The Work/Life Balancing Act

More women are breadwinners. Now what?

There's been lots of hoopla over the last week about the increase of working mothers who bring home a fatter paycheck than their husband. It started when Pew Research Center released findings that mothers are now the sole or primary provider in 40% of households with children, up from just 11% in 1960.

That's a big shift in household dynamics!

What exactly does that mean? More women are out-earning their husbands but has that really changed anything at home or at work? I think it means that most of us are struggling even harder to find sanity in our lives, to balance our personal and professional commitments and stay sane.  That work life balance struggle can put a giant strain on our home lives -- if we let it.

Pew found the public is conflicted about whether this increase in female breadwinners is a good thing, applauding the economic benefits, but also voicing concerns about the impact on children and marriage. 

However, it has become more expected for married women to join the work force. The employment rate of married mothers with children has increased from 37% in 1968 to 65% in 2011. Yes, most mothers today work. 

The thing is as a nation, we're not so sure this is a good thing. About three-quarters of adults (74%) say the increasing number of women working for pay has made it harder for parents to raise children, and half say that it has made it harder for marriages to be successful. Couples in which the wife earns more report less satisfaction with their marriage and higher rates of divorce. 

At the same time, two-thirds say it has made it easier for families to earn enough money to live comfortably. 

Here's where the problem lies: If moms are making an increasing contributions to the family income, men must make increasing contributions to the family sanity -- that means pitching in at home with the kids. Most men get this. But not all men, and certainly not all bosses. The researchers found that when women earn more, they also tend to do more work around the house. How long can this continue?

What's the next step for our nation's families? Will the roles at home change? Will workplaces become more accommodating? Will we see the trend reverse? Let's hear your thoughts!

Should women learn golf?

I assumed that business professionals are so busy doing their jobs and maybe also raising families that they just don't have the time to play golf. I  assumed golf had lost its importance in business.

I was wrong!

I just read an article in the Harvard Business Review that  caught me off guard. I know it's been hard for women to break into the boardrooms of U.S. public companies. The statistics are disgusting: only 16.6 percent of Fortune 500 board seats were held by women in 2012. 

But, I never really thought about what it's like for the women who do land a seat. Apparently, for those women, an inability to play golf is a giant handicap.

The HBR article said the women directors report that they are told by the men: "If you don't want to be excluded from some of the things we do, you're going to need to learn how to golf and start golfing with us." Other women reported that the male colleagues made a lot of important decisions together on the golf course-- preempting the opportunity to discuss them at formal meetings.

I thought this comment in the article by a female director was insightful: "Golf was amazingly helpful to my career. I would be the only woman on a men's golf trip. It built great camaraderie and relationships -- and respect. It put me on the same playing field as everyone else."

So what's the reality here? Do women need to play golf to get ahead? Is it a skill that remains important for all up and comers?

Before kids, my husband and I would hit golf balls and I even took a golf clinic. The sport didn't come easy to me but if I spent a lot of time at it, I think I could become good enough to hold my own out there.

Still, mastering golf takes lessons and practice -- and lots and lots of time. Between weekends at kids soccer games and dance performances, who has time to master a hole in one? The way I see it, for a woman to get out there and play with men, they need to play well, extremely well. Good golfers get competitive on a golf course. They don't want any player on their team holding them back. They have slightly more patience if that awful golfer is a man. 

Personally, I don't have the desire to devote tons of my free time to golf. But I think I can survive in my profession, even excel in it, without playing golf.  The question is, can you?  My guess is that golf we be less as critical to business success in the next decade when today's moms and dads are in higher level positions. What are your thoughts? Would playing golf well give you an advantage in your career?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cultivating Leadership: Where do women fit in?

Last week, I had the pleasure of participating on a panel discussion sponsored by Commercial Real Estate Women (CREW) Miami. We dove into some rather controversial topics, mostly dissecting how more women can make it into leadership roles.

