April 09, 2015

An amazing perk: paternity coaching

It's a fact, fathers hesitate to take paternity leave. But that may change as more companies offer it and more men see the value. Paternity coach Delaine Barr is a member of the Ernst & Young Americas Executive Coaching Team. She has been working with some of the men at the accounting firm who are eligible to take up to six weeks leave in total. I spoke with her to gain an idea of this valuable perk for new fathers.

UnknownQ. What is the process of working with a maternity or paternity coach like?

A. We aren’t structured in our approach. When I’m working with a new parent, I let them drive the conversation. If they are getting ready or thinking of going on leave, I have them describe what a successful leave would look like for them at home and work.

Q. How many sessions are involved?

 

A. We offer up to eight sessions. They are done on a monthly basis. If someone has a lot of momentum around a specific topic, he or she may not want to wait another four weeks, so we touch base in two weeks. Some people might start their coaching sessions three months before they go on leave. Others in the program start when they are getting ready to come back from leave. Not everyone starts or stops coaching at the same point in their transition.

Q. Are your sessions by phone in person or on Skype?

A. Usually by phone. I have people I coach who are all over the United States and Canada

Q. What are issues that come up after someone returns from parental leave?

A. The biggest fear with any new parent is typically what happens to the work while I’m gone. How connected should I be, can I be and do I want to be while on leave? When they come back, I find a lot of discussion or concern with what kind of professional am I going to be now that I have these responsibilities at home. Most are high performers who are used to performing above average. They are worried that now they will be just an average performer and want to know how to shift.

Q. What advice do you offer them about that shift?

A. I get them thinking about everything they are involved in at home and work and help them get clear. I ask them what things they want to keep doing and what are some of those things someone else might be able to.

Q. Do you discuss the stigma with paternity leave?

A. It comes up. But in my experience in coaching new dads, I don’t hear about it as much as I used to. Some dads have been told, “I hope you have a great vacation,” when they actually will be busier at home caring for a baby than at work.

Q. How is paternity coaching different than maternity coaching?

A. There are so many similarities. I really find that both moms and dads are looking for ways to make things work, for ways to be better organized at home and at work. I found over a period of time that dads have become more vocal about saying they have responsibilities at home and making time for those.

Q. What comes up in your coaching sessions that most new parents hadn’t thought about?

A. Having one calendar for all events at home and work. Usually that means merging two calendars and using one and sending invites to your spouse or significant other when events are going on at home or work. It helps them to see their day, week and month and plan accordingly.

Q. What are issues men face as fathers in the workplace, particularly during transitions?

A. Making time for their family. Even when I’m coaching them on career transitions, I find men will talk about their opportunity, but in the back of their mind want to make sure it doesn’t take away from being there for their kids.

Q. What advice do you have for a new father?

A. Get clear on what things are most important, the nonnegotiable. The biggest benefit in working with a coach is you are going to explore those things that are most important to you and come up with an action plan tailored to your needs. You will have a coach asking about your progress, celebrating success, and where you are not making progress, they are going to ask about what’s going on.

Q. Do you have advice for someone who isn’t fortunate enough to have the benefit of a paternity or maternity coach?

A. If you are not working with a coach, I’m a big believer in finding a mentor mom or dad who you can talk to about specific situations to learn how they handled similar experiences.


Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/business/biz-columns-blogs/cindy-krischer-goodman/article17806391.html#storylink=cpy

 

March 27, 2015

Working parents: your boss may be judging you

Image
(Katharine Zaleski)

If people don’t quit their jobs, they quit their boss. How do you become a boss that workers refuse to leave?


The answer looks obvious from recent online discussion: Refrain from judging employees with an outside life.


In an apology letter to working mothers that set off a firestorm of online buzz, the president of an Internet startup gave a harsh account of how workers with family responsibilities are unfairly judged by their bosses.


As a manager at The Huffington Post and then The Washington Post in her mid-20s, Katharine Zaleski admits that she judged other mothers or said nothing while she saw others do the same.


