The Work/Life Balancing Act

Cultivating Leadership: Where do women fit in?

Last week, I had the pleasure of participating on a panel discussion sponsored by Commercial Real Estate Women (CREW) Miami. We dove into some rather controversial topics, mostly dissecting how more women can make it into leadership roles.

I'm sharing a blog post that appeared on the CREW-Miami website to give you a glimpse into how the discussion played out:

 

Cultivating Leadership in Business

 

By Margaret Nee, President of CREW-Miami

Talent is the most valuable asset of any business, especially in real estate, where human capital is the key ingredient to closing deals and growing business.

At our monthly CREW-Miami luncheon held on May 15, “Cultivating Leadership & Talent in Business,” an expert panel discussed the best ways to cultivate leadership, reward team members and promote diversity in a company.

Panelist Mary Jo Eaton, Executive Managing Director of CBRE, discussed how in the case of larger companies, such as CBRE, it’s important to have networking groups, as well as professional leadership and development programs in place, in which team members can participate to hone their skills and develop their talent.

One common mistake that companies, from small to large, often make is promoting individuals who become top producers to leadership positions without offering the proper training. Appointing the individuals to those roles without adequate guidance is unfair to them, pointed out Panelist Alexa Hartley, President of Premier Leadership Coaching.

The key to their success is allowing them to discover what their leadership style is, she notes, and giving them time to practice before taking on this new role.

And when it comes to the role of women in commercial real estate, an industry historically dominated by men, Moderator Jim Dockerty, Managing Director of HFF (Holliday Fenoglio Fowler, L.P.), expressed that women can be strong influencers and should implement that natural skill in their careers. He said men who have wives or daughters that work often are good allies for women in the workplace.

Panelist Cindy Krischer Goodman, Work/Life Columnist for The Miami Herald, added to the discussion an important point about how women have to figure out how to increase the demand for their skills.

She suggested that getting a sponsor that advocates for you in the business can help advance your career and maximize your potential.

Our panelists agreed that losing the fear to ask and engaging in a little self-promotion can lead to meaningful rewards.

 

How a spouse can doom your work life balance success

 

 

Sheryl Sandberg, the outspoken COO of Facebook, repeatedly has said one of the most important career moves you make is who you marry. I see that played out, over and over, sometimes in a positive way, and sometimes not. 

Just as lack of consensus around finances can doom a marriage, lack of support from your husband or wife can effectively sink a career. For decades, it's been wives who have supported their husbands careers -- emotionally and physically. But now that most couples are dual earners, the whole dynamics of career priority are changing in marriages. Men are being asked to do more at home as women do more at the office.

Earlier this week, NPR Morning Edition featured a stay-at-home dad for its "The Changing Lives of Women" series.  Jonathan Heisey-Groves and his wife, Dawn, a public health analyst, didn't exactly plan for Jonathan to be a stay-at-home parent to Egan, 5, and Zane, who's 4 months old. The Heisey-Groves were both working full time when he lost his job as a graphic designer.  Jonathan stayed home at first just to save money on child care. But then, Dawn got a promotion.

 "She took a position at her company that involved a lot of travel, last-minute work, late nights and so forth," he says. "And I have some understanding of how it feels to be in that position, so I try to be as supportive as I can."

You might not be married to a Jonathan, who is willing to give up his career to raise the kids, but are you married to someone who wants you to succeed in your job? Are you showing your spouse the physical and emotional support that he or she needs to succeed? 

Think about that before you answer....

A friend of mine complained for weeks that her husband was going to accept a promotion that involved more travel. For her, it meant she would need to leave work earlier to pick their kids up from after school care. But instead of talking it through, she informed him he can't take the promotion. Now they're both resentful. 

Monique Valcour, a professor of management at EDHEC Business School in France, has just published a great article on the Harvard Business Review blog called the Dual-Career Mojo that Makes Couples Thrive. She gives suggestions for how to be more supportive of each other's careers. They're so good I'm sharing them with you (edited a bit with my own comments added in) 

Communicate priorities: Talk early and often about what matters most to both of you. In other words, you want to avoid realizing too late (e.g., when you've already called a divorce lawyer) that there is a big gap between what you say you care about most and how you actually invest your time and energy.