I'm sharing a blog post that appeared on the CREW-Miami website to give you a glimpse into how the discussion played out:

 

Cultivating Leadership in Business

 

By Margaret Nee, President of CREW-Miami

Talent is the most valuable asset of any business, especially in real estate, where human capital is the key ingredient to closing deals and growing business.

At our monthly CREW-Miami luncheon held on May 15, “Cultivating Leadership & Talent in Business,” an expert panel discussed the best ways to cultivate leadership, reward team members and promote diversity in a company.

Panelist Mary Jo Eaton, Executive Managing Director of CBRE, discussed how in the case of larger companies, such as CBRE, it’s important to have networking groups, as well as professional leadership and development programs in place, in which team members can participate to hone their skills and develop their talent.

One common mistake that companies, from small to large, often make is promoting individuals who become top producers to leadership positions without offering the proper training. Appointing the individuals to those roles without adequate guidance is unfair to them, pointed out Panelist Alexa Hartley, President of Premier Leadership Coaching.

The key to their success is allowing them to discover what their leadership style is, she notes, and giving them time to practice before taking on this new role.

And when it comes to the role of women in commercial real estate, an industry historically dominated by men, Moderator Jim Dockerty, Managing Director of HFF (Holliday Fenoglio Fowler, L.P.), expressed that women can be strong influencers and should implement that natural skill in their careers. He said men who have wives or daughters that work often are good allies for women in the workplace.

Panelist Cindy Krischer Goodman, Work/Life Columnist for The Miami Herald, added to the discussion an important point about how women have to figure out how to increase the demand for their skills.

She suggested that getting a sponsor that advocates for you in the business can help advance your career and maximize your potential.

Our panelists agreed that losing the fear to ask and engaging in a little self-promotion can lead to meaningful rewards.

 

Pearls of Wisdom from Successful Women

As I strive for work life balance, I've come to accept I can't be everywhere I want to be. Last week, I had to miss an event I was looking forward to attending for a family funeral. But fortunately, I have a wonderful community of people who I can rely on to fill me  and you in on what we miss. My guest blogger today, Dina Allende, attended The Commonwealth Institute's Top-50 Women-Led Businesses awards luncheon and shares the helpful insights she took away from the event.

Dina Allende is founder of Clique PR & Marketing in Miami and has more than 20 years experience providing public relations services to clients including those in the travel, hospitality, food & beverage and entertainment industries. 

Here are pearls of wisdom Dina gleamed from the presenters that should be useful to you:

As a Hispanic female entrepreneur, I work hard to make a difference, and often I find myself emulating some of the women I've come to meet through The Commonwealth Institute South Florida (TCI), comprised of women entrepreneurs and high level corporate executives.

When Donna Abood, chairman of Colliers South Florida - a real estate business - came to the podium, I didn’t think I’d have much in common with her.  Come to find out that she’s a woman who has come full circle in her industry after hitting rock bottom with the recession between 2008 and 2012.  Abood found herself having to restructure her business.  That turned out to be the biggest blessing of all, because she realized that she really loved what she was doing. She was inspired by the love and ethics of one man -- her father.  He only had a high school education, but rose above it all to make something of himself.  That vision of her father reminded her “why” she was doing what she was doing. 

Like Abood, I also found myself restructuring my career during the recession, and I often focused on my parent’s achievements, particularly my father who was an American Diplomat with the U.S. Foreign Service.  As a result, I developed a passion for my career in public relations, and today, I consider my boutique agency to be one of the good ones.  During difficult times, Abood says, “remember where you came from and hold onto that, and do what makes you happy or adjust.”

By the time, Pam Swensen came around, I was feverishly taking notes.  When else would I get such great advice by so many powerful women under the same roof?  As the CEO of the Executive Women’s Golf Association, Pam has managed to take her non-profit organization to the list of Top-10 Non-Profits in Florida.  During her speech, Swensen put up a little, white golf ball and said it was a crystal ball.  She said it was a connector and opened doors.  “Knowing the game would set you apart from your competitor,” she said, “After all, golf has been widely accepted as a venue for conducting business and men have been doing it for years.”  She’s right, and that got me thinking -- why not have that added skill set as part of my business repertoire. As Swensen put it – You are the CEO of your career! 