“I secretly rolled my eyes at a mother who couldn’t make it to last-minute drinks with me and my team,” she wrote in a letter that appeared in Fortune. “I questioned her ‘commitment’ even though she arrived two hours earlier to work than me and my hungover colleagues the next day. I didn’t disagree when another female editor said we should hurry up and fire another woman before she ‘got pregnant.’


In a move that goes on in many workplaces, Zaleski said she scheduled last-minute meetings at 4:30 p.m. all of the time. “It didn’t dawn on me that parents might need to pick up their kids at daycare,” she said.

Zaleski said she didn’t realize how horrible she had been until she gave birth to her own daughter. She now runs PowerToFly, a company that matches women who want to work from home with jobs in the tech field.

We all know that Zaleski isn't the only boss who has harshly judged a working mother -- or father. It can be easy to dismiss a working parent as uncommitted, a worker with elder care responsibilities as distracted, or a younger employee who wants to train for a marathon as lacking work ethic. It can be easy to call super early morning or schedule evening dinners with clients that can happen during the regular workday.

But you don’t need to be in a person’s shoes to be a boss who creates a workplace where employees thrive. A good boss thinks about the bigger picture and realizes people have lives outside of work -- and that allowing them to do both well makes them more committed to their jobs!

I find myself offering encouragement almost weekly to a working mother or father who feels judged by a boss for asking for flex time or wanting to leave by 5 to make it to their son’s soccer game. Their most common complaint: my boss will penalize me.

A report from Bright Horizons Family Solutions, an employer benefit child-care and early education company, reveals many employees - male and female - feel they can’t be open with their boss about family obligations. As more fathers want to be equal partners in parenting, they still feel they can’t express that to their boss, especially non-parents. Bright Horizons found about a third of working dads have faked sick to be more involved with their family, and one in four have lied to meet a family obligation, according to the report.


That could change.

As millennials become managers, many do think differently about work/life needs. They want to be more involved in thier children's lives and may make it easier for thier staffers to balance work and family without being judged.

If you feel like your boss or co- worker is judging you for having a life outside of work, it might be time to speak up. Communicate your accomplishments and the ways you show your commitment to your job. It's unfortunate to think that some managers don't see the value that working parents bring to a workplace.

Have you felt judged by a manager for having personal responsibilities or interests outside of work? How did you handle it?


November 05, 2014

The Way Men Use Flex is Different

Flexibiilty at work. 

For many years, those three words have been associate with working mothers.

But quietly, working fathers are tapping flex, too.

Rather than making the formal flex arrangements that moms make, dads are using flex under the radar. 

Take Phil Ward, for example. Twice a week, Phil arrives at his Fort Lauderdale law office earlier than usual and plans his day knowing he wants to watch his son’s lacrosse practice at 6:30 p.m. If his wife can’t drop his son off at practice, Ward does some extra maneuvering of his schedule to leave his office earlier. He might work through lunch or log on later in the evening. 

How Men Flex, a newly released report commissioned by Working Mother, shows that seven in 10 men enjoy the ability to influence their schedule and do so without fear of negative consequences. But only 29 percent report that their flexible work schedule is a formal arrangement that repeats week to week. Men “flex” mostly as needed.

To better understand how men are navigating the flexible work and home terrain, the Working Mother Research Institute (WMRI), with support from Ernst & Young, surveyed 2,000 men and women about the impact of “flexing” on their lives. Researchers discovered that working dads, whose spouses now work too, increasingly want and need flexibility in their schedules as they partake in the juggling act once considered the exclusive domain of women.

Jose Hernandez-Solaun, president of a Miami real estate firm, notices that most men who need informal flexibility — in jobs where it is possible — negotiate it on the fly, and get it. Yet, “flex” comes paired with expectations, he says. “If I need you to produce spreadsheets and a presentation by Friday and you ask to leave early because you need to be with your kids, you better produce that information. It’s really about accountability.”