Talk about work at home: Look for solutions together that will reduce career-related conflicts and maximize opportunities for career enrichment between the members of the couple. Valcour says,  "My husband and I routinely help each other decide how to approach issues we encounter in our careers by listening, asking questions, and offering a broader perspective."

Think like a team. This often means taking turns. Dual career couples who are movie actors often take turns being away on set and home with the kids. Valcour notes that many dual-career couples confer with each other before accepting travel commitments to ensure that both parents are never away at the same time. In  less successful dual-career partnerships, each partner's interest in the other's career is often more self-referential — as in, "How will my partner's work demands or rewards affect me?" as opposed to "How do we meet the demands and enjoy the rewards together?"

Ask for help. Your partner may be willing to let you sacrifice some family time to do what you need to do at work or to go back to school. This takes open communication and the ability to help the other person overcome guilt.

Be open to change.  Modern careers don't typically follow a predictable path; the road is ever-changing. That's where a spouse's support is critical. Let's say your business suddenly takes off or your boss offers you a promotion. That inevitably impacts your home life in a way your spouse might not have expected. Valcour notes that few people make it all the way through a career without experiencing an unexpected company event that affects their career prospects, a significant failure, an apparent success that turns out to be unsatisfactory, or a desire to make a significant change. As changes occur, remember the upside of dual career marriages. Having two careers takes the pressure off either person to be responsible for all of the material support of the family unit. Of course, both spouses have to believe that to be true.

Readers, has your spouse been a powerful resources in helping you work through career and life challenges? If not, in what ways has a lack of support created havoc in your personal and professional success?

Millennials think being an entrepreneur is the path to work life balance

Millennials, people in their 20s, are used to being overscheduled. They don't mind working hard, they just want to do it where and when they want to do it. Today, I wrote about how Millennials view entrepreneurship and how it will change the workplace for the rest of us. 

Young entrepreneurs redefining work world

Publish

 

(Anthony Summerlin, 26,  sends out a daily sports report to his customers via email. )

WALTER MICHOT / MIAMI HERALD STAFF

BY CINDY KRISCHER GOODMAN

On a recent college tour with my teenage son, a professor at a Florida university gave him pointed advice. “Don’t expect to get a job at a company. You’re going to need to be an entrepreneur.” My son didn’t react. While it caught me off guard, he took it as a given.

As college graduates don their robes and caps, they are a generation headed into the real world with a different mindset than my generation or the one before me. They know they may need to forge their own path, and they aren’t intimidated by it.

Today, Millennials, the generation in their 20s, view entrepreneurship as a way to get the freedom to work when and where they choose. They are optimistic and idealistic — and at 80 million strong, they’re going to change the way we all work and think. Empowered by technology, many already have their own side gigs going, biding their time until they can leap out on their own and create the lifestyle and work/life fit they want, according to a new study, “Millennials and the Future of Work.’’

“Even though Millennials view entrepreneurship as presenting obstacles, most of them believe the benefits outweigh downside,” said Dan Schawbel, whose Millennial Branding firm commissioned the survey with oDesk, an online workplace. “They want to be in charge of their own destiny.”

This new Millennial mindset is being stoked by the Internet and encouraged by universities. It will force employers to create entrepreneurial opportunities within their companies.

Out of college just a few years, Anthony Summerlin, 26, already is an entrepreneur. After graduating from the University of Miami, he first went to work in his father’s business, a wholesale auto dealership. But he recently saw an opportunity to go out on his own. Summerlin had been analyzing teams and offering his advice in a public forum on a sports website. He built up more than 2,000 online followers and decided to turn his hobby into an income stream, publishing a website, SweetJones55.com, and a daily sports update, that he delivers electronically to customers’ inboxes. He has more than 1,000 subscribers paying $400 to $1,000 each, and works from his Miami home on his own schedule.

