Should career decisions be based on work life balance?

 

 

Recently, I was talking with a millenial who was in the middle of a job search. She thought it would be fun to work at a BMW dealership and learn all the features of the luxury cars. She imagined herself test driving the new models and playing with the gadgets inside. But when the manager of the dealership told her she would have to work many nights and weekends, she changed her mind about the job. "There is no way I'm giving up my weekends," she told me. 

My young nephew, who has been in the workforce about six months, recently told me he is not happy in his job. "I didn't expect to have to work Saturdays," he said. "I don't think I'm going to be in this job for long.

Research repeatedly has shown that millennials want work life balance. It's a huge factor in their job satisfaction. According to the 2016 Millennial Survey by Deloitte, 16.8 percent of Millennials evaluate career opportunities by good work-life balance, followed by 13.4 percent who look for opportunities to progress and 11 percent who seek flexibility (i.e., remote working and flexible hours). Millennials want the flexibility to prioritize whatever (work or life) is most important that day.

While that makes some Gen Xers and Boomers frustrated, it's a sign of the times and it's not going to change.

Still, when you think about it, isn't work life balance a concern for all of us? Workers around the globe have been finding it harder to juggle the demands of work and the rest of life in the past five years. According to the 2016 LinkedIn Censuswide Study, nearly half of American workers would give up the corner-office job and a high salary to gain more flexibility in their schedules.

Most older workers realize the more responsibility we take on as we move up the chain of command, the more we must sacrifice our work life balance. That's why the higher positions often come with higher stakes and higher pay. Sometimes though, there's a point when the pay and the job title aren't worth the lack of balance.

I have watched many people burn out and get to that point. When we no longer want to sacrifice work life balance, we have to make some tough career decisions. Now with the job market improving, I'm seeing more people make those decisions in favor of better work life balance. I'm seeing people give up promotions, change departments, change careers, and fire clients in an effort to reclaim their sanity and readjust the demands on their time. Should they make career decisions based on work life balance? If it's a priority, they should.

Today on my CindyKeepsUp blog, I wrote about how best selling author Kristin Hannah has made difficult career decisions and got them right. If we follow her lessons, we have a better chance of getting our difficult career decisions right, too.

For most employees, frustration lies with bosses who don't understand their needs:

-Millennials don't get bosses who don't realize technology frees them to work productively from anywhere.

-Gen Xers don't get why using a flexible schedule would still come with negative consequences.

-Boomers don't get co-workers who don't realize an older worker deserves a schedule that allows them to scale back but still add value to an employer.

Search the job ads and there is a LOT of language in them that advertises work life balance. Increasingly, American workers don't believe they have to choose between financial/career success or having a fulfilling personal life. Some smart employers understand that way of thinking, while others aren't responding as quickly as they need to keep their talent from leaving.

When faced with tough work life choices, it's best to think long term. It might be that your industry or role doesn't lend itself to the work life you now seek, and you have to focus on a bigger career change, not just change companies. It might be that you need to explore changing your role at your existing organization. Or it could be that you're ready to retire early, start your own business or search for a new job.

Career decisions based on work life needs are becoming increasingly common. If only more employers recognized the trend!

 

 

When your co-worker takes vacation

In case you're keeping score, yes your co-worker just took two-weeks off and you're left to do his/her work. So what are you going to do about it?

You can easily become the person who stays late every night carrying a double workload. You can just as easily become the person who does only what's reasonable for your boss or clients to expect when you're a man down. 

Let's say you're the worker who wants to look like a team player and pick up the slack for your vacationing colleague. My advice is to proceed with caution. That's a dangerous road you're about to embark on. You want your clients to be understanding, your boss to think highly of you, your co-worker to cover for you when it's your turn to vacation. But, you don't want to be the go-to person who covers for everyone who takes a vacation. You certainly don't want to be the person who walks around the office resentful, snapping at anyone who dares to ask you a question because you're overwhelmed and overworked.

You may need to assess exactly what's expected. Is it just filling in for the person at a few meetings or handling all of their client calls. Is it short term, or could taking on someone else's responsibility for a few weeks lead to taking it on permanently. Yes, you definitely want to proceed with caution and have a conversation with your manager if necessary. Can that project wait for your co-worker to get back? Can you  

Now, there can be a positive for you. Summer can be a great time to put some energy in the work side of work life balance. Covering for a co-worker on vacation can help you get ahead by proving yourself.  Summer can also be ideal for pondering your desired future and trying out a role that interests you.