Hernandez-Solaun, a father of young children, says the expectations are two-sided: men expect leeway in their schedule and, in return, bosses expect a certain level of availability — even at home or on vacation. “Ten years ago, that wasn’t the case.”

Going beyond informal flexibility gets trickier for men. Most men fear that formal arrangements — such as a scaled back work schedule, telecommuting from home or leeway in starting times —  create the impression that they aren’t fully committed. 

For men in particular, there is a real fear of the stigma, too. “The No.1 concern … is that men feel the moment they step out or step back, they become dispensable. That’s the greatest insecurity of every man I know,” says Mike Tomas, a South Florida entrepreneur.

Like women, men with access to flexibility are more likely to say they are happy at work, productive, loyal and have good relationships with co-workers. And, those men who do flex — even informally — report higher levels of satisfaction with their relationships with their children.
 
The men surveyed say the ideal mix is working in office but from home occasionally as needed. To do that regularly, requires a workplace that allows that type of schedule. It looks like slowly, with more managers doing the balancing act, we're moving in that direction. Working moms may have paved the way, but men are quickly learning that flexibility has benefits.
 

June 19, 2013

The new reality: Male caregivers for aging parents

As the nation celebrated Father's Day, I wanted to write a twist on the articles we read all the time about more men taking bigger roles in the lives of their children. Yes, men are struggling with work life balance and work and family conflict. However, I saw a trend in men taking care of their aging parents. Although I focused my column today on men taking their dads, plenty of men are caregivers for their mom, too. Expect to see more men needing accommodations at work to pull off this balancing act. 

 

 

Flexible work schedules help men who care for parents

John Shoendorf, a CPA, takes a walk with his dad, Harold, along the dock behind Harold's apartment in Coral Gables on June 10, 2013. PATRICK FARRELL / MIAMI HERALD STAFF

By Cindy Krischer Goodman

Juan Erman Gonzalez was showing his clothing patterns to a customer when his cellphone buzzed. It was his mother telling him that his father had another fender bender. Gonzalez excused himself to his agitated client and zipped off to persuade dad to give up driving.

That was three years ago.

Today, Gonzalez ‘s dad, 85, resides in an assisted-living facility. The younger Gonzalez and his brother, Guillermo, deliver him special meals, spends a few hours by his side and mows the lawn of the home Dad refuses to sell. Just when he thinks the care arrangements are working smoothly, something will change and require his attention.

Gonzalez says he’s lucky; as a freelance clothing pattern designer, he’s usually able to fit work around his caregiving schedule. “Sometimes I am able to work a complete week, sometimes not.”

Gonzalez is among an increasing number of men caring for aging parents — especially fathers — and experiencing the work/life conflicts this new dynamic brings. While men are less likely to help Dad in the shower or to get dressed, they are stepping in to hire and fire doctors, drive Pop to the grocery store and manage finances. “They are doing things they never expected to do for their dads,” says Gary Barg, CEO and editor in chief of Caregiver Media Group.

Because more male caregivers work full time, many report that overseeing Dad’s care has required they modify their work schedules, leave early, take time off or turn down overtime. According to a study published in 2009 by the National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with the AARP, one out of three caregivers — about 14.5 million — are men. “I think it’s clear that the demands on men as well as women are going to increase in terms of family care,” Barg said.

John Schoendorf, a Miami forensic accountant and only child whose mother died at 40, has been transitioning into the caregiver role for the past two years, and has become closer with his dad. “My father has comfortably brought me into the loop of his financial and medical world.”

Still, Shoendorf has had to change his late-night working habits and rearrange his work hours to go with his 86-year-old father, Harold, on doctors’ appointments. “I have had to remember family is more important than work. That’s harder to do sometimes than others.”

While male caregivers like Schoendorf deal with the same issues as their female counterparts, they also face distinctive challenges. They are more likely to use paid assistance for their loved ones’ personal care. They tend to travel farther or spend more time organizing care from a distance, and they are more hesitant to let a boss or co-worker know about their role as a caregiver, according to the AARP. In fact, men feel challenged by the perception that their need for time off or flexibility to care for Dad will be seen as a lack of commitment to their job.