“All I need is a computer with Internet access and I can run my business from anywhere,” Summerlin says. “I love that if something were to come up and I don’t want to work one day, I don’t have to. I love the freedom of being my own boss.”

With the exception of health insurance provided by his parents, Summerlin is making it mostly on his own, earning six figures. For others his age, getting a business going that can sustain them doesn’t come quickly and often requires parental support. Many Millennials are still living at home, are on a parent’s insurance plan and have funded their businesses with start-up money from family.

This generation that grew up involved in after-school activities and told to follow their passion may have student loans, but they want to make money doing things that interest them. And, there never has been a better time to chase a dream. Today there are plenty of young role models and little need to plunk down cash for equipment and real estate. The only thing you need is a computer or smartphone, a connection to the web and a good idea.

It’s no wonder that 54 percent of Millennials say they either want to start a business within the next five years, or have already started one, according to a study funded by the Kauffman Foundation.

Chris DelPrete, 22, tried the traditional route, working for Capital Grille as a chef. Seven months ago, DelPrete says he “wanted to see what else the business world had to offer” and struck out on his own with a food truck, Miami Press Gourmet Sandwiches. “I wanted to do things my way, the way I thought was the right way.” DelPrete quickly discovered the power of the Internet, using social media to broadcast his truck’s whereabouts to customers. He already has more than 700 Facebook followers. DelPrete said he’s paying back his dad, who loaned him money to buy the truck, and is on target to make a profit by the end of his first year in business.

However, DelPrete discovered independence comes with long hours; 10-hour days are not unusual. “It’s been fun and rewarding and, at times, hectic.” He encourages his peers to take the same leap he took.

Like DelPrete Millennials are seizing opportunity, wherever, whenever they see it, and that may be while they’re still in school or working a full-time job.

Of course, entrepreneurship is risky. About a third of new businesses fail within the first two years, according to the Small Business Administration. But it helps that Millennials are easing into their ventures. Odesk, a marketplace to match freelancers with work opportunities, found 21 percent of its users are making money on its platform while still in college, some making as much as $40 an hour for tech work and $30 an hour for non-tech projects.

And 72 percent of its freelancers — who consider themselves entrepreneurs — are making money while at regular jobs and want to quit within two years to work for themselves. “They are willing to trade traditional work experience for something that provides more freedom and flexibility,” said Gary Swart, CEO of oDesk. “They don’t want to be confined to a cubicle.”

Erik Bortzfield, 24, considers himself in the pre-stages of entrepreneurship. Bortzfield left a job with stability and benefits to work for a Boca Raton start-up, an ecommerce optimization software company where he was given equity. He says he has seen an advantage in working first for other employers — mostly figuring out what mistakes not to make and where his strengths lie.

“I would love to be on the beachfront running my company, but I know it’s a long road to get to that point. My plan is to see this company through to end, walk away with money and a means to start my own company.”

The Millennials’ bend toward entrepreneurship isn’t completely by choice. Unemployment is high for this age group and those that do have jobs aren’t loving them. Millennials report low levels of satisfaction with their careers at the stage they are at and are expected to have 10 jobs by the time they are 40, according to Schawbel’s Millennial Branding.

Across the country, universities are reacting. More now offer entrepreneurship programs and hands on assistance. Florida International University even has considered making an entrepreneurship course mandatory for all graduates. “We see that it’s very appealing to them control their own future,” says Seema Pissaris, a Professor of Entrepreneurship with the College of Business Administration at Florida International University. “The technology is available, and innovative ideas are coming their way. Every week something else catching on and it spurs their ideas.”

If traditional employers want to attract this innovative group, they will need to react, too. “They’re competing with a student’s dream to have their own venture,” Pissaris notes. To compete for this innovative talent, both Schawbel and Pissaris say employers will have to create ways for the entrepreneurial mindset to exist in corporations — give a project to a team and let them run with it, or change policies to promote independence.. A PWC survey of Millennials found they want the option to shift their work hours or work in locations outside the office.