Most important, regardless of whether others take time off, don't be afraid to take your own vacation days. Even if you're the new guy or  have lots on your plate, you need time off to re-energize and the slower summer tend to be the perfect for it. Even if you don't go anywhere, or can't afford to travel, taking time off helps keep you positive.

According to Project Time Off, employees who take most or all of their vacation time each year perform better, are more productive and more satisfied in their jobs.

If you are the vacationing co-worker, think about how you can make life easier on others while you're gone. You might leave specific instructions about what you consider top priority and what can wait for your return. Taking vacation knowing you've done everything possible to help out co-workers left behind benefits everyone. Hopefully, your coworkers will show the same courtesy to you.

It's normal to worry what covering for a vacationing co-worker will do to your workload. Ask for notes, figure out what's reasonable and have a conversation with your manager ahead of time. With lots of people gearing up to take summer vacation, you don't want to be the sucker in the office stuck there until midnight.

 

The Best Way to Unwind

 

Last night after hours of writing and flipping screens at my desk, I got up and feel mentally depleted. It was the exact sensation that Ana Veciana-Suarez described in her Miami Herald column today as feeling like her body had been plowed over by a tractor after too many hours in front of a computer. This affliction is not the same kind of exhaustion one would feel after running a marathon. It's a mental tax in which someone longs to do little else but veg out. 

Have you ever felt that way -- as if your brain is completely fried out?

Ana writes: "I find myself wanting to talk to no one, wanting to stare at nothing. The idea of sitting still, in silence as gathering twilight provides a protective blanket, has become so attractive. And comforting." For Ana it used to be that taking a walk across the hall or looking away from her monitor for a few minutes was enough for her to restore and redirect. Now, she says, that pause button no longer works.  "A fried brain apparently needs more than a few minutes."

It sure does. 

This is a challenging time to be an American worker trying to find work life balance -- or just merely unwind from a busy day. It's getting increasingly difficult to keep information coming at us from every direction. Some of us do almost everything with our smartphones in our hands. When we're not behind our laptop monitors, we are Facebook messaging or texting from our mobile devices. The demands for our attention are accompanied by pings and rings that practically scream at us to respond. Simply walking away from our computer is not enough to relax us. 

So how do we unwind when most of us have become used to exchanging one screen for another? 

The answer is we must become more comfortable with discomfort. 

David Greenfield, founder of The Center for Internet and Tech Addiction, explained to me that taking a tech break or completely powering down can be an uncomfortable experience the first time we try it. Imagine leaving your phone behind when you go to the movies or for a long walk. Can you do it without feeling slightly panicked?  But Greenfield says, "If you do tolerate the discomfort, the next time will be easier."

In this 21st Century period when our brains are on overdrive, Greenfield points out: We are not designed to be in a constant state of nervous system arousal.

So, next time you walk away from your monitor and pick up your cell phone or iPad, think twice. There's a certain sense of relief in letting our brains focus on something other than a screen. It's the kind of unwinding that we need to get used to doing more often. 

Finding Work Life Balance And Hating It

                                         

 

 

The other day I met a friend for lunch. She is finally in a job that has normal work hours, one that allows her to make lunch plans and have dinner with her family. She no feels exhausted or has a high level of responsibility at work. But she is miserable.

"I miss feeling excited about going to work every day," she told me. "I found work life balance, but I thought I would enjoy it more."

My conversation with my friend replayed in my mind this morning when I read a Huuffington blog post by Erin Blaskie. In the post Erin writes that after being a entrepreneur for 12 years, she burned out and thought that more balance was the answer. So, she decided she would concentrate on a year of self care. What she discovered when she scaled back in her business to a more manageable size, was that being less than all in made her miserable.

In her post she writes: "Stepping out of my craft, to focus on everything but work, created a hole in my soul where my business used to be. It created a void and I filled it with negative behaviors." She describes those behaviors as experiencing envy at what her colleagues were doing and questioning everything she had done in her business for the last 12 years. Even though she was able to take nights and weekends off, she was not happy. 

"The truth was, I wanted my business, my purpose and my passion back, " she writes. Erin says she began to ramp up again in her business and felt happier. "When you've found your calling, work fuels your life and your life fuels your work."

What Erin and my friend have come to realize is that work life balance will look different to everyone and sometimes when you do find balance, it doesn't look like the balance that everyone else says it should.

Erin said it well: Look for the version of work/life balance that is going to work for you.

