The Work/Life Balancing Act

Want romance? How to snag a last minute babysitter

A few years ago, I slipped on a brand new red dress, put on my makeup, curled my hair and doused myself in perfume for my big night out with my husband on Valentine's Day.

And then my phone rang. It was the babysitter, calling to say she couldn't make it. Ugh!

Tonight, my husband and I plan to slip out for a romantic Valentine's dinner. Fortunately, my kids are finally old enough that I have built in babysitters. But for years, going out on a holiday  meant scrambling to find a babysitter, (maybe paying a bonus) or staying home. 

 My guest today is Rachel Charlupski. Her really cool business, The Babysitting Company, matches reliable and energetic babysitters to parents’ needs. It prides itself on being available 24/7 and being able to accommodate last minute and special requests. In the U.S., her company offers babysitting services in Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Palm Beach, Orlando, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, New York City, D.C., Detroit, Chicago, Phoenix, LA, San Francisco 

Rachel says business grew from her passion for babysitting, which began during her early teens. She says she began to understand the benefits of her services: the peace of mind a good babysitter provides to parents.

After her schedule became inundated by babysitting jobs, Rachel, 18 years old at the time, founded The Babysitting Company. "I wanted to accommodate my network of clients with babysitters who are educated (for homework help), fun (so that kids can't wait to have them back), responsible (so Mom and Dad feel comfortable), energetic and available for travel (so that even on vacation or a business trip, Mom and Dad can have peace of mind)."

Tens years later, Rachel is still running her successful business and has great advice to share with parents:

Me: Should working parents feel guilty about going out without kids for Valentine's Day? 

Rachel: For parents, celebrating their love is important and kids look up to that. Kids thrive when parents show love to each other. However, you should do something for your kids before you leave...maybe leave a note on mirror for when they brush their teeth or candy on their bed. Valentine's Day is about being romantic but also about love and your kids kids should feel that love, too.

Me: Is it too late to get a babysitter on the day of a holiday?

Rachel: I can arrange babysitters on up to an hour notice. I know that sounds crazy but it is possible. New Year's Eve is more difficult, but not impossible. I did send a babysitter out this year on New Year's Eve on just a few hours notice. My sitters are amazing.

Me: How should babysitters gain trust of family?

Rachel: My sitters go through 10 hours of training before going to an assignment. Seeing how much someone puts into their profession should make parents more comfortable. When a babysitter enters the house, look at how that person greets you, how comfortable they make you feel and how they interact with your kids. Your intuition is the best thing. Kids have the best intuition besides mothers. 

Me: Is a referral from a friend enough of a reference?

Rachel: No one should come in without two professional references and you have to call the references.

Me: What should you expect to pay on a holiday such as Valentine's Day?

Rachel: Definitely expect to pay more. Tonight start at $25 an hour, and my babysitters at hotels get up to $50 an hour. We only take credit cards so that makes it easy when you come home. Our sitter have a receipt for parents to sign and we follow with a credit card receipt.

Me: What's the ideal amount of time needed to secure a babysitter?

Rachel: 24 hours notice is best. If a child is sick or something comes up, we usually can find someone last minute.

Work life balance, holidays, divorce -- managing it all

 

As a child of divorced parents, I remember my mom and dad arguing every holiday season over how they will make their work schedules fit in with who gets us kids on which holidays. My dad, a doctor, was often on call so keeping set days was tricky and, the negotiations often got ugly. 

Today, my guest blogger, Barry Finkel who shares his wisdom on how to keep family peace during the holiday season. Barry  is the founding partner of The Law Firm of  Barry I. Finkel P.A., a divorce and family law practice in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, focused on serving the needs of the entire family. .

By now, you should know which vacation days you will be able to use or which days your workplace will be closed. If you or your former spouse need to switch or negotiate remember civility: "The key question is 'Do I love my child more than I hate my ex?'"

Barry says:   "The most important thing to keep in mind is the best interests of your child. A lot of times divorce is highly emotional, and the vision of what is really important gets cloudy."

While he acknowledges that last minute issues arise, here is his advice for how to balance work, kids and divorce during the holiday season:

The holidays are upon us. Even for families of divorce dealing with time sharing and child custody arrangements, this can be a season of joy. With some advance planning, cooperation and flexibility, the children can enjoy quality holiday time with both parents.