“Some organizations have started to react to this trend,” Pissaris says. “The more successful organization absolutely will react.”

 

 

When your workplace replacement is younger, what's that like? Let's ask Leno.

 

By the time you hit 40, you think every gray hair or new wrinkle is a BIG deal.  But nothing would make me feel older that losing my job to a younger person.

In the case of NBC’s Tonight show, the decision to have Jimmy Fallon take over the job of veteran host Jay Leno has been in the works for months.  Though making headlines, the two hosts and the network maintain the decision was amicable, and that it will further the success of all parties involved.

It must stink to be Jay.

Management will expect a seemless transition. If I were Jay Leno, I would be bitter, wouldn't you?

Like any ousted leader, Jay is supposed to act like he's okay with situation. He is not the first talented guy be replaced by a younger person and he won't be the last. But he does need to leave gracefully, because in TV, like in most industries, you don't want to burn bridges with anyone who might help you down the road.

Clearly, there's a lesson in Jay Leno's situation for all of us.

Today, more than ever, there's value in being young and thinking young. So if we aren't young, we need to appear young. We need to look our best in the workplace, surround ourselves with young people who can guide us how to appeal to a younger customer or audience, and be open to continually doing things differently and better. 

The New York Times said: At 62 years old, Leno represents a more traditional form of hosting, as he's known for his "Las Vegas-style comedy. Fallon, 38, regularly incorporates the Web and social media into his act, offering "a more contemporary and varied brand of entertainment." 

What Jay may not have realized is you're never too old to keep your finger on the pulse of change and go with it. If you don't, someone else will. It's a mistake many business owners and leaders make, too.

It will be interesting to see what Jay does next. At 62, he still has time to make an intriguing career move. I'll be watching and, hopefully, learning a lesson in reinvention.

 

"Don't leave college without a husband": Mom's advice causes a stir

What the heck is going on? The women's movement is in turmoil.

The newest controversial figure to get women's panties in a tightwad is Susan Patton who wrote an open letter published in the school newspaper to the Ivy League school's female students.In the letter, Patton tells female students that they should take the opportunity to find a husband while on campus before they graduate, because they will never again have a deep pool of qualified potential mates once they leave.

"Smart women can't (shouldn't) marry men who aren't at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are,” she wrote.

“And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you. Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them."

Patton, a 1977 graduate, is the mother two boys -- a Princeton alum and a current undergraduate  -- and says if she had daughters, that's the advice she would be giving them.

What craziness!

I did exactly what Patton is telling the female students to do. I met my husband my senior year of college and got engaged shortly after graduation. I'm married 26 years. You won't find me writing a letter like Patton's. As blogger Vivia Chen writes: "Fact is, it's not always easy to make the transition from a college relationship into adulthood. People grow up and grow apart." So true, Vivia, so true....

While my husband and I have grown up together, it hasn't always been easy to work through the what it takes to accommodate two career interests at the same time.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, has said, "The most important career choice you'll make is who you marry. I have an awesome husband, and we're 50/50." 

She spoke passionately about how there's a "stalled revolution for women" right now, and how having a supportive spouse — a real partner — will play a huge part in your success.

Don't get me wrong, I can see where Patton is coming from. As a student you're in contact with people your own age, or close to your age most of the time, which makes meeting potential partners much easier. But does that really need to be a graduation goal for young women? Those Princeton guys might be smart, but we've all learned that it is what you do with that knowledge that counts.

My advice to my daughter is make your education and career a priority while you are young and you will find the right guy at the right time who supports your choices.That right time might be in college or it might be a decade later.

What do you think about Patton's advice to young women? What would your advice be?

 

(Princeton grad Susan Patton unintentionally launched a media storm with her open letter to young women.)

 

 

Network, exercise and have work life balance? Start Running.