“We try to get male caregivers to understand they have taken on a new job role,” Barg says. “They have become CEO of Caring for my Loved One Inc. and that takes a time commitment.”

Sons often find their new role is an emotional and logistical roller coaster. Carlos Ramirez, a Miami healthcare consultant, has been caring for his 80-year-old father since his sister recently died from breast cancer. His father, who suffers from diabetes, now relies on Ramirez to make medical decisions that recently included the amputation of a toe. “On a typical week, I’ll make him appointments, go with him on appointments and follow up with doctors.”

Ramirez often needs to exercise the flexibility his career as a consultant provides. “Some specialists only see patients certain days of the week or do procedures certain days.” He finds himself in an ongoing tussle over how much of his father’s care he can personally take on.

Experts say getting ahead of an aging father’s needs makes the balancing act easier — but often doesn’t happen. Men are more likely to ignore the mental or physical decline and believe a father who says he’s fine — until it reaches a crisis, says Amy Seigel, director of Advocare Care Management in South Florida. “When a father says he’s fine, a son goes back to his childhood and he is still that guy’s son.”

Seigel, who runs a geriatric care management company, often gets the call from a concerned son miles away from Dad when a situation spirals out of control. “They are panicked because they are at work and having trouble managing the medical and emotion needs of a parent who lives in another city or state.”

Recently, she heard from a New York surgeon who called in between operations. He had called to check on his dad in a hospital in South Florida but was disconnected several times. “I can’t keep leaving my job and getting on a plane because Dad fell in Florida,” he exasperatedly told Seigel.

Such struggles are what led Seigel to launch her South Florida business. “We become the eyes and ears for these adult children who need help with overseeing the medical, physical and mental health needs of a parent.”

Whether from a distance or nearby, Seigel says managing the care of an aging parent is an emotional period for adult children when roles change. “It’s a chance to mend any differences and build a bond. It can be a nice, rewarding experience.”

Gonzalez and his father have had a strained relationship for many years. But now, as he spends time with Dad and shares caretaking with his brother, he sees himself as a role model for his children, 26 and 19. “It’s important for me to show my children there’s respect for the elderly. Even though I have worked out a system of professional care, it doesn’t mean I drop my father off and abandon him. I’m showing my kids that you be there for family.”

Even with busy work schedules, caregivers can be there for a parent by calling at the same time every day, says Steven Huberman, dean of the Touro College Graduate School of Social Work. Huberman also advises reluctant male caregivers to use personal days, ask for flexibility and inquire about elder care benefits, particular if they become aware of their father’s deteriorating condition. “It may seem like a burden, but I recommend they savor the moment.”



 

June 13, 2013

Working fathers deserve some attention

I love this time of year. My inbox is flooded with emails about surveys, research and gift ideas for fathers. I think my favorite part of the inundation is knowing that at least once a year, working fathers issues are getting attention.

For example, one email I received addressed offered me the opportunity to interview Paternity Leave pioneer, Dr. Jerry Cammarata, Dean of Student Affairs at Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine in Harlem, who filed and won the first-ever Paternity Leave lawsuit against the NYC Board of Education in 1983.  Cammarata believes the Family Medical Leave Act must immediately be amended to allow every father in all 50 states to be  encouraged to take advantage of paternity leave. 

Another email wants to make me aware of new research on fathers. A University of Missouri researcher has found that fathers and mothers are happier when they share household and child-rearing responsibilities. Along those lines, there's an article link that made its way into my inbox. The article by the Associated Press is titled: The new dads: Diaper duty's just the start It says more men are doing more around the house, from packing school lunches and doing laundry to getting up in the middle of the night with a screaming infant.

Let's not forget to give divorced dads some attention. Huffington Post blogger Vicki Larson writes her viewpoint in this post:  Why Is No One Paying Attention To Divorced Dads?