 

It’s important that the divorce settlement’s child custody or time sharing arrangement be flexible enough to reflect and respect the family’s new reality. Assuming that’s the case, the following tips can help ensure everyone enjoys the holiday season together:

 

 

-          Focus on the kids. With all the following suggestions, keep the kids’ needs and emotions foremost in mind when making any changes to the time-sharing agreement. If issues or conflict arise, step back and seek compromise.

 

-          Plan ahead. As much as possible, parents should plan their holiday festivities around the existing time-sharing schedule. The normalcy and regularity of the existing schedule provides stability – especially for younger children.

 

-          Divide the day. If the families traditionally celebrate Christmas day, split the day in half, with one parent getting Christmas morning one year, and afternoon / evening the next. The same should be applied for New Years. Same goes for other holidays, like Hanukkah. With eight days, families have eight opportunities to celebrate.

 

-          Share the celebration. If the family historically has shared a holiday dinner, gift exchange or other ritual the kids have come to expect, continue the practice – assuming the parents can get along.

 

-          Meet the needs of out-of-town family. Grandparents and other family members have no inherent rights regarding time-sharing. If extended family has flown in for the holidays, however, parents should agree to relax time-sharing.

 

-          Get away. Whether through the timesharing terms or mutual agreement, it’s permissible for one parent to travel during the holidays without the children. If this is the first special holiday you will be alone, don’t put a guilt trip on your child.  Get out with friends, or volunteer at a hospital or food bank.

 

-          Always keep the children’s needs and expectations in mind. Observing or maintaining past traditions provides stability to the kids. Limit shuttling from one parent’s home to the other’s. Be flexible. Have fun.

 

 

 

Storms test workplace flexibility

The minute I heard that South Florida schools were closed on Monday, my kids cheered and I groaned. If I listened hard enough, I could hear other working parents groan, too. Up north, parents have to contend with snow days. Here we have to deal with storm days. Regardless, all of us have to contend with bosses who may or may not understand the predicament parents face when kids are off school and we are expected to come to work. To me, that's when companies who call themselves family-friendly are put to the test. Talking to crazed parents on Monday inspired me to write the article below: 

 

Posted on Tue, Aug. 28, 2012

Storms, school closings provide ultimate workplace flexibility test

By Cindy Krischer Goodman
balancegal@gmail.com

 

As Floridians set out frantically buying storm supplies this past weekend, one announcement created almost as much panic as the threat of high winds: public schools would close on Monday.

For working parents, the news triggered a mad scramble for child-care solutions, particularly when most businesses chose to stay open. Trapped, some parents were forced to take a vacation or sick day, others showed up at work with kids in tow, while the desperate begged relatives or babysitters to step in at the last minute.

Across the country, hundreds of companies boast of being family-friendly workplaces. But to me, days like Monday speak volumes about the reality of that label. For parents, it’s not only how our employers react to our need for accommodation during weather related events; it’s also how well they’ve planned for it.

As news of Tropical Storm Isaac circulated, top managers at C3/CustomerContactChannels in Plantation held meetings to prepare for various scenarios. Supervisors were told to allow employees to work from home when possible and encourage staff to download documents to their laptop hard drives to be able to work on them even without an Internet connection. Even more, the company, which operates call centers around the world, began brainstorming ways that hourly workers could make up time off for weather-related office closures.

On Monday, when downpours flooded the streets, Alicia Laszewski, vice president of communications at C3, asked to work from home. Pregnant, Laszewski says she felt uncomfortable making the commute to the office and had two young children out of school. She got the green light to work from home. “It builds loyalty that they have respect for me and my health and my family,” Laszewski said.

Read more....

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/08/28/v-print/2972484/storms-school-closings-provide.html#storylink=cpy

 

Teachers offer back-to-school advice for working parents

A friend of mine met her daughter's teacher for the first time a few months before school started -- at Walmart. In the check out line, she learned about reading resources that could have helped her daughter had she known about them earlier in the year. She has vowed to meet her daughter's teacher this year within the first few months of school.

Regardless of what grade your child is in, "contact your child's teacher or schedule a conference early in the school year to establish an open line of communication," says Joan O'Brien, a middle school math teacher in Davie, Florida.

In today's Miami Herald column, I asked additional teachers for their best advice for how working parents struggling with work life balance can stay involved in their child's education.