A few years ago, a friend at work asked me if I wanted to join her on our newspaper's team for the local Corporate Run. At the time, it had been a decade since I ran. But she asked me enough in advance that I figured I could train -- so I agreed to do it. I loved the comraderie of running alongside my co-workers and mingled with people in departments I wouldn't have met.

Running, I have learned, is exercise that can fit into anyone's work life balance. If there's a desire, it's possible to fit 30 minutes somewhere in your day or night to head out the front door and run. After the Corporate Run was over, I was in good running shape and didn't want to lose the momentum. I invited my children to run with me. My daughter often jogs with me and she's found it a great stress reliever from the mountains of homework she confronts after school. For me, running now serves multiple purposes. 

Recently, I began to notice running has taken off. Wherever I go, I hear people talking about the 5Ks they are entering or the half marathons just finished. I also noticed it's become a great way to network.

Today, I wrote about running in my Miami Herald column. If you haven't explored running as a stress reliever or way to network, I recommend it. If you sit on the sidelines watching your child practice a sport, get up and start running. There are apps to get you started as well as local running clubs. Start small and build up. You might even consider an initial run/walk method. I think you'll be amazed at all the advantages.

Bond with your boss on the run

 

(Motorola's running team runs past company sign during their midday run in Plantation on April 1, 2013. Joe Rimkus Jr. / Miami Herald Staff)

By Cindy Krischer Goodman

Want to network with the CEO of public company or the president of a university?

Start running.

Adam Goldstein, CEO of Royal Caribbean International, says his running workouts and passion for the sport build rapport with staffers at all levels. “There is no doubt I have running friends in the company who I might otherwise not have formed as strong relationships.”

Running just may be the 21st Century version of golf. It’s a chance to polish office relationships, impress the boss, and “bond with colleagues outside the hierarchy,” Goldstein says.

Across the country, companies are forming running clubs, co-workers are pairing up to train for marathons and businesses are sponsoring employee teams in charity events. It’s hard to beat running as a low-cost-barrier-to-entry sport. All it takes is a pair of sneakers and comfortable clothes. And it can be done anywhere on your own schedule.

Often, the initial draw is workplace camaraderie. Corporate runs such as the Mercedes-Benz Corporate Run in Fort Lauderdale, Miami and West Palm Beach this month, introduce newbies to the sport, often with company-wide training programs to prepare for the 5-kilometer run. That’s what hooked Ed Suarez-Rivero, a software manager at Motorola in Plantation, who now jogs at lunchtime with the running group at his company.

Suarez-Rivero says exercising with co-workers builds relationships across departments and opens the door to more personal conversation than what would typically take place among desks and computers. “You get really comfortable with people you sweat with. You joke around. If you’re having a problem with your son you might vent with them. It’s different.”

Laurie Huseby, president of TeamFootWorks, producer of the Mercedes-Benz Corporate Run Series, says running used to be dominated by competitive athletes. Now it’s popular with people who want to lose weight, run for a cause, meet new people, challenge themselves to reach a goal, improve energy level or relieve stress. As the sport has taken off, running clubs are popping up in cities across the country and the number of marathons has topped 500 a year. In many parts of the country, there’s a run for charity or competition every month, year round. Running USA estimates there were 1.85 million finishers at U.S. half-marathons in 2012, which is nearly 15 percent more than the previous record of 1.6 million in 2011.

In South Florida, participation in corporate runs has jumped 30 percent from 2012 to 2013. “People have realized that even if you’re not the most fit, you can enjoy running and better your health,” Huseby says. Moreover, she says, the tent parties after a race are more fun than company holiday parties. “It’s a much less intimidating environment to hang out with the CEO.”

Yet, it seems to be the competitive aspect of running that attracts the high-level executives who once spent the day on the golf course. More than 100 CEOs will race in their own category in the Mercedes-Benz Corporate Run Series in South Florida this month, including the top brass at Sheridan Healthcare and the president of St. Thomas University. Goldstein at Royal Caribbean International takes the challenge seriously. He’s training with a coach and believes his passion for fitness and running has filtered down, galvanizing more than 300 participants on the cruise line’s team in the Miami corporate run. Goldstein also has formed company teams to compete in national running events with him. “Being able to compete as colleagues is important to me. I have bent my schedule to make races.”

