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ESPN, the network of drooling imbeciles

In the vast, swirling universe of television, change is frequent and sudden; shows and stars rise and fall, fickle viewers come and go, entire networks are created and destroyed in little more than the twitch of a corporate muscle. But through it all, there is one eternal verity, one firmament upon which all our beliefs can stand: ESPN is the worst channel on television. No other network employs more blowhards and bumblers and blathers; no other network places a greater premium on pure hot air, unimpeded by even a shred of intelligence. Disney could populate the place with animated dwarves from the outtakes of Snow White with no dropoff of intellect or talent.

You think I'm exaggerating? Watch this preview of the Dec. 28, in which ESPN's astute college football analyst Desmond Howard examines the matchups between California and Texas. Only problem: Texas isn't playing. Cal's opponent is Texas A&M. I wonder if anybody has told the ESPN crew in charge of televising the game.


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