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Screens: TV the Week of May 20

The Simpsons (8 p.m. tonight, Fox) -- Don't have a cow, man, but tonight's hour-long season finale of The Simpsons is its 400th episode. To put it another -- very frightening -- way, after 18 years on the air, The Simpsons is old enough to vote. Not that Bart and Lisa appear any older or wiser. The jam they work themselves into tonight requires a guest appearance from Jack and Chloe of 24. Sure hope they do a better job with Springfield than they did with Los Angeles, which these days on 24 is not much more than a smoking radioactive ruin.

On The Lot (9 p.m. Tuesday, Fox) -- In this new reality/contest series, 50 young filmmakers compete for a $1 million development deal with Steven Spielberg's DreamWorks studio. The loser has to write a doctoral thesis on The Goonies.

Pandemic (8 p.m. Saturday, Hallmark Channel) -- A virus is unleashed in Los Angeles, causing women to have sex on the Internet, tape themselves spouting racist drivel, and show up late to court hearings. No, I'm getting Pandemic mixed up with the Paris Hilton trial. OK, the virus causes millions of people to keel over dead, prompting celebrations that you can drive from Long Beach to Pasadena in less than an hour on the suddenly unclogged freeways. Tiffani Thiessen plays a government doctor who unaccountably wants to stop the virus. Faye Dunaway and Eric Roberts are also on hand in case you needed more reasons to root for the virus.

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