My friend called me this morning to vent. She just learned her mother has an illness that needs ongoing treatment. She's worried she can't balance her demanding job, her kids and now her sick mom.
I've been there and it isn't easy.
My friend is considering asking for a leave from her job as an inhouse recruiter at a big company. It's a job that requires face time and has little flexibility. "What do you think I should do?" she asked me.
"That's a difficult and very personal decision," I replied.
I told her that experts say proceed with caution when pursuing this work life balance path. A few months off can turn into much longer and have serious impact on your finances.
Met Life found that for someone over 50 who leaves work temporarily to care for a loved one, the average lifetime setback is $303,880, including lost wages and retirement benefits.The total estimated aggregate lost wages, pension, and Social Security benefits of these caregivers of parents is nearly $3 trillion.That's a huge number!
Should you need to lean out for a while, it's possible to keep damage to a minimum with these smart moves published in Money Magazine:
1. Plan ahead when possible and re-do your budget by setting aside funds for essential expenses first.
2. Check federal and state leave laws regarding paid and unpaid leave.
3. If you need to quit—but wish to return—make the case ahead of time for a comeback.
Chances are that almost all of us will face what my friend is experiencing. The number of people who provide personal care and/or financial assistance to a parent has tripled over the past 15 years. MetLife's study found daughters are more likely to provide basic care and sons are more likely to provide financial assistance. (No surprise there!) Both scenarios, though, come with their own costs.
If you've confronted this scenario, what would you advise my friend? What are steps you've taken to minimize the financial and emotional toll of caregiving?