Posted on Tue, Aug. 21, 2012 Back-to-school basics for working parents By Cindy Krischer Goodman balancegal@gmail.com C.M. GUERRERO / EL NUEVO HERALD   Families scramble on the first day of school at Devon Aire K-8 Elementary School in South Days on the first day of school for Miami-Dade County on August 20, 2012. This school year, some working parents are changing their game plan. Felicia Alvaro, vice president of finance at Ultimate Software, is one of them. Last year, her teenage daughter was secretive about grades and attendance. But a phone call changed that: Alvaro was called in to meet with her daughter’s guidance counselor and a concerned teacher and learned her daughter’s grades had slipped and she had skipped classes numerous times. “If I’d met with them after the first time, it wouldn’t have happened again. I was busy with work and it was easier to naively trust my teenage daughter,” she said. In the new school year, Alvaro plans to meet with teachers proactively, every few months, and she will drive her daughter to school every morning “just to open the door to communication.” Clearly, most of us know parent involvement can make a difference in a child’s education. But at a time when the literacy rate has plummeted and the SAT reading scores were the lowest on record, are working parents too busy earning a paycheck to take an active role in their children’s learning? With that in mind, I turned to teachers for advice on how working parents with heavy job demands can best stay involved in their children’s education. Their suggestions are aimed at parents of all income levels and all grade levels. The consensus among teachers is that parents don’t need to spend hours volunteering in the classroom or sitting on the PTA board. Involvement, they say, starts with a simple gesture: finding out a teacher’s email address and using it to communicate — from your desk, business hotel, home or nearby library. In elementary school, where a teacher can be the reason a child looks forward to waking up, meeting that person should be considered a parent’s priority. Kim Milov, a fourth-grade teacher at Hawks Bluff Elementary in Southwest Ranches, believes parents should try extra hard to attend open house/meet-the-teacher night. “That way, even if you’re at work you have a visual connection with your child at school. You can imagine him sitting in his chair.” Milov also suggest parents consider taking one day or night during the school year to show involvement. “Maybe you could come for field day, or chaperone a field trip or participate in an evening program like family night.” Donna Rabinowitz, a first-grade teacher at Central Park Elementary in Plantation, says three key moves will make a difference when your child is in the first few years of grade school. First, look through your child’s work folder on a regular basis to see what he or she is doing in school. If you see your child is struggling with something and you don’t have time during the week, put it to the side. Then, take a half hour out of your weekend to go over that skill. Second, read with your child, even if it’s just 10 minutes a night. Lastly, review your child’s homework every night. If the child did poorly on something, know the reason. Showing your child you care about what they do in school is important: “We only have one short year to mold them. You have many years to mold them.” For young children, parent-teacher conferences are critical, teachers say. Carolina Garcia, a kindergarten teacher at Coral Park Elementary in Miami, says teachers realize that parents, sometimes, can’t afford to miss work for a conference. But most teachers are willing to set up a phone conference. “Just having that one-to-one conversation with your child’s teacher is important.” In between conferences, she advises parents to read the weekly newsletter teachers usually send home. “If parents are divorced, we can send each a copy.” Abbi Stoloff, a fourth-grade teacher at Fox Trail Elementary in Davie, says talking to your kids about school, regardless of their age, shows involvement. “If you can’t be involved during the work week, be involved on the weekends.” Rather than grilling them about their day, spark a casual conversation, she advises. “Listen, guide them and be a presence. Ask questions about what they’re working on at school. Good communication makes the day-to-day easier. That’s involvement.” Unlike grade school, teachers expect more independence from middle school students. But that doesn’t mean parents should back off, teachers say. Lori Goldwyn, a math teacher at Tequesta Trace Middle School in Weston, suggests regularly looking over your tween’s agenda and making a routine of checking teachers’ websites. “Bookmark them and communicate with the teacher.” Goldwyn says one of the simple steps working parents can take is to spend 10 minutes on Sunday nights talking about the week — what’s due, what needs to be signed, what tests are coming up. By high school, some parents back off completely. That’s a mistake, teachers say. Daniel Muchnick, a U.S. history teacher at Miami Norland High School, says working parents of teens can become stay involved with a few keystrokes on a keyboard. Parents should be aware that many school districts use online grade books, he says. “Grades, attendance, assignments…everything is available online.” Parents can also establish alerts so they can be notified by e-mail or text if their child is absent, if an assignment is missing or if a grade point average drops. Muchnick recommends checking your teen’s grades at least weekly, and if you see he isn’t doing well, email the teacher. “We welcome communication from parents. When parents are involved, grades are better. There’s definitely a connection.”

