Dave Barry must be stopped!

Exposing the practically unfathomable evil of Dave Barry and his plot to take over the world, one booger at a time, is not, strictly speaking, within the purview of a television blog -- that's what my editors say. To which I reply: 1. Dave Barry's plan for world conquest and subjugation is so heinous and depraved that even the crucial task of writing about The O.C. and Veronica Mars must be put side momentarily in order to stop it, and anyway, 2. Dave's World.

So it is that I invite you join me saluting the heroic Anti-Dave Freedom Fighters of Marquette University, who struck a major blow for our cause recently when they demanded that a grad student in the philosophy department remove a "patently offensive" Barry quote that was posted on his office door. Ordinarily this is a family-friendly blog (provided you are a member of the Manson Family) but for you to understand the magnitude of Dave's offensiveness, I'm going to have to reprint his repugnant words here. Women, children and Parents Television Council members, avert your eyes NOW.

As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

Whew. Okay, it's safe to look again. Gad, can you imagine if some innocent Marquette philosophy student had been inadvertently exposed to that tirade? Fortunately, they are under the brave and benevolent protection of Thought Police Chief James South, the chairman of the school's philosophy department, who quickly warned the grad student who put up the offending quote that Marquette is not some anarchic hellhole where people can just go around saying what they think. "While I am a strong supporter of academic freedom, I’m afraid that hallways and office doors are not 'free-speech zones,' " South explained. "If material is patently offensive and has no obvious academic import or university sanction, I have little choice but to take note." Subversive groups like the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education are trying to undermine South, but I'm confident Marquette doorways will soon once again be safe for readers of Herbert Marcuse, Noam Chomsky and Family Circus.

By the way, I myself am an early Anti-Dave Freedom Fighter. I may be the first investigative journalist to have exposed his troubling obsession with sex with dogs.

Comments

[CJrunsamok]

Egads! Free speech, in a philosophy department! This must be crushed!

More importantly, when will this patently offensive thing called baseball cease pre-empting House?

[Chaz]

I am sorry, I get passionate against people who shove coal up their butts an wait for diamonds....so get a life

[judi]

cj: BLASPHEMER!

[Punkin Poo of the legendarily gigantic bazoombas]

Dear Madman-writing-in-the-darkness-of-Dave's-ginourmous-shadow, (That is NOT a comment on Dave's excessive cheese-it habit.)
If I wert thou, I should be veeeerrrrrry careful about criticizing our beloved leader in any way. For we are an army of bloglits who have absolutely NOTHING better to do than seek out wrong-doers who are, um, doing wrong to the name of the great and powerful Blog-King Barry.
Heed this warning and no longer irk us. You wouldn't like us when we're irked.

[CJrunsforoffice]

Dame judith: 'Free speech...must be crushed....' Or 'patently offensive...baseball...'?

[Beppie]

Are they serving cookies? Someone said they were serving cookies over here.

[Olo Baggins of Bywater]

It'll only take the Tigers five games.

[blurk]

I'm not sure zackly what you're sayin'; there are a lot of big words and stuff. But if you're lookin' to pick a fight with Dave Barry there are a couple of things you should know.
1) He has a VERY large and loyal following of fans and bloglits.
2) Some of us have automatic weapons.

Be nice to Dave.

Oh, I almost forgot; Have a nice day!

[judi]

cj: the latter.

signed --
mr. snail's love slave

[Edgar Greenberg]

A very nice interview, but way way way waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long! YOu're lucky I'm not Dave, I would have fallen asleep before you finished asking all those stupid questions. As for the current column, a little bit amusing but it lacks body.

[OverlookstheRyman]

As a fan of Dave's for many more years than many of his bloglits have existed on this earth, please understand the Dave Group is diverse, hilarious and and fiercely loyal. We need more funny libertarians in this world who have a platform to express their views.

[Punkin the ornery Poo]

Oh - and please send Dave a Thank You note, along with a 2lb Whitman's Sampler to give to the bloglits thank him for getting you some decent comments on this blog, for a change.

(Told you you shouldn't have irked us.)

[CJwritesnotetoself'don't pis5offPP']

Dang, Punkin'!

[Blondentropy]

Me thinks thou doth protest to much!
(Have our own little dog gettin' down stash, do we?)

Booger.

[Prairie Dog]

Dang, bloglits get everywhere.

I gotta say, even though I was already a fan, I have even more respect for Dave than I had before. I have been caught up with all the partisan crap, and forgot my libertarian beliefs.

[CriticofangelinaJolieasdagnytaggert]

So, House will begin again next week or more patently offensive baseball will be broadcast?

[Wyo Cowboy]

When Dave rules, toilets will all work like they should, and from there one can philosfize phelo Philosoff think clearly.

Dave for President!, down with big government and lousy toilets!