At a time when stress levels are high and working hours longer, busy professionals say running fits easily into their work life balance. Heather Geronemus runs 40 miles a week. Even while traveling often for her job as events marketing director at Ultimate Software, Geronemus sticks to her running routine.

“All you need is sneakers. It’s a nice way to explore a community. I just ran the Vegas strip last week.” said Geronemus, chair of the MADD Dash Fort Lauderdale, who also travels for marathons and uses running as common ground with people she wants to meet for business. “It is the newest way to network.”

Running can also be a productivity booster. Every weekday morning, Rebecca Laracuente-Hernandez and eight other women meet at a nearby university to run for an hour as the sun rises. “It has become like a support group. We run. We talk and then we shower and head to our jobs.” By 9 a.m., when she arrives at her office at Wells Fargo Bank, Laracuente-Hernandez says she’s ready to do her best work. “I’m relaxed, and feel I can tackle anything.”

All it may take is one runner at a workplace to change the vibe. Jim Halley, a competitive runner who works at the Fort Lauderdale Executive Airport, says he’s that guy. “I’m not pushy about it. I just let my co-workers know if they are interested, I can help them out.” Halley says he always rallies a team for the local corporate run, encouraging colleagues to get past hesitation or the awkwardness of sweating alongside co-workers. “Once they make it across the finish line the first time, they’re hooked.”

Pearls of Wisdom from Successful Women

As I strive for work life balance, I've come to accept I can't be everywhere I want to be. Last week, I had to miss an event I was looking forward to attending for a family funeral. But fortunately, I have a wonderful community of people who I can rely on to fill me  and you in on what we miss. My guest blogger today, Dina Allende, attended The Commonwealth Institute's Top-50 Women-Led Businesses awards luncheon and shares the helpful insights she took away from the event.

Dina Allende is founder of Clique PR & Marketing in Miami and has more than 20 years experience providing public relations services to clients including those in the travel, hospitality, food & beverage and entertainment industries. 

Here are pearls of wisdom Dina gleamed from the presenters that should be useful to you:

As a Hispanic female entrepreneur, I work hard to make a difference, and often I find myself emulating some of the women I've come to meet through The Commonwealth Institute South Florida (TCI), comprised of women entrepreneurs and high level corporate executives.

When Donna Abood, chairman of Colliers South Florida - a real estate business - came to the podium, I didn’t think I’d have much in common with her.  Come to find out that she’s a woman who has come full circle in her industry after hitting rock bottom with the recession between 2008 and 2012.  Abood found herself having to restructure her business.  That turned out to be the biggest blessing of all, because she realized that she really loved what she was doing. She was inspired by the love and ethics of one man -- her father.  He only had a high school education, but rose above it all to make something of himself.  That vision of her father reminded her “why” she was doing what she was doing. 

Like Abood, I also found myself restructuring my career during the recession, and I often focused on my parent’s achievements, particularly my father who was an American Diplomat with the U.S. Foreign Service.  As a result, I developed a passion for my career in public relations, and today, I consider my boutique agency to be one of the good ones.  During difficult times, Abood says, “remember where you came from and hold onto that, and do what makes you happy or adjust.”

By the time, Pam Swensen came around, I was feverishly taking notes.  When else would I get such great advice by so many powerful women under the same roof?  As the CEO of the Executive Women’s Golf Association, Pam has managed to take her non-profit organization to the list of Top-10 Non-Profits in Florida.  During her speech, Swensen put up a little, white golf ball and said it was a crystal ball.  She said it was a connector and opened doors.  “Knowing the game would set you apart from your competitor,” she said, “After all, golf has been widely accepted as a venue for conducting business and men have been doing it for years.”  She’s right, and that got me thinking -- why not have that added skill set as part of my business repertoire. As Swensen put it – You are the CEO of your career! 