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/08/21/v-print/2961928/back-to-school-basics-for-working.html#storylink=cpy

 

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/08/21/v-print/2961928/back-to-school-basics-for-working.html#storylink=cpy

 

The best back-to-school organizing tips I've collected

 

 

 

Today, I dropped my youngest off for his first day of middle school and watched him walk excitedly into the building. It hit me that I'm moving into a new phase in my life. As I usher my son along the path of being more independent, I can pull back a little from homework supervision and packing his lunch. For most parents, the new school year involves changes in routine that require we reorganize and readjust.

From what I've discovered, ensuring life runs smoothly is a good goal but most of us have made mistakes and forgotten an orthodontist appointment or to sign a permission slip for a class field trip.  

Over the years, I've had lots of experts weigh in and I've decided today I'm  going to share some of the best back to school organizing tips that I've collected:

* Calendar everything. Get the school calendar for the year with days off and early release. Incorporate that into your work calendar so you can plan ahead. Write down the date of the meet-the-teacher night and the schedule for tryouts for school sports teams. Do it now!

* Schedule vacations or time off. If you are entitled to days off at work, find out now when there are school holidays, awards ceremonies, field trips and put in your time off requests. If you wait until the last minute, other working parents may already have requested those days off.

* Stock up. At the beginning of the school year, buy extra report covers, poster boards, glue sticks and markers. It will save you from making a mad dash to Wal-Mart after a long day at work.

* Hold Sunday night planning sessions. As the week approaches, sit down as family and discuss plans for the week. Who has late night business meetings? Who has SAT prep class or soccer practice? A ten minute discussion on Sunday night can save unnecessary meal preparation, and schedule clashes.

*  Provide back up lunch money. Has your child ever had to eat bread and butter at school because he forgot his lunchbox? Mine has and  it made me feel like a horrible mother. A good mother (or parent) sticks money in the kids' backpacks or school lunch accounts at the beginning of the school year to ensure they have the option of buying lunch if needed.

* Clear the clutter as it arrives. I don't check my kids' backpacks every night. I never have, but I know I should. However, I do try to check them at least every  few days purge school papers as often as possible. I use the advice organizer Diane Hatcher of TimesaversUSA.com shared with me: If something that comes home from school has meaning to you or your child, save it; Otherwise toss it.

* Remember not to forget. I got this tip from Simplify101.com and I love it because I'm kind of forgetful. Create a simple system by the door to help you remember your new routine or special items you need to take with you each day: gym shoes on gym day, violin on music day, and snacks on snack day. Hang a bin or basket by your door to corral the items you need to remember.

If you have any back-to-school tips that have worked for you, I'd love to hear them. Good luck all of you in the new school year!

Working Parents get back-to-school anxiety too

 

This week I have a knot in my stomach. I get it every year around this time as I prepare the kids for back to school. Like most parents, I want the school year to go smoothly. I want their school schedules to blend well with my work schedule and work life balance to be possible. For parents, back to school can be just as stressful as it is for our kids.

As I scurry around, setting up carpools, buying school supplies and stocking up on lunch box snacks, I worry about what's to come and I mourn the end of summer.  I want my kids to have great teachers, good class schedules, friends in their classes and trouble-free ride on the school bus. Isn't that what all parents want for their kids?

But like some parents, I struggle with being involved in my kids lives and being "too" involved. Should I help them find out clubs to get involved in or tryout schedules for school sports teams? Should I let them do that on their own?  

This morning I read an interview with California psychologist Madeline Levine  in The Huffington Post that made me think about how I will conduct myself as the new school starts. In Levine’s new book, "Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success," she says: "Life is difficult. And the idea of keeping your child happy all the time -- that’s about overparenting."

Levine explains, "We understand some of this better with really young kids. If your toddler walks and falls on her butt, you say, “Come on, honey, get up and walk again” You don’t run in and pick her up every time she stumbles or falls because if you did, she’d never learn how to walk. I’m talking about the same ability, not just to tolerate but actually to take pleasure in a child’s backwards and forwards development, his or her successes and failures."

My oldest child will be a junior in high school this year. She doesn't want me to come to her orientation tonight where students get their schedules and walk from class to class. It's killing me.

When I read what Levine had to say, it hit home. She writes: "The tough part of being a parent is tolerating our own anxiety as our kids grow up and separate and become confident."

