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From the mouths of mohawk-head babes...

Sanjaya The much-maligned Sanjaya, whose exit from American Idol last week nearly broke my heart -- I'm serious; Simon Cowell had promised to quit the show if Sanjaya won -- delivered the Top Ten Ten Things I Learned on American Idol on Dave Letterman's show Monday night. My favorite was No. 6: On-camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he's a total jerk.

UPDATE: Okay, okay, here's the whole list:

10. The camera adds ten pounds to your mohawk.

9.   Work hard and make sacrifices, you can finish in 7th place.

8.    It’s very important to “Keep it real, dawg.”

7.    I should have gone for the immunity idol -- oh wait, that’s Survivor.

6.    On-camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he’s a total jerk.

5.    Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel.

4.     When you forget the words, just do this. [He wails ohhhhhhhhh.]

3.     Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

2.     Nothing.

1.     America loves performers with bad hair -- right, Dave?


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