The most touching moment for me was when Jodi Cross, TCI Florida’s executive director, addressed the crowd one final time with her parting words of wisdom.  After nine years of service with TCI, Cross plans to pursue other avenues. There are three key messages that Jodi Cross gave that I will walk away with.  They may sound like a given, but more often than not, we tend to forget.  During challenging times, she said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Keep it real. Be fearless!” 

Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg: Work life balance guru or marketing genius?

Don't get me wrong, I  love to discuss women in business and work life balance. But I'm absolutely floored by the amount of attention Sheryl Sandberg has received on her new book: of Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. 

She could give all of us lessons in self-promotion on a grand scale. I am officially dubbing Lean In the mother of book launches. Sheryl has been on Katie, CNN, NPR, Nightline, 60 minutes. Heck, she's been on the cover of Time Magazine. My Inbox is jammed with blog posts and commentary about her book...and they keep on coming.

Do you know how many trees I have killed over the last decade writing articles about women who have said the same thing Sheryl is saying in her book? Sheryl's message to women about "leaning in" or putting your foot on the accelerator rather than letting fear about work life balance prevent you from going for the big job is not new one. She has just packaged it differently, given it a catchy title and timed the conversation well. Women are desperately trying to figure out why we haven't gotten further ahead in Corporate America and here's Sheryl ready to speak on behalf of working mothers. 

What's amazing to me is that the media can't get enough of Sheryl Sandberg. She's smart, she's well spoken, she's got clout as COO of Facebook and she has a point of view. 

 

A journalist colleague wrote me this email:

I'm listening to Sheryl Sandberg on NPR And thinking: Really? What the hell has changed in the last 30 years, if we're still talking about workplace inequality, childcare, glass ceilings, the imposter syndrome?

I'm in the process of clearing out my garage, and finding feminist workplace manifestos going back 24 years  to the late '70s. I'm reading them, listening to her, and I'm telling you, only the names have changed.

Every generation feels like they're the first to deal with whatever it is (workplace equality, motherhood, sex, child rearing) and they are so wrong. 

So now Sandberg has the media's attention and she's making the most of it. You may or may not agree with what she has to say about motherhood, work and advancement but you can't aruge that she hasn't used the media platform well. She has sparked a national conversation about women in the workplace and she's savvy enough to keep that fire lit as long as possible.

TIME’s deputy managing editor Nancy Gibbs asked Sheryl what surprised her about the first few days of her book launch.  "I’m surprised by how much attention and how early it has been,” Sheryl said, noting that the book had only officially come out that very morning. “That hasn’t stopped anyone from having an opinion of it,” Gibbs pointed out. “What I’m concerned about is stagnation and apathy, and if a heated debate around a book is what it takes to spark a conversation, then that’s great,” replied Sandberg.

If you ask me, Sheryl has leaned in and turned herself into a household name. Whether or not you agree with her message about the challenges women face in trying to get ahead, its hard not to see why Sandberg has risen.

Readers, what do you think of Sandberg and her media blitz? Is is she the leader of the next feminism revolution, a marketing genius or both? 

Work life balance is like a visit to the cafeteria

 

 

Not long ago, someone in one of the many work life groups I belong to posed this question:

What's your #1 work life tip?

There have been great responses, but today, someone posted a response that I absolutely LOVE and had to share with you. 

Sheryl Nicholson writes:

 

Recognize Life is a Buffet Table of Choices and always ask "What's the price?" and be willing to pay for any choice you make.

 

To me, Sheryl's advice is profound. How many times have you heard people groan about work life balance being a myth. It's not a myth. It's possible. But it takes making choices that have a price attached. Sometimes that price of a choice is high and can cost you a marriage, a promotion, a larger family, a lifestyle or even retirement savings. 

Sheryl's comment speaks directly to what Penelope Trunk said in her blog post earlier this week. She was addressing Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer's new ban of remote working at her company.

