The Work/Life Balancing Act

Work life balance, holidays, divorce -- managing it all

 

As a child of divorced parents, I remember my mom and dad arguing every holiday season over how they will make their work schedules fit in with who gets us kids on which holidays. My dad, a doctor, was often on call so keeping set days was tricky and, the negotiations often got ugly. 

Today, my guest blogger, Barry Finkel who shares his wisdom on how to keep family peace during the holiday season. Barry  is the founding partner of The Law Firm of  Barry I. Finkel P.A., a divorce and family law practice in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, focused on serving the needs of the entire family. .

By now, you should know which vacation days you will be able to use or which days your workplace will be closed. If you or your former spouse need to switch or negotiate remember civility: "The key question is 'Do I love my child more than I hate my ex?'"

Barry says:   "The most important thing to keep in mind is the best interests of your child. A lot of times divorce is highly emotional, and the vision of what is really important gets cloudy."

While he acknowledges that last minute issues arise, here is his advice for how to balance work, kids and divorce during the holiday season:

The holidays are upon us. Even for families of divorce dealing with time sharing and child custody arrangements, this can be a season of joy. With some advance planning, cooperation and flexibility, the children can enjoy quality holiday time with both parents.

 

It’s important that the divorce settlement’s child custody or time sharing arrangement be flexible enough to reflect and respect the family’s new reality. Assuming that’s the case, the following tips can help ensure everyone enjoys the holiday season together:

 

 

-          Focus on the kids. With all the following suggestions, keep the kids’ needs and emotions foremost in mind when making any changes to the time-sharing agreement. If issues or conflict arise, step back and seek compromise.

 

-          Plan ahead. As much as possible, parents should plan their holiday festivities around the existing time-sharing schedule. The normalcy and regularity of the existing schedule provides stability – especially for younger children.

 

-          Divide the day. If the families traditionally celebrate Christmas day, split the day in half, with one parent getting Christmas morning one year, and afternoon / evening the next. The same should be applied for New Years. Same goes for other holidays, like Hanukkah. With eight days, families have eight opportunities to celebrate.

 

-          Share the celebration. If the family historically has shared a holiday dinner, gift exchange or other ritual the kids have come to expect, continue the practice – assuming the parents can get along.

 

-          Meet the needs of out-of-town family. Grandparents and other family members have no inherent rights regarding time-sharing. If extended family has flown in for the holidays, however, parents should agree to relax time-sharing.

 

-          Get away. Whether through the timesharing terms or mutual agreement, it’s permissible for one parent to travel during the holidays without the children. If this is the first special holiday you will be alone, don’t put a guilt trip on your child.  Get out with friends, or volunteer at a hospital or food bank.

 

-          Always keep the children’s needs and expectations in mind. Observing or maintaining past traditions provides stability to the kids. Limit shuttling from one parent’s home to the other’s. Be flexible. Have fun.

 

 

 

5 secrets of success from Emmy Winners

 

If you watched the Emmy Awards last night, you might have noticed that the winners revealed their secrets to success.

Here's what I noticed:

1. Winning takes teamwork. Every winner went right up to the stage and thanked their team. That got me thinking, who would I thank?  If you won an award for doing your job well, who would you thank? Who is on your team at home and at work that pushes you and supports you to be all you can be? The right team also is critical to career success and work life balance. If there are not enough people on your team, do something about it.

2. Every winner dressed the part. My favorite part of awards shows is seeing how celebrities dress and act when they are their true selves. Do they successfully pull off the role of winner? Look at how you dress and act at work. Do you look and act like a winner? If you set a goal of becoming a law firm partner or landing a new client, you need to act like you're already in the role. This doesn't mean go out and spend a fortune on clothes. It means carefully watching those who win and knowing what you need to change to make it happen for you.

 3. Winners get inspiration from others. Emmy winners openly talk about who inspires them, even if it's their competition. Last night, Damian Lewis of Homeland, winner for lead actor in a drama, said he was inspired by the other lead actors nominees: "What an extraordinary honour to be in a category with these golden actors setting a gold standard in acting in a golden age of TV." Are you looking around your workplace or studying your competition for inspiration?

4. Emmy winners overcome periods of doubt. There are exceptions, but most Emmy winners have had low points in their careers. Mad Men's Jon Hamm, for example, spent much of the mid-1990s in Los Angeles as a struggling actor. Unlike other actors his age, he looked older and was turned away for youth-oriented productions.  Hamm's Mad Men castmate Eric Ladin has said that one of the reasons he looks up to Jon is that while he "made it" later than most actors, Hamm never gave up on acting.  You may be out of work for a brief period and may even need to reinvent yourself, but don't give up on career success.

5. Losing isn't all bad. HBO's Girls creator and star Lena Dunham is only 26 and was nominated for 3 Emmys for directing, acting and writing. That's a HUGE accomplishment. She didn't win but she did get a lot of buzz. Sometimes we don't realize that just being on the radar is a step in the right direction. If a deal doesn't come through immediately or you don't get the title you're seeking, stay with it. Sometimes just getting noticed is a win.

