) blurts out during their first session that they really shoudn’t be together because they have nothing in common? Simply.would.not.happen.
As for Helena and Dylan. Well, you need some serious couch time if you go back to the b*tch who schemed to extort money from you while she was pretending to be into you. But hey, a little hot and heavy Helena-Dylan action would be fun enough. Who cares that the story line is implausible, especially the way the L Word will surely tell it? Helena Peabody is just plain lovely to look at, whether she’s bouncing some girl out of her nightclub or getting in Dylan’s face in the parking lot or being dysfunctional eniugh to pick up here she left off with this psycho b*tch.
Oh yeah. Bette was definitely flirting with her former roommate, and we should give props to Tina for addressing it without creating drama around it. But that little TiBette nookie moment would have been way hot if it hadn’t been way short. Where the hell is the sex this year?
Oh well. Two episodes down, six to go.