The most touching moment for me was when Jodi Cross, TCI Florida’s executive director, addressed the crowd one final time with her parting words of wisdom.  After nine years of service with TCI, Cross plans to pursue other avenues. There are three key messages that Jodi Cross gave that I will walk away with.  They may sound like a given, but more often than not, we tend to forget.  During challenging times, she said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Keep it real. Be fearless!” 

Is Balance BS? Three Loud Women say yes

If you don't know the Three Loud Women, you should. They are thought provoking, candid and hysterical. These three South Florida ladies take on a variety of subjects in their You Tube videos. This particular segment caught my attention because it tackles my favorite topic -- work life balance. Teana McDonald, Allyson Tomchin and Stephanie Goldberg Glaser brought in a guest to debate the topic of balance. Her name is Luly B, consultant to momtrepreneurs. She's a character, too.

I enjoyed the video and I hope you do as well. And, by the way, do you think balance is BS?

 

 

 

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus: How does this affect us at work?

Last week, I had the pleasure of speaking with John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. 

His new book is called WORK WITH ME:  The Blind Spots between Men and Women in Business, and it applies his expertise to male/female relationships and interactions in the workplace.  His co-author is Barbara Annis, Chair of the Women’s Leadership Board at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and a world-renowned expert on workplace gender issues.  So as you can see, they’re the perfect pair to take on this topic!

I was excited to talk to John about his new book that will be released in May. 

John and Barbara have been studying the way men and women behave in the workplace and they discovered that there are big differences that cause us to miscommunicate and send the wrong signals to each other.  A little gender intelligence can help you in your career.

One thing they discuss in particular is how men and women deal with workplace stress differently.  And of course, how this bleeds over in to our personal lives.  John explained to me there are biological reasons why women respond to stress by releasing their feelings and bonding with loved ones, while men either have tunnel vision until they solve their problem, or just ignore it if it’s beyond their control.

Here are a few findings in his book that John shared with me: 

* Solving problems and achieving goals in the workplace takes a greater toll on women. Women lack testerone that naturally lowers cortisol levels. When women are stressed, they tend to take on more responsiblities. What they need to do instead, is find ways to de-stress. John suggests women up their romance quotient by planning an evening out. If they don’t’ have partner, he recommends creating an opportunity to feel they are being treated in special way, such as getting a massage.

John explained to me that gender blind spots are ways of unknowingly putting off the opposite sex in the workplace. Here is how to be more attuned to them: 

* Questions. Men think women ask too many questions. Men are annoyed by this. Women don't realize men think this way. Sometimes a woman may be making a point with her questions and have no idea she is agitated a male co-worker.

* Appreciation. Women don't feel appreciated in the workplace. Men think they are making a woman feel appreciated, but the women doesn't feel that way. Men need to more effectively communicate a female worker is valued and appreciated. Men need to understand little gestures of consideration make a huge difference to women.

* Exclusion. Women often feel excluded in the workplace when they aren't invited to attend a lunch or join in a conversation. Men don't feel excluded. They don't need an invitation. The concept of being left out does not exist from a man’s perspective. In a conversation, instead of a woman asking, "Can I say something?" just join in.

* Attention. If a man is focused on a computer screen or a project and can't shift attention, women feel offended if he ignores them. Don't. Men don't. Just ask again. A woman might even ask, "Can I have one minute of your time?" Any man will give one minute. . 

* Emotion. John and Barbara asked men whether women are too emotional in the workplace. About 90 percent said yes. They asked women if they thought women were too emotional and 80 percent said no. They found when they pointed this difference out, people said it made sense but there are lots of people in academia trying to disprove the obvious truth. Men try to avoid an emotional response but must realize that validating a woman’s perspective is more important than simply agreeing with her or avoiding her

* Internalizing. Many times men will say something and women take it personally. They may feel a man is picking on them. Men don't take anything personally. For example, 80 percent of the people who go online for porn are men. Men are turned on by the impersonal. Women want personal. A man's fear of offending female colleagues can jeopardize fruitful working relationships.