An then there's, Break Media's  New Face of Fatherhood. An info-graphic that breaks down the results of a survey on dads. Key insights:  33 percent of Dads want to spend more time with their kids this Father’s Day.

And, if you're shopping for Father's Day, this link is sure to be a winner: 10 Worst Father's Day Gifts and What to Do Instead 

 

To all the hard working dads out there, Happy Father's Day!

 

 

August 30, 2012

President Obama talks work life balance

Art-obamareddit-620x349


Who's more of a family man, Obama or Romney, Biden or Ryan?

All of them are working hard to make sure they are portrayed as one. It's encouraging to me that being viewed as "good father" is important to voters.

Yesterday, President Obama decided to hold an Ask Me Anything online chat on Reddit, a social online bulletin board. He took questions from the public and was asked about everything from who's his favorite basketball player to the most difficult decision as president to how he handles work life balance. He took the opportunity during his online chat to further polish his image as a family man.

On work-life balance he answered with this:

“It's hard – truthfully the main thing other than work is just making sure that I'm spending enough time with michelle and the girls,” he wrote.

“The big advantage I have is that I live above the store – so I have no commute! So we make sure that when I'm in DC I never miss dinner with them at 6:30 pm – even if I have to go back down to the Oval for work later in the evening.

“I do work out every morning as well, and try to get a basketball or golf game in on the weekends just to get out of the bubble.”


Along with work life balance, I found his comments on unemployment interesting. 

A recent graduate from a top law school who said he/she was unemployed with a large student loan debt asked Obama what he was doing to improve the economic outlook for young people. “We worked for you, we campaigned for you, and we turned out in record numbers to vote for you,” the Reddit user said. Obama said he understood how tough it was for recent graduates in the US but said the Republican Party would only cater to the interests of the wealthy.

 

“The other party has two ideas for growth – more taxs cuts for the wealthy (paid for by raising tax burdens on the middle class and gutting investments like education) and getting rid of regulations we've put in place to control the excesses on wall street and help consumers,” he wrote.

“These ideas have been tried, they didnt work, and will make the economy worse.

I want to keep promoting advanced manufacturing that will bring jobs back to America, promote all-American energy sources (including wind and solar), keep investing in education and make college more affordable, rebuild our infrastructure, invest in science, and reduce our deficit in a balanced way with prudent spending cuts and higher taxes on folks making more than $250,000/year.

I don't promise that this will solve all our immediate economic challenges, but my plans will lay the foundation for long term growth for your generation, and for generations to follow. So don't be discouraged - we didn't get into this fix overnight, and we won't get out overnight, but we are making progress and with your help will make more."


Obama had lots to say on other topics too. You can read the full interview by clicking here.

By the way, President Family Man, who had just finished an rally in Charlottesville, chose to sign off the online chat this way: "Speaking of balance, I need to get going so I'm back in DC in time for dinner."

 

June 18, 2012

Father's Day lessons: Do working fathers get enough respect?

Jameson
(Above: Jameson Mercier and his two daughters)

Do dads get short shrift at work? When it comes to scooting out early to pick a kid up from summer camp or day care, are moms more likely to get accommodated? And, what about at-home dads...are they given the respect they deserve.

Over the weekend, I watched Kramer vs. Kramer. It has been a long time since I've seen the movie in which a just divorced man must learn to care for his son on his own, and then must fight in court to keep custody of him. Mr. Kramer loses his high paying job when child care issues pop up over and over. His boss doesn't think he's committed to his job. The movie, starring Dustin Hoffman and made in 1979, made me think about whether much has changed for dads.

Do dedicated dads balancing work and family get treated fairly in 2012?

That depends on who you work for but I would say we've seen improvement. For the most part, I think bosses understand work life conflict, and they're understanding -- to a point.

I read some fascinating articles this weekend on dads pegged to Father's Day. Some of my favorites were about single dads, including one in the Augusta Chronicle which applauded those who are trying their best to be the best. I especially admire Miami Heat basketball star Dwyane Wade, who was profiled in a front page piece in The Miami Herald. Wade has a book coming out in September on his experiences with fatherhood after winning custody of his two boys from his ex-wife.