I often hear from readers and friends who have tipped the scale one way or the other between work or life -- and they are happy. Balance doesn't have to be an equilibrium. Remember there will be times in our lives when responsibilities require we spend more time caring for family or our own needs. And, there will be times when we need or want to devote more attention to work. Work life balance means making choices that are best for us and not those choices we think we are supposed to make.

 

 

More work but we're happy: the new work life balance reality

 

         

 

 

A strange phenomenon is going on in workplaces. We are walking around, smartphones in hand (sometimes even in bed when we sleep), complaining about how much we're working, and yet -- we're happy in our jobs and have no intention of leaving them.

What the heck is going on? Have we settled comfortably into a new reality?

Here is what new research reveals:  We are putting in more than 8-hour days, working on weekends at least once a month, eating lunch at our desks, and working after hours to complete work we didn’t finish during the day.

Even with our heavier workloads, the majority of employees (85 percent) said they are happy at work and motivated to become future managers. These are the findings of a new Workplace Index study of about 2,600 workers in the United States and Canada conducted by Staples Advantage, the business-to-business division of Staples, Inc.

"Workers have accepted that work is no longer 9 to 5," says Dan Schawbel, founder of WorkplaceTrends.com, a research and advisory membership service for HR professionals.  "They might have to answer an email after 11 p.m. I think people have adjusted to the new reality."

So, why exactly are we working so much -- and at all hours? 

More than 30 percent of employees participating in the research say the driving force behind the "always on" work culture is the need to complete work they don't have time to do during the day, followed by a desire to get ahead on their work for the following day.  One in five employees said they spend at least two hours a day in meetings and just as many report the meetings are inefficient (a possible reason we're taking work home?).

While we've accepted the new reality of work life blend, how can we be happier? Here are suggestions given in the Staples Advantage findings.

- Flexibility is key to happiness at work. So true. When I talk to employees I notice the happiest workers have flexibility. In the Staples Advantage research,  37 percent of employees say that if employers provide more flexibility it would increase their happiness.

-Office perks are important too. Employees want simple things like break time to refresh or an onsite gym.

-Improving technology would make a difference. Employees say more advanced technology helps them be more creative and better at their jobs.

-Providing better office design is key as well. Employees thrive in offices with high-ceilings, lots of windows, lounge areas and a laid-out break room designed to promote collaboration and rest.

In a definite sign that workers have accepted the new reality of our heavier workloads, few are planning job changes. Only 19 percent said they expect to make a job change in the next year and money was the top reason.

Schawbel says the research confirms that workers are doing more with less on shorter time frames, and have accepted the 24/7 work philosophy -- if it comes with flexibility.  But he wonders if there will be a point where burnt out employees will push back, especially because the study found about a third of employees consider work life balance the leader contributor of loyalty.

Have you accepted the new reality that 9 to 5 workdays have disappeared? Despite a heavier workload, would you say you are happy in your job?

 

How Should Sheryl Sandberg Handle Grief at Work? Advice from former LiveNation CEO Jason Garner

My heart goes out to Sheryl Sandberg with the tragic loss of her husband, Dave Goldberg. Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult but even more so when you return to work and try to carry on while knowing everyone is tip-toeing around you.

Today, my guest blogger is Jason Garner who will talk about dealing with grief in the workplace, sharing his very personal experience.  Jason says when his single mother, who struggled and sacrificed while raising him, died from stomach cancer,  he lacked the tools, support, and understanding to get through the grieving process. Garner’s book And I Breathed (2014) tells his cautionary tale  and he has lots of advice, tips and insight for people like Sandberg who must readjust their work life balance and fit grieving into the equation.

 

 

Six years ago I was the CEO of Global Music for Live Nation, the world’s largest concert promoter … and then my mom died.  My life took a drastic turn as I found myself unable to deal with the crippling grief while continuing my duties of overseeing thousands of employees and live concerts around the globe.  I lacked the tools, support, and understanding to get through the grieving process, and have spent the last six years on a journey to better understand myself.  I’ve spent thousands of hours learning with masters of body, mind, and spirit with the hope that by sharing what I’ve learned, others won’t have to face life alone like I did.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is a complex and difficult experience full of powerful emotions.  Experts say the grieving process takes around three years for us to heal, understand, and accept life absent a person we deeply loved.  I’ve learned this process is necessary and can’t be rushed.  But few of us have three years to pull ourselves together before getting back to the pressures of work.  This is where simple tools can be valuable in helping us cope with our grief as we return to work after a loss. 