John is convinced that with a little gender insight, men and women can find ways to get what they need from each other in the workplace. 

John's website is Marsvenus.com. He says he is available online on weekday mornings from 9 to 10:30 a.m. to answer questions on gender differences. Visit the community board on his website to submit questions. 

 

 

Do successful businesswomen struggle with romance?

Is it more difficult for high achieving women to find success in love? I set out to find that out.

In a conversation with Osmara Vindel, a Miami business professional, she told me that she is divorced and has been dating for three years. She says she came to discover her struggles in relationships were about her, not he men in ther life. She says marriage and her dating life were challenging until she led her guard down, made romance a priority, and allowed herself to get out of business mode and feel comfortable with a man. Now, one month into a new relationship, she says all is going well. With Valentine's Day approaching, maybe its time for all of us to think about our work life balance and whether we give romance the priority it deserves.

Here's my column from today's Miami Herald. I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Whether they’re dating or married, high-earning women need to leave work mode at the office.

Maya Ezratti, left, is a relationship coach and is coaching Suzette Diaz, right, a client.

MARICE COHN BAND / MIAMI HERALD STAFF

By CINDY KRISCHER GOODMAN

While on a blind date, Alexandra Arguelles found herself behaving as if she were interviewing a candidate for a job.

“I caught myself asking him question after question and trying to control everything.” Afterward, she says she felt as if she had been at a business dinner.

“It’s not easy for me to be laid back,” says Arguelles, a 42-year-old sales executive at a travel IT company in Miami. “But on my next date, I’m going to try.”

Women have made huge strides in business. We have climbed to the top of companies, built million-dollar businesses and forged into traditional male professions. We’ve positioned ourselves as some of the most powerful voices in politics and on the Internet. Yet, when it comes to romantic relationships, we still struggle to make it happen in love.

IT’S US

Ask the growing army of high-earning women and they will say men are intimidated by their professional and financial success, making it difficult to date and marry. But relationship experts say we have it wrong. It’s not them; it’s us.

“Today’s women just don’t seem to understand you have to leave the office at the office,” says Maya Ezratti, a relationship coach and owner of Rewarding Relationships. “You can’t treat your husband, boyfriend or date like an employee.”

Fewer Americans are married today than at any point in at last 50 years, according to a 2011 Pew Research study. The causes and consequences are the subject of much debate. But what is clear is that as more women have gained economic control over their lives, they need to switch modes when it comes to relationship dynamics.

John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, says keeping romance alive in the age of female empowerment takes getting in touch with your feminine attributes: “In the workplace, to be successful, women have to be independent, self reliant, focused on solving problems and managing people. Outside the office, those attributes are romance killers.”

In dating, Gray says a woman comes across as more attractive when she puts out a vibe she is happy and that a man can make her even happier. “Men want a job. They need to be needed,” he says. But a successful women’s natural instinct may be that she can do it all herself. “Be in touch with the part of yourself that is looking to have someone in your life that would lighten your load, and be open to receiving what he has to offer.”

In Miami, Ezratti coaches businesswomen to change their approach: “A lot of women are pursing romance like business.”

First, she advises they lose their pant suit and show up in more trendy, flirty attire. Next, she suggests they let go of being competitive. “Some women have no problem ripping men to shreds to prove their intelligence. No guy wants to go out on a date and feel like a schmuck. You don’t’ have to prove anything; the quiet one wins.”

David Berry, a 28-year-old Miami writer and author of a dating blog, affirms that most of his single male friends are scared to approach women who are rich, successful, brilliant and beautiful. They assume the women won’t be interested. “We have fears approaching women anyway. Now add in that they out earn us or drive a nicer car, and we start to doubt our ability to impress them.”