Even 30 years after Kramer vs. Kramer, I think its fair to say men are struggling as much as women to balance work and family. Technology has helped. Some employers are a tad more understanding than Mr. Kramer's boss when a dad may need to leave the office at 5 p.m. to take his kid to soccer practice but is willing to put in a few more hours after his kid goes to bed.

What I found fascinating was a piece in Working Mother, which devoted its June edition to dads. It says dads believe taking time off with the kids is a given. "Dads just matter of factly take the time they need and make sure they get their work done," said Brad Harrington, executive director of the Boston College Center for Work & Family who spearheaded The New Dad, a study of 900 working fathers. Career coach Caroline Ceniza Levine agrees "If dads need to be out of the office for a school event, they don't feel guilty or defend their choice: they're just out for an appointment."

Many Father's Day articles centered around the new trend toward at-home dads. A study from Harrington's center, called The New Dad: Right at Home,  shows married couples are making pragmatic decisions about who should stay home with the kids and sometimes, it's mom who commands the higher salary and greater earning potential so dad becomes the at-home parent.

I found examples of this in South Florida and wrote about it in The Miami Herald over the weekend. Fox News also reported on the trend with a headline that read: Mr. Mom Era: Stay-at-home
dads doubled over last decade.  

I was extremely touched by a piece in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on fathers who struggle with their child's autism diagnosis but found ways to embrace special needs parenting.

Clearly, the conversation about work life balance and family friendly employers has focused more on the working mother than the working father.  I think that's changing but we still have lots of room for improvement. Watch the clip below on Mr. Mom and you tell me if you think times have changed.

 

 

June 13, 2012

Father son businesses: Two different views of work life balance

Do you have the same work ethic as your parents? What would they say if you asked them that question?

As the founder of A.D.A. Engineering in Miami, Alberto Argudin has always put in long hours. Tweleve years ago, his son joined the firm and now oversees construction management. Alberto doesn't how and why his son delegates, supervises, and works a reasonable work day.

Son says: "The older generation had to struggle more than we had to. That doesn’t mean we don’t struggle as well. Our work ethic is there, but due to technology we can do the same amount more efficiently and quicker than in the past." 

Fathers and sons seem like the ultimate pairing for business success -- unless they butt heads and create workplace tension. Today, it's more challenging than ever for father and sons with the generational differences that exist. So, for Father's Day, I decided to look at few father son business teams who make it work.

 

The Miami Herald

Two generations learn to work together

By Cindy Krischer Goodman
balancegal@gmail.com

   Patrick Range, right, and his son, Patrick Range Jr, at their family Range Funeral Home, located at 5727 NW 17th Ave.
Peter Andrew Bosch / Miami Herald Staff
  Patrick Range, right, and his son, Patrick Range Jr, at their family Range Funeral Home, located at 5727 NW 17th Ave.
When David Grossman decided the family surgical practice needed a website, his father resisted. “He just thinks differently and couldn’t see the benefits.” But David pressed on. He showed his dad how the website could help patients access forms, learn about possible complications and share experiences. “Now, he sees that it’s an important component of our medical practice.”

Such generational differences are happening in workplaces across the country, but in father-son businesses, the stakes are high. Despite a turbulent few years, family businesses remain a substantial force in the national and global economies. But keeping the business in the family takes the ability to work through assumptions, expectations and differences. The fact is, only one-third of family-owned businesses survive to the second generation.

For fathers and sons, the dynamics are complex. “The level of emotion that exists in a father and son business can be profound,” says Drew Mendoza, managing principal of The Family Business Consulting Group in Chicago.

Today’s Gen X sons think differently than their boomer dads. They bring technology skills and innovation to most workplaces, along with a desire for work-life balance. While dads still bring experience and passion, many struggle to understand a mindset where productivity doesn’t necessarily mean facetime. Even more, the relationship between fathers and sons who work together today tends to differ from the past: many consider themselves partners rather than mentor-mentee.