[O the U(manity)]

Veeerrrrrrrry thot-provokin' ... merely sayin' ...

[CJcanter]

Yeah, well it sucks swampwater that the ole html don't work, huh, WC. Hmmmmm. WC... ain't that reminds me of a phrase I heard, somewheres....

[Maureen]

*snork* My mom told me about this this morning...

If the people that corrected the AP exam with the same vigilance, I'd be screwed, because I quoted *heavily* from 'Dave Barry Slept Here'. And I passed.

[mudstuffin]

rational, caring
frustrated, curmudgeonly
libertarian

[Siouxie]

All I can say for now is..BOOGER!!!

I'm getting my kickass boots ready though..I may be back!

[Siouxie]

oh and you need a shave...just sayin'

[Trillian]

ya'll know about sarcasm, right?

[Mare Imbrium]

Irked? Irked? Wasn't that the geeky kid on TV who wore bow ties and had his pants belted way up under his armpits?

Mare

Petty Sgt. Fourth and a Half Class, Irregular Army of Dave

[CJcenter]

Trillian, yeah, most got it. As for reflexes....

[CJcenter]

Also, as for the spam bot and lack of html, when will House be back on?

[Wyo Cowboy]

I've always sworn there should be a punctuation mark for sarcasm. I use $.

as in... "delighted to meet you, Mr. IRS agent$"

[Jeannie]

All I can say, is BOOGER!

[PhilinTexas]

In defense of the funniest man east or west of the Mississippi River, I have only one thing to say: booger. That is all.

[AlanBoss]

Patently Offensive Baseball WBAGNFARB.

[Siouxie]

OHHHH...you mean this was (pretend this is in italics) supposed (end italics) to be sarcastic???

can I still kick some @ss?

[Major General Punkin (torpedoes at the ready) Poo]

We have forgotten to address THE most important question - in the picture of Dave above - are his legs shaved????
(NTTAWWT)

[Guin]

Dave's Army has also been known to overthrow websites (ref: The Dog Ate Mother's Toes/Poetry.com) - the Marquette Philosophy department may want to run for cover...

[Sgt. Siouxie (kicking ass boots on alert)]

MGPunkin, I don't believe Dave shaved, but I did notice a very nice french pedi...

and yes, nothing wrong with THAT!

[Eleanor, Locked and Loaded and joining Punkin]

We're mad at Marquette, right?

Not at Garvin, who, IMO did a heckuva job Brownie putting Marquette in its place, so to speak, and exposing their hypocrisy.

[eleanor, Locked and Loaded and joining Punkin]

"Brownie" was supposed to have a strike through. What's up with that? :(

[blurk]

This post is written just so those who need to know DO know that the Dave fans are still watchin'.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Marquette's Philosophy Dept has two positions open (har!) here - http://www.marquette.edu/phil/
The first one misspells "professor." If anyone is interested in applying, you can contact the chair - [email protected]
Please make sure you reference your extensive experience with spellcheck and the "Dave Barry for President" campaign.

[Layzeeboy]

We Dave bloglits don't know nuthin' about sarcasm. Just read the blog. You sure won't find any there$

[Punkin "got my posse" Poo]

We all love Glenn, ahh...(what's his name? Gar, Garden? Oh Garvin) Yeah, we love that guy. It's the Marquette guy we hate, right? Good, cuz I'm in an "attitude adjustin'" kinda mood....

*believes that after this, NO ONE WILL EVER DARE DIS DAVE BARRY AGAIN!!!!!!*

*also believes that Dave Barry may just, out of a tiny bit of fear, stay a little further away from his blog army*

[Wyo Cowboy]

More proof that education ain't all it's cracked up to be. Thank God I never sent my kids to Marquette. They'd have gotten a better (brain washin') "education" readin' Dave's columns and books. At least he (Dave) can spell.

If this blog trusted us with html, there'd be a strikethrough 'cross "brain washin'".

[Annie Where-but-here]

Perhaps ProfeSor South did this intentionally to bravely bring up the issue of free speech in a fresh and pertinent manner. Yeah, that's it. Suuuuuure....

[Annie Where-but-here]

Perhaps ProfeSor South did this intentionally to bravely bring up the issue of free speech in a fresh and pertinent manner. Yeah, that's it. Suuuuuure....

[CJcenter]

*observes that the bloglit army has stretched in its harness and then reposed, except for Annie. Which was why there was a certain song from 'The Sound of Music' that went

"What in the world
You gonna do about the Annie?
What in the world, I ask are we to do?
She tramples every thread,
She steals every snork,
She hides as if she just climbed out of bed"

Chorus

Thanks for hosting us, Glenn and I promise no more 'House' questions. Angelina Jolie as Dagny Taggart however.... [quit hitting me,.... What? I said no more 'House'!]*