Following are ten tools that can help us better function in our jobs while dealing honestly with the pain and loss that comes with death.

1. Be real.  Grieving is tough.  Our hearts are filled with emotion that often comes spilling out in the form of tears, anger, and lack of patience with others. Accepting this fact and giving ourselves permission to be human in the process relieves the tension of trying to “gut our way through it,” “put on a game face,” or “just move on.”  Have patience and compassion with yourself and set the tone for how you hope others will deal with you during this process by being kind and understanding with yourself.
2. Breathe. When we are going through pain we often hold our breath in the fear that letting go might lead to us breaking down.  In reality though, the body interprets the holding of the breath as an emergency, which causes our bodies to feel even more stress and pressure.  Take frequent breathers — regular intervals where you remind yourself to breathe deeply — and send the soothing message to your body that all is well.
3. Move. The grieving process is filled with emotion, which is stored in the body as adrenaline.  This stagnant adrenaline is the cause of the racing and trapped feelings we often feel under stress.  Movement allows the body to release the pent up emotions and promotes flow.  Find time in the day to move: take a walk, stretch, do yoga, or just stand up and move your body to allow the stagnant emotions to move and release.
4. Cry. Crying on the job is often seen as taboo.  But when we spend half our day at work, it’s bound to happen at one point or another, especially when we are mourning the loss of a loved one.  Bursting into tears can be embarrassing and can cause alarm to our coworkers.  So find a safe space and time — in the bathroom, at the park on your lunch break, or for a couple of minutes in your car — and give yourself permission to let go, to really cry, and to feel the sadness that naturally comes with death instead of bravely trying to hold it all in.
5. Share. Sometimes during life’s challenges we behave as though we’re the only one having problems.  So we bottle our troubles up inside and try to be superhuman.  The result is rarely positive and eventually we break down, feeling misunderstood, alone, and isolated.  The reality is, though, that many people are going through challenges at the same time.  Death in particular is an experience to which we can all relate.  Be open with your boss and coworkers.  Share your challenge with them, ask for the patience, and allow yourself to be supported.
6. Sleep.  Getting enough rest is a powerful way to help regulate your emotions.  Be sure when you’re grieving to plan for extra sleep.  Pulling all-nighters at work or with friends is a sure way to leave your emotions frazzled and increases the likelihood of a breakdown on the job.  Make it a point to shut down work at a reasonable hour and give yourself ample time to rest and relax.
7. Get away.  Many employers offer some kind of leave following a death.  Even if your job doesn’t have a formal policy for leave, talk to your supervisor and ask for some time.  A few days away from work to process your loss and let your emotions out in private can go a long way in making your return to work less emotional and more productive.
8. Get help. For many of us, our job has become all-encompassing and we have little time for friends, family, or hobbies.  While grieving, this adds another element to the challenge of coping at work because we lack outside outlets where we can share our feelings.  Find a friend, family member, or therapist and allow yourself the chance to vent your feelings so you don’t have to carry so much to work.
9. Meditation. Even if you’ve never practiced meditation, the grieving process is a good time to start.  A few minutes of silent meditation gives you a break from the stress of the day to be present to yourself and your emotions. Don’t worry about how to do it; just sit, close your eyes, breathe, and give yourself a little space.
10.  Be tender. Be tender and gentle with yourself even if the world around you isn’t understanding.  Share words of encouragement, give yourself space and patience, and don’t add extra stress by taking on new responsibilities or obligations.  Most of all, understand that you’re going through a major life event and give yourself love and compassion along the way.

 

Remember: you aren’t alone.  The process you’re going through is one that everyone faces at one time or another. Use these tools as trusted friends to lean on when times are tough.  And above all be kind and gentle with yourself as you grieve. 

 

The ideal worker is ruining our lives

                                                 

 

 

The idea worker is not me and it likely isn't you.

The ideal worker doesn't take parental leave when a child is born. He or she has no need for family-friendly policies like flexible schedule, part-time work or telecommuting. The ideal worker doesn't need to find babysitters, deal with school closures or worry about child-care responsibilities.

The ideal worker, freed from all home duties, devotes himself completely to the workplace. He or she is a face-time warrior, the first one in in the morning and the last to leave at night. He or she is rarely sick, doesn't take vacation and is willing to hop on a plane whenever needed. The ideal worker will answer email at 3 a.m. or pull an all nighter if asked. He is the guy who works endless hours, even if it cost him or her their health or family. 