As the country gets ready to celebrate Father’s Day, many fathers and sons still dream of working side by side. Those who do it successfully offer insight and inspiration.

Patrick Range Jr. has been working alongside his father for the past five years. He gave up a prestigious position as a lawyer at Greenberg Traurig after his grandmother passed away in 2006 — “too much for my dad to run the business alone. I felt a responsibility to take an active role.” The company, started by his grandfather, runs three funeral homes serving the black communities of Miami-Dade County.

Patrick Jr., 35, says he has a different perspective than his 72-year-old dad: “I understand the younger generation and what their needs are.” Just last week, he helped a young woman plan a memorial service for her father. “She was not interested in having a traditional service with the deceased present.”

Initially, Patrick says his dad pushed back when he brought a different perspective to the decades old funeral business. “It’s taken some adjustment on both of our parts but we’ve learned when to back off and when to push. I think it’s benefitted the business.”

Patrick says a huge challenge has been the struggle for work-life balance. This is an area where he has pushed hard to change his father’s mindset: “I’ve encourage him to realize you do not have to be at your desk to function in an efficient manner. I’ve even forced him to take off one day a week.”

Read more.

 


 

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/12/v-print/2846370/two-generations-learn-to-work.html#storylink=cpy

 

March 28, 2012

Men, Women, Money, Power

Richer Sex, Mundy jacket FINALOn Monday, I called Liza Mundy for a chat. I felt like I could have talked on the phone with her for days. She has just finished two years of interviewing men and women about work, family, money, power, marriage and decision making. Her findings are in a newly published book called The Richer Sex.  I LOVE THIS TOPIC!!!

I included some of my interview with Mundy, along with interviews with female business leaders, into my Miami Herald column today on The Richer Sex. Assuming present trends continue, Mundy believes that by the next generation more families will be supported by women than by men.

 

I asked Liza if she thought women were uncomfortable being called "breadwinners," traditionally used to describe men.

Women who outearn their husbands might feel uncomfortable with the term, she says. But those that earn all the income in their families would be comfortable being called a breadwinner.

I asked her what has changed in the last decade and why she feels the next generation of women will outearn men.

They are outearning men because they are going to college and are better educated, she says. "Guys think they will graduate from high school and get a decent paying industrial or labor job and they are wrong. Single childless women in their 20s have a higher median income than their male peers."

Are women entrepreneurs contributing to The Richer Sex trend?

Women  businesses are doing well. A lot who start their business, do it because they are not getting enough flexibility from their institutional workplace. Sometimes, their businesses do so well that they hire their husbands.

What are the conversations going on in America's households about downshifting and raising kids?

For working parents to reach the highest levels of Corporate America, either the workplace needs to change or someone needs to have flexibility or be the stay at home spouse. Workplaces can only do so much. I know fathers who want to spend more time with kids.

 I asked one of the women I spoke with whether she feels she missed out by being the sole provider. She doesn’t feel that way. Because her husband is such good runner of the household, when she gets home from work she can devote time to family. She is the one with the rich vacation benefits and the long workdays but her husband is supportive and she feels she is an attentive mother.

You mentioned more households are being supported by women. How will this affect women's salaries?

I would hope that ultimately it would put pressure on employers to understand that women are breadwinners and not look at their income as supplementary. As men become more aware of their wives' earning potential and are more willing to move for them, I hope it will help women's negotiating ability. Still, there is a danger of women supporting households on less than a man would make.

Do you think there's a dollar threshold that a spouse reaches which causes the other to quit their job?

Not really. It can depend on whether you live in D.C. or New York or Detroit. Every city is so different.

Is the notion of a stay at home parent outdated? It seems everyone has some type of side job today, even if it's blogging or selling things on the Internet.

It can work out well if a husband stays home or the wive could turn around and say this is not guy thought I was marrying. Stay-at-home dads numbers are rising, but some still feel stigmatized. I found wives would inflate the prestige of their husbands' hobbies. If they were blogging, the wive would refer to it as a  potential book project. I think women were brought up to brag about their husband’s job or salary. The former definition of success was to marry well. 