Berry says a few gestures by women can make a world of difference: Smile. Show passion for what you do. Indicate a willingness to break off chunks of time for a man. Most important, he says, men want a woman to show her soft side. “I think a lot of women fight for equality in their professional lives and assume that it’s a negative to allow yourself to be vulnerable when it comes to an emotional relationship. It’s not.”

Successful women say the challenge comes in finding a man they consider a truly equal partner, someone who contributes financially and emotionally. “In this recession, I’ve seen many men who see me just as a meal ticket,” a female senior level executive explains. “I hide my career and income from men on my dating profiles. It just makes me a target.”

Arguelles, the IT sales executive, admits she feels the same way and has become pickier. “I need someone on equal footing, someone with a steady income who is ambitious and strives for goals. Because I’m self sufficient, I don’t feel the need to settle.” This could be an increasing challenge because men disproportionately have suffered an income drop during the recession.

But it is not just dating that represents a challenge for high-achieving women. Married women say they struggle with romance too.

“I have clients who are powerful and successful women. Everything they touch turns to gold except their relationship,” says Gladys Diaz, owner of Heart’s Desire International. “Their businesses are booming and their marriages are falling apart.”

Read more..

Relationship coach Gladys Diaz providing tips to business women!

A lesson from the Shark Tank: How to ask for what you want

Photo by Carl Juste/Miami Herald

 

Last Friday night, I had my whole family glued to the TV. We watched Miami mom entrepreneur Susie Taylor make her debut on ABC's Shark Tank. The night didn't exactly go as expected.....

I have seen Susie, CEO of Bibbitec, pitch her fast-drying bibs at women's conferences in Miami and have been impressed. But watching Susie talk about business in front of the sharks, I saw her make a critical mistake.

It's a mistake I see repeated often and it's key in negotiating a business deal or an accommodation to improve your work life balance.

Susie asked the sharks, self made billionaires, to invest $40,000 for a 14 percent stake in the company. She became quite emotional when she explained to the sharks that she is a mom who considers her children a priority. She told them she has poured her life savings into this idea and needs their help to market the product on a grand scale because she doesn't have the time while balancing work and family. 

Her mistake: It's not about you. It's about them.

The sharks don't care about her work life dilemma. They care about themselves, what she can do for them and whether her product can make them money. They complained about the cost and sale price but I think Susie could have turned it around. She could have explained how being a mom keeps her connected to the consumer who would buy this product. She could have played up how being a mom helps her in her bib business and therefore will help them. 

One shark was particularly brutal. He said he liked the product but felt Susie was the wrong person to run her business and even suggested a college kid with internet marketing skills. 

Your boss is a shark, too. 

Whatever you ask for....flex time, reduced hours, the ability to work from home one day a week...your boss ONLY cares about how the arrangement you want will affect him or her. You want to ask for what you need in a way that they can understand what they have to gain by accommodating you or lose by not giving in to your request. 

Have you ever relied on someone in a business scenario and they rattle off all the personal reasons they haven't done what you need them to do? You might come off as if you care, but you don't. Your mind has shifted to how what they haven't done affects you. 

After her TV appearance, Susie has said she will pursue on with her company. It won't be easy and the balancing act will become increasingly difficult as she tries to market and distribute her bibs and give her kids top billing. But it can be done and I think Susie's experience holds a lesson that the rest of us can learn from -- the sharks are out there, make it about them...give them the bait they want to get them to bite. 

 

PR exec shares her secret for finding work life balance

Earlier this month, I received this email from PR executive Tadd Schwartz of Miami's Schwartz Media:

 

Cindy,

A lot of folks might be surprised to learn that the job of a PR exec is
considered one of the top five most stressful positions in the workforce
The job of a pr counselor never ends. The pressure to exceed expectations and be involved in every aspect of your client's business is enormous. The more you care , the more personal you take it when problems arise . You have to be totally engaged with your client and the media and the industry all the time - there is no half way in this biz . You have to be organized, multitask , sell, communicate and be sharp every day.  And with all that comes pressure to perform. 