In her book, Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play when No One Has Time, Brigid Schulte brilliantly points out that the notion of the ideal worker wields immense power in the American workplace. "We are  programmed to emulate him at all costs, or at least feel the sting of not measuring up," she notes.

Here we are in the 21st Century, one in which most women and men work and most have some kind of home responsibilities. Yet, as Brigid points out in her book ( a must read!) most of us are being penalized because we can't meet the expectations of the ideal worker. 

This outdated notion of the ideal worker is a big reason why some education mothers disappear from the workplace and why some men hate their jobs. "Fathers are stigmatized when they seek to deviate from the ideal worker," Brigid writes. That leaves men with children faced with a sharp choice -- either they choose not to be equal partners at home or they choose to be equal partners and hurt their careers, she writes. 

What's it going to take to zap this longtime definition of the ideal worker?

That's a loaded question because with fast emerging technologies, the ideal worker is now expected to be on call and ready to roll all day, every day, all the time. Even worse, people who work for ideal worker managers sleep less than those who have flexible managers and are at great risk for heart disease, Brigid points out.

"No matter how much you do, how hard you work, how much you sacrifice, how devoted you are, you can never attain the ideal," Brigid convincingly argues.

So, here we are raising our kids, trying to please our customers and bosses, working crazy hours, and still, the workplace demands more. We are stressed. We are exhausted. We are on an unfulfilling search for happiness and we need a new definition of the ideal worker. NOW.

My definition of the ideal worker is someone who gives work his or her full attention while at the office and refuels once he or she leaves. My definition includes working parents who take their vacations, fathers who take their children to school or meet with their teachers, and singles who take time to do activities they find enjoyable. Under my definition, the ideal worker doesn't necessarily work less, he workers smarter and more innovatively.

If the outdated notion of the ideal worker is ruining your life, causing you to be overwhelmed and unsure of whether you can ever please everyone on the job and at home, it's time to work toward change. We can make the new definition stick, we just need to acknowledge it needs changing and get the movement started. 

Is stress contagious?

                                                

Some days when I feel stressed about work deadlines, I complain to my husband about everything on my to do list. After a few minutes of listening to me vent, he tells me I'm stressing him out. 

He may not be experiencing stress to the degree I am, but it doesn't surprise me that new research has found stress is contagious. It's pitiful but there's just so much to be stressed about these days -- demanding clients,  never ending streams of incoming email, huge bills from the vet or daycare provider, a parent that's showing signs failing health. Work life balance issues are a huge source of stress.

While we may not even realize it, we experience stress and then pass it on to others through what we say, the facial expressions we make and the way we physically show tension. 

Research found when we become aware of stress of others, it sends a signal to our brain and our bodies release the stress hormone cortisol. It doesn't matter what's causing stress for our spouse, co-worker or best friend, it only matters that we observed the other person in a stressful situation. How strange is it that our bodies actually process other people's stress?

It's no wonder we're seeing shorter tempers and higher levels of impatience! 

Of course, if it isn't stressful enough that we pass along stress through personal interaction, now, there's a new way to expose others to our stress -- social media. 

Just today, I saw on Facebook that my friend's adorable dog Charley, has cancer. It worried me because I know she lives alone and has a close bond with her dog.

Pew Researchers are calling the heightened stress we're feeling from learning on social media about undesirable events affecting our friends or relatives "the cost of caring." They say this is adding to a growing pool of evidence suggesting stress is contagious.

So while we might be venting on social media to make ourselves feel better, our posts about rough patches that we've hit or disappointing life events are stressing out the people near and dear to us who read what we write. 

In other words, while increased levels of stress have us searching for ways to blow off steam, we're blowing it right on to the people we count on to prop us up. Pathetic, right?

Think about how much stress we would save from multiplying if we just learned how to manage our stress through simple activities like breathing, walking or visualizing calm.

Or am I fooling myself by thinking the solution is that simple? 

How to actually take vacation, time off in 2015

                                       

 

 

Close you eyes and for a moment imagine yourself relaxed, happy and at your best at work. When I do that, I envision myself about a week after I have returned from vacation, all caught up at work and in a much better mindset than before I left.

 

Being my best self at work affects how I lead, treat others, show compassion and patience, and exhibit creativity. Most of us need a break from routine, a chance to decompress, to be our best selves. But surveys show we are not taking that crucial opportunity.

 

Just less than 42% of Americans didn't take a single day of vacation in 2014, and women took fewer vacation days than men, according to Skift, a travel intelligence site. The findings show many full-time employed Americans have at least 10 days of allotted vacation. Because workplaces often have use it or lose it policies, not taking vacation is like leaving money on the table.

