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Screen Gems: TV the week of January 18

The L Word (9 p.m. Sunday, Showtime) -- The show's final season kicks off with the murder of one of Lwordscreens the ladies. I don't want to give away which one, but I'll give you a couple of clues: 1) She's so annoying that you yourself have probably thought about killing her at least a dozen times over the past five years, and 2) Her initials are J-E-N-N-Y. The rest of the season is a search for the killer, though whether to put her (oops, another clue) in jail or give her a medal is unclear.

Big Love (9 p.m. Sunday, HBO) -- America's polygamist sweethearts are back for a third season, with that nice Bill thinking of adding a fourth wife. Wives one through three are underwhelmed by the idea. Merriment and mayhem ensue.

United States of Tara (10 p.m. Sunday, Showtime) -- Toni Collette stars as a suburban wife and mom suffering from a split-personality disorder: There are actually four of her. Believe it or not, it's a comedy; believe it or not, it's actually very funny, though it can also be quite painful to watch. Check back later Sunday for a full review.

Tour Down Under (4 p.m. Tuesday, Versus) -- Live coverage of the Australian bicycle race in which Lance Armstrong comes out of retirement. For people who find the Golf Channel too exciting to be borne.

Lie to Me (9 p.m. Wednesday, Fox) -- Tim Roth (The Incredible Hulk) stars as a crime-fighting psychologist who can tell when criminals are lying by the way they purse their lips or raise their eyebrows. me of the old joke about Lyndon Johnson/Richard Nixon/Bill Clinton/name your favorite pol: How do you know when he's lying? When he scratches his ear, he's telling the truth. When he rubs his chin, he's telling the truth. When he brushes his hair back, he's telling the truth. When he opens
his mouth, he's lying.

Burn Notice (10 p.m. Thursday, USA) -- This is the nice show about Miami, remember? Where instead of every other person being a sadistic serial killer like in Dexter, every other person is a homicidal spy. Whew, much better for our image. Anyway, the good news as the show returns from a four-month hiatus is that our hero Michael Weston (played by Jeffrey Donovan) survived that unfortunate bombing attempt that blew his apartment to smithereens at the end of the last episode. The bad news is that he has a new handler named Carla, and she's played by Tricia Helfer, who's also the deranged killer robot in Battlestar Galactica. What if she forgets which show she's in and tears out his throat with her
teeth? Man, maybe we should sic Dexter on her.


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