So, how do we know if we're overparenting?

Levine writes: "The research says that family life works best if as a parent you are reliable, available, consistent and noninterfering. That does not mean oblivious or not paying attention; it means you are not taking over for the kid." 

She does think it's okay to step in if parents see symptoms that would suggest that their kid has too much stress. 

This year, I vow to walk that fine line, to do my part in setting my kids up to learn, and finding my boundaries so that they can learn life's lessons too.

But for now, that knot in my stomach remains. Do you find yourself anxious as the school year approaches?

 

Summer time challenges facing divorced parents

A  friend of mine called me all worked up. She wants to take a summer vacation with her kids. But the week that she can take off work is the same week her ex-husband wanted to take vacation with the kids. She  explained to me that summer can be the most challenging time of year for divorced parents. She and her ex-husband must negotiate her children's summer activities, their vacation schedules, their camp schedules, who will pay for camp and whether there's child care coverage for the full summer. 

"It can be expensive and it can get ugly" she told me.  

Roberta Stanley, a partner who practices family law at Brinkley Morgan, says she's been called in when all kinds of summer challenges arise for divorced parents. Some of the typical issues that arise are whether parents can take kids out of the country on vacation, who will pay for summer camp, and what age is appropriate to make a child get a summer job. Stanley points out that an arrangement negotiated as part of a divorce settlement when a child is 5 may need revision when a child turns 15.

For her part, Stanley says she tries to get as specific as possible when she writes up an agreement between divorced parents concerning summer,kids and work schedules. "If you're specific and there's a dispute, you don’t have to pay lawyer again because everyone knows how it works, she said.  "Specifics breed flexibility and cooperation. A parent realizes that if I don’t cooperate when you need a deviation, you won’t cooperate when I need one."

Divorce attorney Barry Finkel says work schedules almost always play a big factor in summer challenges for divorced parents. For example, one parent may want to take an extended vacation; the other may have a job that affords little time off. "If one parent wants to take the child on a trip, try to work out the schedule well enough in advance to schedules can be juggled or changes can be made," he says.

Vicki Larson recently wrote an interesting piece titled: "Is Divorce Easier If You Don't Have Kids?" Her conclusion -- sometimes, but not always. I wonder what my friend battling over summer issues with her ex would think about that conclusion?

Yes, even without kids, divorce can present challenges at work. A recent article in the Sun Sentinel focused on how the stress of a divorce can potentially hurt someone's career. "Those going through divorce may find their employer subpoenaed for information, their business in jeopardy or their chance for a promotion disappearing," the article noted.

On the flip side, Elinor Robin, a family mediator in Boca Raton, told the Sentinel that people often do better in their careers after divorce. "In the long run, divorce may ultimately prove to be a career booster. ... When the focus is off the marriage, the focus can be on the career," she said.

My conclusion: divorce sounds stressful. It appears pretty obvious that summer, kids, work schedules and ex-spouses can be a lot to juggle. Yet, it seems to me it's well worth the effort to make the balancing act as pain free as possible. 

 

When motherhood hits a turning point

Here I am, sitting at my computer, relaxed. The daily chaos of juggling kids school schedules, their activities, and writing deadlines has come to a temporary lull. My kids are at summer camp ALL DAY, they have no evening activities, and I have plenty of writing time.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Can you hear it?

Not only does this week mark the beginning of summer, for me, it also marks a transition. All my kids have finished elementary school, my teenager is driving and my kids school hours going forward will allow me to have an uninterrupted work schedule for almost eight straight hours.

Getting here, to this place of work life balance, wasn't easy.

One day, many years ago when my daughter was a toddler, I was in the middle of reporting a story when I got the dreaded call from her pre-school. "Come get your daughter NOW. Her nose is running and it's green." I was horrified about having to tell my boss I had to leave and turning my notes over to another reporter. This was pre-laptop days so finishing from home wasn't an option. A co-worker, whose kids were in college, whispered in my ear: "It get's easier."

When? When will it get easier? I wondered.

Three kids and 16 years later, it has finally gotten easier.

Make no mistake, raising tweens and teens is challenging in its own way. But my kids no longer need that intense supervision that younger children need on a daily basis. Even more, having a teen that drives takes some of the shuttling responsibilities off my plate.