Is there a lot of arguing over who stays home with the kids?

I found there's more arguing over who had to be one with the steady paycheck and who got to be the entrepreneur. Men are seeing the benefits of a wive with a steady paycheck.

How is the fact that women are becoming more educated affecting marriages?

Women have never had this level of education greater than men. They are looking out at a pool of young men and they will have to ask, "Will I marry guy who didn’t’ go to college?" Some will say yes. I interviewed a carpenter who is putting his wife through law school. I also interviewed a women who wants to marry man who did go to college and is going to great efforts to meet one. She lives in  Miami travels to New York where she thinks there's a bigger pool of mates. Someone who wants to marry guy on her level will use resources to find them. Some will marry down and accept early on that they are the primary earner and find a guy who will invest in their career.

Why aren't men getting college educations?

Women were told they needed more education to earn as much as men so they acted accordingly. Girls are hearing have to go to college and support yourself. You may be a single mom. Boys aren’t hearing the same message. Boys think they have to be the provider, so they leave after high school to get any job.

 Click here to read the Time Magazine articleby Mundy on how women are overtaking men as breadwinners and why that's good for everyone.

Mundy author photo - credit Sam Kittner

Liza Mundy

 

 

 Here's another interesting take on Mundy's book: Daily Mail: Next generation of women to outearn men 

According to the TIME magazine cover story, 40% of working women out-earn their mate and within 25 years women will make more than men across the board.

Readers, how do you think this will affect marriage, family, workplaces and buying decisions?

December 12, 2011

Sleep deprivation, the new norm?

Sleep deprevation
On Friday, I was having a conversation with a female partner at a major law firm in Florida. She talked about the expectations from clients and her firm and I asked her whether she would encourage her daughter to enter the legal profession and seek partnership. She brought to my attention that regardless of what profession females enter today, if they want to reach the pinnacle of success, they will have to work hard, put in long hours, expect to get back on their computers after dinner, and most likely sacrifice sleep.

Yes, sleep is the activity that most women are giving up to get it all done. Men are cutting back on sleep, too, but women do it more often to achieve work life balance.

Some experts are comparing it to cigarette smoking : "Not getting enough sleep is as pervasive in today's culture as was consuming two or three packs per day of Lucky Strikes in the 1940s, 50s and 60s," says Dr. Jeff Dietz on a Huffpost Healthy Living blog.

These same experts say sleep deprivation leads to preventable mistakes.  The worst part of this trend is that we're turning into horrible role models for our kids. As I stay up later at night, I find my teenagers right alongside me. When I tell them to go to bed, they see me on my computer and think it's okay to be up at midnight, getting stuff done.

Dr. Dietz says we all need an attitude change with respect to sleep behavior. "Facing sleep deprivation head-on means that the adults in charge of our teenagers acknowledge and deal with their own sleeping habits, including maladaptive sleep behaviors like the widespread use and abuse of sleeping pills and alcohol at bedtime; like stimulant and caffeine dependence and abuse during the day; like snoring and obstructive sleep apnea and the toll snoring takes on sleep-partners and relationships; like arguing at bedtime, as well as a host of unattended mental and physical disorders -- depression, obesity and diabetes for instance -- that disrupt sleep patterns."

Dietz thinks the answer for teens is to move back the start time of high school, allowing them to sleep later in the mornings.

But what's the answer for adults? Is sleep deprivation just a requirement of getting to the top echelon of a big company or large law firm or succeeding as an entrepreneur? 

I just don't see how working mothers can make it into the executive offices of companies or become partners at law firms and spend time with their kids unless they dash home from work by dinner time and then respond to emails late at night -- and that means cutting back on sleep!

Readers, do you think working mothers can be super successful in their careers and get eight or more hours of sleep a night? What about working fathers? Is sleep deprivation the new requirement for achieving work life balance?