 

What's going on?

 

There are all kinds of reasons people gave. Some said they were reluctant to use their vacation time for fear of appearing replaceable or concern about their work piling up. Some didn't have money to go on vacation or believed there was no one who could cover for them if they took time off.

 

Right before my vacation this summer, I felt like any story ideas I came up with were stale. I felt tired and disengaged. Most of us recognize we are not at our best when we haven’t been able to disconnect from work physically and emotionally for a long stretch of time.

 

Vacations don’t have to be costly or long to be revitalizing. Now is the time to think ahead for 2015. Start by establishing expectations that you will take time off, guidelines for how you will disconnect and back up plans for when you are on vacation. Help your boss (or client) get into a routine of contacting others for some issues that he’d normally contact you about. Do this even when you are in the office to train those who will cover for you.  You want you boss to gain more confidence in them and allow you a real vacation from work.

 

Even in workplaces that don’t encourage time off, let others know that they will benefit from your post-vacation rejuvenation. I feel like taking vacation in 2015 is doable if you keep your “best self” vision in mind and plan for it now.

 

Overwork in America: How to stay alive

When I read about someone dropping dead after intense periods of overwork, it makes me wonder -- did anyone try to step in?

In a society in which overwork has become the norm, and work life balance a constant struggle, is it our responsibility to prevent a co-worker, friend or employee from working himself sick.

It's tricky from a boss's perspective. A boss wants his employee to be superstar. It's a boss's  own best interest for someone to put in longer hours and get more work done. But at what expense?

As I wrote in my Miami Herald column today, on rare occasions, decisions to ignore or defy excessive work stress can reap unknowing consequences. There are a few horrific examples: 

-A Wall Street intern who worked through the night eight times in two weeks, including three consecutive nights, before he collapsed and died in his apartment in 2013

-A Skadden Arps associate who died in 2011 after months of intense pressure and rumored 100-hour work weeks,

- A copywriter for an ad agency who in 2013 suffered heart failure and slipped into a fatal coma just after sipping energy drinks and tweeting “30 hours of working and still going strooong.”

Because we live in a culture that applauds overwork, stories of people working themselves to death or collapsing of exhaustion force us to look at what has become the new normal. Employers are asking almost all workers to take on higher workloads. But when multiple 15-hour workdays get met with a pat on the back rather than a look of concern, we need to figure out our role in workplace well-being.

The signs of burn out are rather easy to recognize — hair loss, weight loss or gain, fatigue, the popping of stimulants to combat anxiety or exhaustion and extreme over-reaction or irritability.

 

Intervention can be complex. For some workers, getting ahead is their priority. It is not only what they spend the majority of their days doing, it represents a core part of their identities. They choose to tip the work life balance scale in favor of work.

 

 

But there are ways to help. Here are a few approaches:

 

• Push it. Leah Carpenter, CEO of Memorial Hospital Miramar says as the company leader, “you have to push it a little,” with those who may not realize they need work-life balance. I tell them, “We are no good to the patients we treat if we don’t take care of ourselves.”
   

• Set an example. “I have to put myself in check so they won’t follow.” Carpenter says she won’t send out emails past 9 p.m. and she conscientiously takes vacation days: “I don’t want to send the wrong message about expectations.”

   
• Show a general concern. If pointing out a lack of balance or extreme overwork leads to resistance, workplace expert David Torrance, CEO of Renaissance Executive Forums Dallas, recommends another approach: a more generic show of concern such as, “Hey, are you doing OK? I see you’re working long hours. I’m concerned for you. What’s going on?”

 

• Use good judgment.  In most workplaces, co-workers are most tuned in to a peer’s exhaustion or anxiety and often reluctant to get involved. “At first blush, it’s no different from me going to a colleague and saying, ‘Not married yet, what’s going on with that?’” said Nikki Lewis Simon, a shareholder at Greenberg Traurig in Miami. “Working around the clock is a personal decision, not unlike the decision to have kids, marry, be openly gay. Some people don’t know what to do without work. If you forced them to go home, they would be in a funk.”

 

• Offer to pitch in.  Simon said she would show interest as a friendly overture: “I might say, is everything OK? I see you’re working hard, is there something I could do to help?”

 

• Point out health concerns. Sometimes it takes a health practitioner to convey the message that changes behavior. While balance can be a struggle for all, Simon says people need to need to be told: “You must unplug and rejuvenate because your body will not forgive you forever.”