Ok - I just stressed myself out - going for a run. Hope you're well 

Tadd

 

Along with the email, Tadd sent me the link to the list of the Most Stressful Jobs for 2013. I know Tadd is a runner and I'm pretty sure that helps him with stress and work life balance. 

Today another talented PR exec shares her secret for work life balance. My guest blogger is Duree Ross, president of South Florida-based Durée & Company,  an award-winning PR entrepreneur with a broad spectrum of experience spanning the corporate, agency and non-profit arenas. Durée lives in Ft. Lauderdale with her family and is an avid community advocate. She makes the stressful job of running a PR firm look managable.

  

“Giving” to Achieve Balance Between My Professional and Personal Life

As president of my own public relations, marketing and special events firm for 13 years, I’ve always made it a priority to give back. Every day, I “give my professional all” to the number of for-profit clients and non-profit organizations that I proudly represent.

Notice that “give” is an important word in my vocabulary. In order to “give” in my professional life, it’s imperative that I “give” to myself and my family, every day. There is no doubt that I put an immense amount of effort and time into my work – because I love what I do. But, like many women, I am four people in one: a full-time wife, a full-time mom, and a full-time professional, and last but not least, a full-time individual who needs to take care of herself.

Each one of those “fourths” has to get equal attention in order for the whole to run smoothly.   

My husband Dwayne and I, both busy professionals, just celebrated our 12^th anniversary. With our crazy
schedules, we HAVE TO make it a priority to create time for each other, and we make the most of that time.  Even during my most stressful days, a comforting smile, loving hug, and basically an “I’m
here for you” from my husband make it all better.

My 10-year-old son and 6-year old daughter are a lot like me: they’re always on the go. Whenever possible, I make it a point to be there for them, whether it’s being their chauffeur, their cheering section, or their tutor. Of course, sometimes I have client meetings, events, etc. that I can’t miss. But, the time that I get to spend with them whenever it’s humanly possible is golden. And, with a job that things change in an instant, its nice to know that I can answer calls, check emails, and do more
while I am with my children and not missing out on parts of their lives.

As many females do, I tend to put my needs last. I’m trying to get better at this. Having worked on the Go Red for Women campaign for the American Heart Association, I have a great understanding of the importance of good health. Any time I can, I work in an exercise class. I try to get adequate sleep. I try to eat healthy. Notice the word “try,” but I’m working on it.

Don’t let me fool you; life for the working mom in 2013 isn’t easy. Balance is very difficult to achieve, but it is possible and with hard work, it is possible.

 

 

Encourage more women on boards on 12-12-12

If we want products and services that reflect how we think and what we need, women should be concerned with companies that exclude us from their corporate boards. 

But this week, on 12/12/12 at 12 p.m. all of us can make a difference. Across the country, 2020 Women on Boards is hosting luncheons to rally support for their efforts to get more women on boards by 2020. In Florida, Women Executive Leadership is hosting the lunch event. Romaine Seguin, President of UPS Americas will speak about her experience as a Director and why it is so important for women to have representation in America's boardrooms.

I will be at the WEL event in Miami moderating the discussion and taking questions and suggestions from the audience for how to move the needle to see more women in leadership.

Lunch events will be going on in 27 cities and women and men have signed up to be part of this pretty cool event.  Sign up to be a part of the 12-12-12 event in your city.

Today, ION issued its 2012 Report on women's progress on corporate boards. The report, Follow the Leaders: It can Happen Here profiles 11 corporations that have experienced financial success and made boardroom gender diversity a high-priority business initiative.  Tomorrow, Catalyst issues its report: the Catalyst 2012 Census of Fortune 500: No Change for Women in Top Leadership seven years and counting. 

Both reports show a lack of progress in moving the women into top leadership along with suggestions for change. Fortunately, we're seeing some attention on this very important issue!