 

I think the coolest part of being an Emmy winner is that the title sticks with you for life. For example, from now on, every time anyone introduces Claire Danes, last night's winner for lead actress in a drama, they will say "Emmy Winner Claire Danes." While I'd love "Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist" as part of my title, I'm equally happy with being introduced as Carly's mom. I think I play that part well. In the end, for me, that's what being a winner is all about. 

 

Caregiving and work life balance: how to help your employee stay sane

When my 100 year old grandmother lived nearby and needed supervision, I felt stressed all the time. Working and taking care of an elderly relative is SO exhausting.

Did you know that between 30 and 35 percent of all U.S. workers report that they are currently providing care to an aging parent or disabled family member? About 11 percent of working caregivers will take a leave of absence and 10 percent will leave their jobs. Employers that can help their employees manage the stress of caregiver responsibilities and find balance have a lot to gain

                                 

Today, my guest blogger Blanca Ceballos who offers suggestion for how employers can  help their workers balance work and caregiving. Blanca is Manager of the Caregiver Resource Center atUnited HomeCare. United HomeCare has designed The Working Caregiver Assistance Program to provide employees who are caring for a parent or other loved one with information and support. Blanca can be reached at bceballos@unitedhomecare.com.

 

Caregivers face daily challenges as they juggle work schedules, parenting responsibilities, and personal lives while also caring for an aging or disabled family member. High blood pressure, weight gain, and depression are just some of the common health conditions family caregivers may experience.

I talked with one woman whose mother had Alzheimer’s disease. Several months after her mother moved in with her family, the caregiver learned that her cholesterol had risen dramatically and she had gained weight. The woman realized she was no longer exercising and was turning to comfort foods to help cope with the stress. She also no longer slept well, waking up several times a night to check on her mom.

 This caregiver’s situation is not unique. Employers will have to face the facts: between 30 to 35 percent of all U.S. workers are family caregivers, putting them into a special class of employees – the working caregiver. At one time or another, most of these employees have to make some adjustments to their work life to accommodate their caregiving responsibilities.

By addressing the unique needs of working caregivers through worksite wellness programs, employers can improve the health and wellness of their staff and also yield bottom line savings through reduced absenteeism and lost productivity.

 

Here’s how:

 

• Look for signs of caregiver stress among employees and reach out to them. Caregivers who are struggling to manage all their responsibilities at home and at work may show signs of fatigue, increased absenteeism or depression. But sometimes they will be reluctant to discuss family caregiving issues in a work setting. By reaching out to them, employers can initiate a dialogue that may help employees understand that they are not alone and there are community resources that may be of help.

 

• Become an information resource for employees with caregiving responsibilities. Employers are in an excellent position to help employees simply by making available good information. Invite experts to come in and talk on the subject of caring for an elderly or disabled family member. Some organizations, including United HomeCare, offer free seminars to help caregivers learn more about managing their responsibilities, provide basic caregiving tips, and also share information on community resources and support groups. 

 

• Educate employees about home care services they can obtain with flex care plans. Many employees who participate in flex care plans may not realize that some home care services for a dependent parent or other family member may be paid from flex care plans. Human Resources professionals can help communicate this information to employees and the conditions that must be met to qualify.

 

Helping working caregivers is a win-win situation. 

 

Avoid sibling struggles over elder care

I remember getting the call when my elderly aunt fell, went to the hospital. The social worker suggested (insisted) she go into a nursing home. My aunt had no kids and my sister, brother and I were the closest family members she had. The call began a series of discussions among my siblings about how to handle big decisions about her care, her finances and who takes time off to supervise. 

My brother is single. Does that mean he should be the one to do all the time-consuming tasks?

As parents age, siblings often are forced to make decisions as a team and decide which adult child will take the lead. That can get tricky when sibling rivalry exists. 

Attorney Mark Grand suggest parents do as much prep work as possible as they begin to age. The basics, he says, are to assign a power of attorney and health care surrogate. "You have a better chance that things will go well." His biggest piece of advice: "I don’t recommend putting kids to act together as power of attorney if you already know they can’t get along."

Below is my Miami Herald column with suggestions from experts.

 

Posted on Tue, Jul. 19, 2011

Caring for elders a challenge for families

By Cindy Krischer Goodman
balancegal@gmail.com

Kirk Lyttle / MCT

The phone call came when Robin D’Angelo was at work. Her father had fallen and was headed to the hospital in an ambulance — again. “I had to drop everything and rush to the scene.” D’Angelo felt her temper rising. She recently had argued with her brothers who live hundreds of miles away over whether to spend money to hire a full-time caregiver. “I feel like it’s all on me. I think the money would be well spent.”

For siblings, taking care of an aging parent can be fraught with decisions and dissention. As parents grow dependent on their adult children, arguments can erupt over whose work schedule is most flexible, whether mom or dad should move to a nursing home or who has control over financial decisions. The desire to cling to old familial roles or continue a festering rivalry can surface at the precise time when siblings most need cohesiveness.

“Even if siblings didn’t get along before, it’s possible to bond over the care of a parent,” says Rona Bartelstone, senior vice president of care management at SeniorBridge, a provider of elder care at home. “Focus on the common goal. It is all about your parent.”