Penelope writes:

The message here (that Mayer is sending) is that if you want to work at a company where people are doing big and important things, you have to give up everything. It’s okay to say that. Telecommuting is for people who don’t want to give up everything for their company. Mayer doesn’t want to work with people like that.

The workforce divides into two halves: people who try very hard to decrease the conflict in their life between work and home, and people who try very hard to get to the top of the work world. You can’t do both. 

The reality of today’s workforce is that if you want to have a big job where you have prestige and money and power, you probably need a stay-at-home spouse. Or two full-time nannies. Which means most people don’t have the option to go on the fast track, because most people have not set their lives up this way.

So let’s just admit that most of us are not on the fast-track. Stop bitching that people won’t let slow people on the fast track. Stop saying that it’s bad for family. It’s great for family. It means people will not continue operating under the delusion that you can be a hands-on parent and a top performer. People will make real choices and own those choices.

This is true for men and women. Today anyone can rise to the top if they give up their life to do it.

If you want to parent—really be there for your kids—then you need an alternative career track. You can telecommute, you can work part-time, you can freelance, you just can’t work with people who don’t need those same accommodations.

So today, people have choices, people have more control over their lives than ever, and people have good information to make intelligent decisions.

 

I think it's critical to take all information at your disposal and be realistic with yourself when you ask, "how much am I willing to pay?" for a choice you are about to make.  The balance "myth" comes when you underestimate the price and become surprised or disappointed at check out.

Have you ever felt you paid too high a price for a choice off the buffet? Do you think most of us are realistic about the cost of their choices?

 

Women feel unappreciated at work. Here's how to change that.

                                            

I can't tell you how many times my husband has wanted or expected to be thanked for doing a chore I do on a regular basis. I am one of those women who at times feels underappreciated at home -- even as I try harder than ever to strike work life balance. 

American women now are experiencing that same feeling of being underappreciated in the workplace and it's time to do something about it.

The American Psychological Association reports that half of women (48 percent) feel less valued than men at work, and only 43 percent of women feel they receive adequate monetary compensation for their work (versus 48 percent of men). Moreover, only 35 percent of women think that they have opportunities for career advancement (versus 43 percent of men).

Our feeling that we're under valued in the workplace has some substance behind it. Did you know the average female makes an annual salary 25 percent less than her male colleagues?

This strong emotion of feeling that our contributions aren't appreciated may even be behind what's making us stressed -- the APA study found women report much more work stress than men, that their stress has increased over the last five years and that it causes headaches and upset stomachs.

Our big problem as women is that we tend to internalize the stress more than men. As Vivia Chen points out on her Careerist blog, "men have a fight or flight reaction" while women will "shut up and stay put."

If women are feeling undervalued at work, we should speak up. It may sound intimidating but it's probable that the men we work with or for have no idea we feel underappreciated.

John Gray, author of the soon to be released WORK WITH ME:  The Blind Spots between Men and Women in Business, found there's a big gender blindspot around feeling appreciated at work. When he asked men if they women they worked with felt appreciated, the majority answered yes. But when he asked the women they said no. Gray found the standard way of doling out recognition and praise can leave female employees feeling frustrated and overlooked. He also discovered most men are oblivious to the little gestures of consideration that make a huge difference to women.

Some also seem to be oblivious to the big gestures.

Yesterday, a large Miami law firm sent out a press release announcing that it has named 12 new partners. Of those, only three are women. I find this troublesome considering the majority of law grads and new associates these days are women. Do you think the women in that firm feel appreciated?

For many women, this fear of asking for the appreciation we deserve is a problem: we are great advocates for others, but paralyzed when it comes to doing it for ourselves. 

Going forward, we have to realize that men are not going to take it upon themselves to make us feel appreciated -- we have to shed our shut up and stay put attitude and ask for appreciation (in pay, advancement and assignments) if we deserve it.  

We've slowly begun to change expectations at home, to gain some more appreciation for our contributions. Now, we have to do the same in our workplaces.