I'm a different mother today than I was when I started the work and family balancing act. I’m calmer. I’m humbler. I'm wiser. I have stopped assuming there is a "right" way to parent and started trusting my own instincts and laughing at my mistakes. When chaos erupts at home, mid-deadline, I know that eventually calm will resume. I know now, too, that if I feel overwhelmed by my workload or  home responsibilities, it’s illogical to assume that I will always feel as awful as I do in the  moment.

All of this insight was gained by slowly and painfully, by doing the juggling act over a period of years and staying strong throughout the melt-downs. I was spurred on by a desire to find joy in the balance of a day instead of defeat in what I haven't accomplished. Now, I'm the co-worker whispering into the ears of sleep-deprived new mothers and fretful young fathers.

"It will get easier," I tell them. But it will never get easy.

 

Summer is here and working parents are panicked

I survived another school year!! Wahoo!

The last few weeks of the school year seemed like an endurance test. Between awards ceremonies, graduation parties and buying teacher gifts, it took all my balancing skills to juggle my workload and home responsibilities.

Now, I'm beat and the next work life balance challenge awaits.

Inevitably this time of year, the conversation among working parents is "What are your kids doing this summer?"

For moms like me, who only have it partially figured out, the question can incite a mild panic attack.

Summer typically is the most challenging and expensive time of year for parents who need child care
coverage to match their work hours. One smart Miami mom whose tapped into parental panic is Karen Meister. She runs Camp Experts & Teen Summers. I've used Karen to help me cut through the summer camp clutter and figure out which one best suits my kid. Karen doesn't charge parents. She gets paid by the camps.

If you're in panic mode, there are other places to turn to as well.

*Your city's parks and recreation department is a place to start for free camps.

* MomsMiami has a great summer survival guide and most big cities have similar mom sites that offer guides as well. There are national camp search guides at go camp and

* Check out museums. Not only do they have great summer camp programs, they offer volunteer opportunities for teens.

* Consider online courses. High school students in Florida must take an online course to graduate. I'm having my son take a course on Florida Virtual School over the summer. There are courses for kids in K-12.

* Bringing your child to work may be an option if they are old enough to be helpful. Don't be afraid to ask. All your boss can do is say no.

* If your company has a flex policy, now may be the time to use it. According to Office Team, Seventy-five percent of human resources managers said their company offers flexible schedules during the summer.

* If you have a teen, some employers are hiring. A new jobs report says summer jobs for teens has soared to its highest level in six years. Encourage your child to get out there and job hunt.

Good luck working parents!

 

 

 

What new mothers need at work might surprise you

For most new mothers, giving birth is the easy part. It's the worrying, the juggling, the financial stress and trying to please everyone that makes a working mother's life challenging.

In honor of Mother's Day, I spoke to new mothers and asked them what makes a difference for them at work -- what keeps them in the job they hold after returning from maternity leave. I wanted to know if what they need is what employers think they need.

Janet Fernandez knows she's fortunate. She's in business for herself and makes her own hours. Most new mothers want control over their schedules. Time off means lack of income, but Janet went back after two weeks working a reduced schedule out of her home. She plans to start working from her office soon, for a few hours a day while her mother watches the baby. Janet, a travel agent, says she's narrowed her niche, and will now specialize by running cruiseweddingsinc.com. She feels that will allow her to work smarter, still earn income and still spend time with her baby.

Five years after giving birth, Katrina Ductant, a safety manager for South Florida for Turner Construction Co., still remembers how difficult it was to come back to work after giving birth, particularly in a male dominated industry - construction. One of the first things she did was have a conversation with her supervisor. She let him know she preferred not to work the late night shifts. He agreed. "In return, I worked harder while at work. I would go the extra mile so that when I did leave, I didn’t leave feeling like could have done more or didn’t have productive
day."

I also spoke to Rose Alouidor, mother of three month old Melody. Rose is a teacher at Sunny Isles Beach K-8. She told me she went back to work after 7 weeks because she couldn't afford to take more time off. Fortunately, she works in a family-friendly school where her prinicipal and co-workers understand if she needs to come in late to take her baby to the pediatrician. "The key thing that makes a difference, is an understanding employer, before and after you have the baby."

What I came to learn from new mothers is that both a supportive boss and supportive co-workers are key in whether a mother stays in her job during that critical first year. There are lots of moms who go back to work and get treated so poorly, they leave. They don't necessarily drop out of the workforce, they find a job that better suits them.