Parent care promises to be an increasingly big concern for adult children. About 43 million Americans look after someone 50 or older, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving. Compared with five years ago, a smaller percentage — 41 percent vs. 46 percent — are hiring professional help. And more — 70 percent vs. 59 percent — are reaching out to unpaid help such as family and friends. Care giving is projected to cost those who look after their parents an estimated $3 trillion in lost wages, pensions, retirement funds and benefits, according to The MetLife Mature Market Institute.

Avoiding sibling struggles over parent care requires the ability to disagree without judgment, show each other mutual respect and communicate early and often. Experts say it’s possible to work together even if not everyone can participate in the same way and it’s possible to achieve consensus even in the most dysfunctional family. Warns Bartelstone: “There is no magic formula because every family is unique.”

Read more including some great tips.

 

 

How Google's Sergey Brin uses his time productively

Talk about a bizarre job interview. In last weekend's Wall Street Journal, Douglas Edwards recounts his 1999 interview with co-founder Sergey Brin, then 26 years old, to become Google's first brand manager. 

Edwards writes that Sergey showed up wearing roller-hockey gear: gym shorts, a T-shirt and in-line skates. "He had obviously been playing hard. I had known better than to wear a tie, but he took office casual to a new level."

Here's the hardball Sergey threw at him: "I'm going to give you five minutes," he told me. "When I come back, I want you to explain to me something complicated that I don't already know." He then rolled out of the room toward the snack area. I looked at Cindy (McCaffrey, director of public relations). "He's very curious about everything," she told me. "You can talk about a hobby, something technical, whatever you want. Just make sure it's something you really understand well."

Edwards writes: 

Later I found out that Sergey did this with everyone he interviewed. An hour wasted with an unqualified candidate wasn't a total loss if Sergey gained insight into something he didn't already know

What an amazing way to use time productively!

Today, I spoke to the Coral Gables Chamber of Commerce on the topic of distractions and using time productively. Distractions are probably the biggest impediment to work life balance. All those small distractions that interrupt our train of thought can drain hours from our work week.

Speaking of distractions, have you seen Allstate's new Mayhem campaign on distracted driving. (see below)

 

 

 

 

Allstate's point is that distracted driving could be costly. My point is that distracted living could be a detriment to your ability to be productive.

Here are a few tips for staying focused that I shared with my lunch audience today:

 

• Take away temptation. When you’re working on a task, shut down everything open on your computer not related to the task at hand.
• Limit email. Turn off the bing, set specific times for checking email. 
• Don't let Facebook suck you in. If you don’t’ rule Facebook or other social networking sites, they will rule you. Limit yourself to 10 minutes and then completely log out. 
• Close the door. If you want to focus, shut out all distractions. You may even want to announce to your co-workers or children that you are doing it. You don’t want to do this all the time, but when you do, it sends the signal that you’re serious about getting something done.
• Write it down. Most of us are visual. We know our goal but unless it’s in front of us, it’s super easy to get thrown off by so-called urgent interruptions.
• Give yourself downtime. Allot a block of time to relax and clear your head.
• Be strong in your focus. Be like a rock, not a tree. Don't get blown around by the chaos around you.
• Have a 2 p.m. check in each work day. Ask yourself, what do I need to focus on for the rest of the afternoon so I can leave work behind me and enjoy my evening?
• Be a role model. Remember, young people watch your actions and emulate them. If you're distracted by email or text messaging while you're eating, shopping, spending time with family, it sends the signal that it's okay for them to do it too.

Readers, how much time each day would you estimate that distractions cost you in lost productivity? Do you think its possible to shorten your work day by eliminating distractions?

 

 

Best Careers for Family Caregivers

One day at work, I got a call from the hospital. My elderly aunt was being released and wasn't well enough to go home. She needed to go to a nursing home, the hospital told me. And, it needed to happen within hours. I was the nearest relative and the one who had brought my aunt to the hospital. Suddenly, my life was in a frenzy. I took the afternoon off work and found her a nursing home. But that was just the beginning.

That was about 15 years ago and I had very young kids. I was thrown into the world of family caregiving, raising children and trying to keep my job. Anyone who has been a family caregiver knows how hard it is to balance work and caregiving responsibilities. I am thrilled to read in Smart Money that some employers are pitching in to help their workers who are caregivers.

Below is a snippet of the SmartMoney story. I hope it helps those of you who need this info. If you're not there yet in your life responsibilities, bookmark it for your future.

Best Careers for Family Caregivers

For the 43 million Americans taking care of another adult, climbing the corporate ladder may seem all but impossible. Now, though, help is coming from a surprising corner: Your employer.

A decade ago, few people had ever heard of corporate benefits like elder care leave and caregiving referral services. Now some 10% of companies currently provide them, a percentage experts expect to keep growing. Flex-time, which is critical for dealing with emergencies or monitoring care, is also getting more popular. Almost one in five companies say that in 2011 they plan to add or increase the amount of flex-time options they offer employees, according to a survey by executive search firm Amrop Battalia Winston.

For those that have found caregiving to be a career killer, it's a welcome change.

Read more: Best Careers for Family Caregivers