Calming your mind's chatter

I went to a fascinating talk the other morning at my son's school, Miami Country Day.

The speaker was a man named Scott Rogers, who I knew nothing about other than the title of his talk: "The Mindful Parent.''

While I wasn't exactly sure what a "mindful parent'  was, I was game to explore.

Turns out "mindful'' is about learning to find your center, about making decisions from a centered, inner awareness than the usual gut instinct that often results in the type of behavior you wish you could take back. (Yelling at your kids in the morning to get them off to school comes immediately to mind.)

It's certainly not an easy place to get to -- your brain has entrenched pathways that respond to certain triggers. Rogers, author of Mindful Parenting: Meditations, Verses & Visualizations for a More Joyful Life, gave a great analogy: Think of your brain as a ski slope; the pathways embedded in your brain are like a well-worn ski trail. Thus, when something or someone triggers stress, your mind responds by automatically leaping to that familiar pathway.

But research over the past few years has shown that the brain can create new pathways by growing new connections between cells, a process known as plasticity.

The key is creating new pathways through breathing techniques, visual images, yoga - whatever it takes to silence your mind's chatter and move into a more aware, calm state from which you react.

I've already begun to do the breathing exercises and, yes, I can feel the difference. I've shared them with my son, who seems intrigued.

Think of it this way, we're forging a new trail on our mind's ski slope. Would love to hear about your journeys, your new pathways. How do you cope? What is your saving grace to keep you calm?

It's a journey we're on together.

Comments

[Neil Stollman]

I read Mr Roger's Mindful Parenting 3 or 4 years ago, and have found the concept sound, and the results tangible. Mind you, I VERY easily 'backslide' into the well-worn ski slope (probably more often than not) but try to be mindful of being mindful (if that's not too annoying a catchphrase), and often manage to bring myself back to a more centered place.
Scott's verses are beautiful as poetry, although personally, they haven't been for me the most useful 'key' to getting to my happy place. Breathing (which i also do with my daughter) is more effective strategy for me.

[Laura Grashow-Rywell, Psy.D.]

To me, the idea of mindfulness has to do with living in the present moment and evaluating all that is around you in the present- versus letting past or imagined information contaminate what is happening at the time. It is then more likely that your response (say if we're talking about screaming at the kids to get ready for school versus calmly and firmly telling them to get ready) will be more commensurate with the situation. This is a concept i have taken away from my numerous conversations with Scott as he has taught me about mindfulness. And as I understand it, mindfulness can be a powerful tool to combat against knee-jerk temper flares and neurotic reactions to life situations. Scott has added new dimension to my practice by teaching me about mindfulness and for that, I am grateful.

[Jennifer Gardner]

I really appreciate Scott sharing his concepts in his book, podcast, and periodic emails. It helps remind me to find that centered place and remember to be close to my children instead of a million miles away even when they are right next to me. I am so glad Scott is sharing the concepts in more places and that more people are being exposed to them.

[Michelle]

I think Scott Rogers is a mindful author -- he is mindful of his audience and their need for clear writing, metaphors that make sense, and occasional humor. Mr. Rogers' perspective has helped me on this greatest of all challenges --raising children in a busy world. I have heard that we do not remember days, but moments. This Mindful Parenting book has helped me create and capture more of those moments.