Today's mothers are older on average, more experienced and skilled. It's in an employer's financial interest to do what it takes to keep them. I hope today's column gives them some much-needed insight. Moms, if you aren't getting support at work, look at your options. There are some businesses where moms are treated well.

Posted on Tue, May. 08, 2012 Moms back on job; will they stay? By Cindy Krischer Goodman balancegal@gmail.com   Adrienne Zalkind holds her 8 month old daughter, Chloe during a brief moment of rest at a fountian near their home. For working women with young children, work and chlidcare becomes a complicated balancing act. In late April, Alexandra Bach Lagos had one of those rough weeks most lawyers dread. She spent three days out of town conducting depositions, returned and put in two more 12-hour days. While the schedule would be taxing for anyone, it was particularly difficult for a new mother. “What keeps me going is having a supportive work environment,” says Lagos, explaining that her partners gave her the option of having someone else conduct the out-of-town depositions. “I said, no, I’m fine. I want that opportunity and I’m going to take it. But it’s the fact that they care, and want to make it work that makes a difference,” says Lagos, an associate at Shook Hardy & Bacon in Miami. As families get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day, workplaces are struggling with how to keep new mothers engaged and employed. A new study of mothers by TheLadders.com shows those who return to full-time work after giving birth said they do so for first for financial reasons and secondly because they enjoy the work. Yet, even in this troubled economy, new mothers bolt when the juggling act becomes too overwhelming. New mothers, often experienced workers with valued skills, say there are particular workplace factors that keep them in their jobs the trying first year, when exhaustion, emotions and changed routines take a toll. Few of those factors cost a company money, yet many employers — both large and small — haven’t figured them out. “Good companies are having honest conversations with their new moms,” says Jennifer Owens, editorial director of Working Mother. “They are talking to them in a non-judgmental way about how they can be supportive.” Studies show at most companies, the immediate return rate for mothers is significantly higher than the long-term retention rate. Mothers will tell you their direct supervisor plays a key role in whether they stick around. Adrienne Zalkind, a public relations executive and mother of two, discovered the importance of talking with her boss when she returned from maternity leave with her now 8-month-old daughter, Chloe. She sat down with her supervisor and discussed more flexible work hours, allowing her to pick up her baby on time from daycare. “If they work with you, it can make all the difference.” Co-workers play a role in retention, too, a factor employers may underestimate. Only two weeks back on the job, Fox News reporter Molly Henneberg attributes her smoother adjustment to “a community of working mothers” at the network who give her advice and encouragement and act as role models. “The first week can be a difficult emotional transition,” Henneberg says. “They told me each day would get better and then I would get into a routine. So far it’s worked.” On her second week back, Henneberg experienced her first work/family challenge. An unexpected late night threw a wrench into her child-care arrangement. “It used to be no big deal, but now it was like a military troop movement to make sure the baby was cared for.” Henneberg said her co-workers helped her figure it out, even offering to hold the baby during her live shots. Fortunately, her husband was able to leave work earlier than usual. Yet, for every story of a supportive workplace, there are mothers who have opposite experiences. Zalkind says the glare of co-workers who see a flexible work arrangement as perks rather than a different way of putting in the same hours can create the tension that causes a new mother to leave or search for a new job. “You have to walk out with your head held high, knowing you are working as hard as anyone else. But for some people, day after day, that can be hard to do,” Zalkind says. Some companies have become intentional in their effort to retain new mothers, offering coaching before, during and after maternity leave. Five years ago, Citi, a financial services company, discovered a high percentage of its women who go on maternity leave have 10 years of experience or more — “talent we can’t afford to lose,” according to Carolanne Minashi, regional head of diversity for Citi’s Markets & Banking Division. The discovery led to a voluntary program called Maternity Matters. The program, started in the United Kingdom and now offered in the United States, offers group coaching for new moms and their managers and maternity buddies for the women giving birth or adopting. In the United Kingdom, Citi says its short- and long-term retention of mothers has risen. And, while Citi hasn’t released U.S. retention numbers, spokesman Anu Ahluwalia said more than 1,000 of its employees here have participated. Read more....

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Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/08/v-print/2789993/moms-back-on-they-stay.html#storylink=cpy

 

 

 Fox News reporter Molly Henneberg says support from co-workers and her boss make motherhood and work much easier.

 

 

 

 

 

 Janet Fernandez is a business owner who makes her own work schedule. She started working from home two weeks after baby Sofia was born.